Heartless Permeation.

Where were you when everything was falling apart?

You Found Me
The Fray.

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You can blame me for what you've lost, suffered, and endured. I know it was painful, and I was being ignorant. I'm just sorry, but that won't change things, will it?

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My mind wandered about aimlessly whilst my subconscious dictated my actions; I moved with no purpose, no reason, and no motivation. My most frequently visited sites didn't appeal to me, but I clicked through them anyway, in hope for any sort of satisfaction- no, medication- to battle this swelling laziness and boredom that I was suffering. I acknowledged that there were things that needed to be done, and yes, whilst it concerned me, I didn't seem to care enough to pan my motivation towards that area. I was fine with being apathetic... It'd become my new reality.

I soon gave up on my usually most favoured site, despite its many tasteful distractions and temptations that would further skew my perception of the very near, very demanding reality. I instead opened up my contact list; I wasn't looking for a conversation with anyone in particular (I've lost desire to speak on MSN these days), nor was I hoping for a certain person to be online. I instead skimmed through for any links I could navigate through, explore and feed my disinterested mind; I'd found a couple of links to my friend's tumblrs...

*click, click*
*reads, scrolls down, reads further*
*click*

Soon enough, I'd weaved my way through to my most loved friend. I paused for a moment in slight surprise, but then shook myself in disappointment. It's obvious that I wouldn't know whether she had a tumblr or not.

I began to read her posts, one-by-one, skimming through familiar pictures and quotes on the plain, simple page. My ebbing tiredness was slipping away, and soon my mind became fully alert as it absorbed the words which stretched across the stark-white page; so simple, yet so alluring.

A pain had struck me at that moment as I furiously clicked through the remainder of her posts, which inevitably came to an abrupt end. I stopped for a moment, and felt my heart begin to sink as I allowed my mind to digest the words I'd read.

What more was there to it? I didn't know her at all, and yet I'm still too proud, arrogant and closed minded, calling her my very own.

... So much of me is made up of what I'd learned from you.

- For Good; Wicked Soundtrack

But we're too different now... or we always were, and I'd just refuse to face the reality that we were in two different worlds that only intersected every once in a blue moon.

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I swear, there are these little fly things that keep flying around in the corner of my eye- they're driving me nuts- I've already killed at least 5 already. Now my hands hurt, and my eyes are twitching in annoyance.

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Blame PMS.

LOL, Sarah.