Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Philia.

Draw near to me, and hold me in your warm embrace.

He lumbered across like a shadow so subtly that I almost missed his ghostly presence. His footsteps were quiet as he ventured around the kitchen, floating between the fridge and the sink, pausing, and doing so again. I almost forgot that he was there as my music droned on, my focus ebbing away as I began to drift into a light daydream. That is, until his voice snapped my back to reality.

"So, any news?" He asked, "... you know. Got the results?"

My gazed didn't shift from the pixels of light in front of me because I was still dreaming, but I tilted my head towards him and nodded. I continued to stare at my screen, half awake, before realising that he was still talking to me.

His voice went from fuzzy to clear, "And..."

And again, it droned out for another second before I snapped back into reality. I shifted my focus on him, and tuned to the remainder of his sentence.

"... You get it?" He continued to float around the kitchen, seemingly aimlessly, and filled up a glass cup with some milk. He didn't seem to notice my temporary lack of attention... Good. I lazily shook my head, and narrowed my eyes enough so that I could only make out blurred shapes. This way, I didn't have to recognise his disappointed response to be written all over his face. I had no idea why, but I suddenly began to laugh nervously; but I felt pressured about hearing his solemn, despondent voice. I turned back towards my screen in awkward embarassment, unable to contain the splutters of my nervous laughter.

"It.. it's probably beacuse I didn't want it enough.. and well yeah. I could have, but didn't..." I couldn't manage to clarify my sentence as I stammered. It was like a choking feeling, where the words were stuck in my throat against a sudden build up of thoughts that refused to be released.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and miserably tormented my own mind. I, who was usually so cool and so calm, couldn't even muster up a sentence, despite all this experience at public speaking, creative writing and the like. Just plain stupid.

There was an awkward silence for but a moment, and I dared to peek towards him; he roamed around, now with a biscuit in his hand. He turned away for a moment before turning back towards me. I anxiously awaited his response... my guard already let down and already preparing for the mental beat up that I was about to be confronted with.

"... Oh well", he said simply, "Their loss".

And, ending with that, he ambled up the stairs, and returned to his room.

---
I love my brother. (:

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