Sunshine Of Your Love.

I attempted myself to sink deeper into the cool tiles that my entire body was splayed over. I pushed my face as far as I could; I only achieved a possibly bruised cheekbone. It was scorching hot, and I could not take one more minute under blistering heat. The tiles beneath me sucked in the heat that resonated so fiercely out of every pore of my body, and in turn released that same heat back to me, causing the need for me lift myself off my secret cooling area. Lazily, I pulled myself onto my study chair, which quickly met with the sweat dripping off my legs, causing an uncomfortable bond between my limbs and my chair. I was slumped forward on top of my laptop; my table wheeled slightly before hitting the wall to steady my sudden weight upon it. I groaned loudly, but it quickly faded; my air-conditioner was battling desperately against the heatwave, with a loud, rhythmic buzzing bouncing off the walls of my large confine, and overpowering any other sound that attempted to become more voluminous than itself.

I was listening to music; it struggled to keep clear, through my old speakers, and my laptop never ceased to try and burn my fingers as I swiftly activated it and took advantage of its benefits. Yet soon I closed it again, for lack of motivation to move anymore that would cause energy to be used as I'd contract and relax my muscles.

I didn't expect you to speak to me so quickly, so suddenly interested in me and my sluggish life under the harsh heat. But you were, and we maintained a hopeful conversation that could have lead for hours. I felt exhausted; the water that was stolen from my body left me weak and tired, and I could barely keep interest in you as you skipped around me, asking question after question, oblivious to my lack of attention. My eyes fell to the ground, and slowly my eyelids followed. Soon I was drenched in steaming darkness; could black really hold so much heat? I could not comprehend it as I calculated that light produced heat, not complete darkness. I contemplated further, before a sudden chill went through my spine as a cold rock landed on my neck. I flinched, and was suddenly thrown back to reality.

You smiled at me mischievously with your block of ice in hand. I was too tired return fire, so I just greased at you grudgingly. You spun my chair around so that I was facing you, faces inches apart. I sniffed, and pushed you away, scrunching my nose together to indicate my distaste in your odour. I smirked as you took my action seriously for a split second, before kicking my chair and sent me spinning. In an attempt to slow down, I moved my legs, but before they could reach the floor, my calf cramped, and my leg retracted to my body. I could not stop myself, not at least whilst being in so much pain.

The chair was slowing down gradually, but I almost flew off when your hand slammed down on the back of my chair. I groaned at your little games; I was suffering deeply, and I was too tired for games.

What do you want, boy?

But I knew it was I that had the question. It had overtaken my mind for the past few days, and I was deeply puzzled and curious of the answer that could possibly be provided for me; had I only asked.

But maybe I shouldn't have asked anything, or even hinted my curiosity, whatsoever. Maybe it was better that we didn't know what we know now.

---

*Sigh*, I think I have the likes of writer's block, or something. But this heat; it's inspirational dude. I'm thinking of making a story... It involves the life of a girl, and the part her father plays in guiding her throughout it. You could kind of get the gist, I suppose, if you know what I'm talking about? Haha. Sorry. Night.

LOL, Sarah.

Oh Precious.

I wish I had something more to say,
But like they say in those songs...

Words always get in the way.

---

But you said you couldn't open up, because it hurt, and because everyone always turned on you the second that you did.

But alas, did you not just pour out your heart to me? Did you not just expose your facade of smiles and laughter, to display a heavily weighed heart?

---

Urgh, really bad blog today.


LOL, Sarah.

Smittens.

This has got to be one of the coolest things ever. They're the cutest, corniest, and also sweatiest things ever. :)

Too bad if I wanted to share one, my boy would have to be right handed. :) Sorry lefties.

---

But I'd become ambidextrous, just for you. ;)

LOL, Sarah.

Mangled Frantics.

You were deep into conversation with an acquaintance at about the same time that I'd tuned in. Your eyes flickered and sparkled excitedly as you described something with such passion, but I'd missed what you were talking about. Your hands flitted about as you drew with an invisible pen on invisible paper to illustrate the details of your vision. I tried my best to follow your actions and be in sync with your thoughts, but I simply could not understand what you were trying to demonstrate. As I tried to figure out your movements, you suddenly sighed, and threw your head back in a loud, comforted sigh. You were happy, and so encouraged by whatever it was you had been talking about for the past five minutes. I'd given up on trying to understand what you were getting at, and instead I gazed into the distance; a child was begging her mother to go home, tugging at her hand and trying to run with it. I chuckled at the gory thought that the child's mother's hand would suddenly fall off, and the child would run with just a hand, but quickly distracted myself by looking over at you again.

