Alternate Futures.

I tried to give you up, but I'm addicted.

And it was about time that I had realised that I wasn't quite who I thought I was. This was a new sensation, a new path that I'd never been game enough to walk through. It was as if a new chapter of my life had begun to unfold... but there was a difference this time. There are two chapters, begging, colliding, arguing against each other to become a permanent part of the story of my life. They cannot follow consecutively, nor can they intertwine their lines of adventure together to create a comfortable balance. The pages flick through ever so hurriedly, and I can't even catch my breath to read even a sentence.

I could remember myself summarising the first paragraph of these two chapters. On one point, I was happy. It had been a while since I'd felt relieved from stress, and things were actually running through fairly easily. But there was one integral part of my life missing in this chapter, and I was slowly dying on the inside because of my deprivation.

On the alternative, I would find struggle, hardship, and sacrifice. I would constantly be in pain, and somewhat busy in every area of my life. However, I knew that it would lead to real peace and joy within my heart, and it would resonate so strongly. I would be in constant labor, but I would have enough strength, and I had peace of mind.

Honestly, I'm shivering to the bone with the consequences that these chapters are bringing into my life. The fear of sacrifice, and the fear of being closed-minded is a constant battle between the mind and the heart.

Would you want me when I'm not myself?

And right now, I'm dying on the inside.

LOL, Sarah.