The Relationship Rant.

I'm just gonna rant about my bittersweet distaste on relationships.

What do you think of when the word relationship is said/read? Do you think of the person you're dating, or in like with? Do you think about your friendship? Do you think of the connection between you and God? What is "relationship" to you?

Well anyway, that doesn't really matter. I don't need you to answer. But I define a relationship similarly to someone who defined the difference between a friendship and a relationship (basically I copied their answer). Now I can't remember who it was, but thanks for it anyway. Relationships are a connection developed by two people that is hard to break (or you and God). Developed through times of weakness and trial, to only strengthen this connection. And no matter what, these two people care, love, and respect each other, through the fire or storm.

Ok that was really broad, and I can't be bothered going into detail. I just want to get off my chest the fact that I so hate these things called "relationships". I'm tempted even to call them friendships, something that's easily broken, although also easily forgiven. I'm mostly playing around with these terms, but at the moment, the term friendship seems like a shallow, superficial bond between two people, where they may act kindly towards another, but are on guard, being careful not to open up too much. It's all based around friendly conversations, and sweet smiles.

I just hate how fake it is. And yeah, I try for more than that. I try for something deeper, in hope that trust may be able to unravel over time, and this bond will actually be strengthened.

I'm actually not going where I wanted to..

Relationships are complicated. Especially with certain people, who hold many people dear to their hearts. It's hard to spend time with certain people, and hard to maintain a consistently strong bond. It's also hard if it's one-sided.

I've learnt that I should enjoy the friendships and relationships that I have. Otherwise, jealousy kicks in. Envious of those around you who have such a strong, intimate bond with another. And then wishing that yours were the same. And then getting depressed and angry at yourself that you can't have that same bond. Taking for granted what you already have, and pushing for what you don't have. Yeah, envy in relationships. I struggled for about 4 years on that.

Yeah, I hate having to try so hard, but realising that you can only get as far as the other will allow.

LOL I wasted so much time just writing that. So angry and bitter, Sarah.

Sorry, this is the one topic that weighs so heavily on my heart; I am constantly reminded over and over again. I suppose, I don't know, someone could relate? Who knows.

---

In the arms of my Savior, I find rest. It's even hard for us. But I know Your promises; you are worth it.

LOL, Sarah.