Your head was still drawn back, and you were staring at the ceiling, which was matted with perhaps a million small dots that scattered in a wavy pattern across the ceiling. It was impossible to count more than 10 dots at a time, and I could not comprehend why you would try and count them, even if it was just for fun. I looked at your awkward posture, and I found myself having a sudden urge to punch you in the stomach. For a split second, I retracted myself, but my impulse was too strong for me to resist, and my fist collided into your stomach with a soft thump. You groaned at what I did; it didn't hurt, it was just an awkward feeling because you were in such a strange position. You pulled your head up, and stared me down, glaring with furrowed eyes and the slightest smirk at the corner of your lips. I giggled at your struggle to be angry with me, and smiled right back at you. Eventually you'd give up being annoyed and forgive me. And you did, only you did something I was completely taken aback by.

My hands were clenched against the chair for support as I leaned myself closer and further to you in a rocking motion. You kicked my chair a few times in an effort to make me lose my balance, and on a number of times you almost killed me. I glared at you for those times, but I kept rocking myself back and forth, muttering that 'what doesn't kill me makes me stronger' whilst also throwing a teasing smile at you. After you'd stopped trying to make me lose my balance, you stood up. I watched on as you moved across the chair, and around the row to meet me in front again. Within one second, you nagged me to come with you; I was going to anyway, but you suddenly placed your hand on top of mine, and pulled. I had a sudden dejavu moment of my thoughts running parallel with what I'd previously envisioned, but instead I was flung out of my chair. You continued to walk quickly, holding my hand, whilst I stumbled behind you, trying to find my feet. You'd kept a firm grip on my hand; that is, until I suppose you noticed that people were looking at us. As soon as you'd made that observation, and made sure that I'd found balance and began to walk normally, you'd let my hand go.

But, boy, what are you trying to hide? Your plan is transparent, and yet you're still playing tricks.

---

Play me a song, it's been too long since I've heard you sing.

LOL, Sarah.

First, Love.

"I'm gonna steer clear, 'cause I'd die if I saw you, I'd die if I didn't see you there."

It was about at about the same time that you'd began to walk away when I'd began to sink into my imagination. My eyes drooped, and suddenly I was warped into a trance of rainbows and stars. I forgot all about you, our conversation, everything.

It was as if you'd disappeared; you'd slipped like water from my hands into a well that was too deep for my eyes to comprehend.

I was now dreaming.

---

I landed with a loud thud on a large tree branch. It was as if I'd fallen out of the sky, but as I scanned my surroundings, there was no sky to begin with. All I saw were mangled tree branches which were overgrown with the lightest green of maple leaves; they seemed to fade into a cloud of white. I found myself lying on a sturdy branch, which supported my weight with ease. I carefully turned myself over, and almost lost my grip when I couldn't see the ground. In an alarmed state, I quickly turned myself over again, and gasped slightly when I saw your face again.

You looked at me intently before suddenly leaning forward, so that our faces were only inches away from each other. I shivered at your sudden movement, but you swiftly caught me in your arms, assuring me that I wouldn't fall to my death. You stared into my eyes before leaning closer. I inhaled sharply, and closed my eyes tightly turning my face to the side.

I hope you'd understand that this wasn't how I wanted my first kiss.

But you still managed to just graze my lip; you were my first kiss in my dream.

---

Haha, old dream. I wonder who the guy was? ;)

LOL, Sarah.

Desperation And Grace.

It had drawn near to the line where I could no longer bear to listen to your voice. You droned on and on again, questioning, stating, pleading with me for my undivided attention towards you. I struggled to focus on what you said, but my eyes began to droop. I didn't notice that you were wearing the ring that I'd given you earlier that day; it seemed to glimmer against your constantly waving hands. I could not follow the directions that you moved in, and I drifted my eyes into a different area.

I examined the shoes you wore; they were canvas shoes with a patchy pattern, intricately embroidered with some sort of mythical creature. It stretched around and across your shoes, and matched up perfectly every time you shifted your feet to stand parallel with each other. Eventually I'd recognised that you refused to stop moving around, and in an annoyed trance I impulsively lifted my head to meet your eyes. I turned slightly to fully glare at you, and was overwhelmed with shock as I saw tears in your eyes. I flinched slightly as you slowed your pleading to silence, and we gazed into each other's eyes; you saw the anger in mine, and I saw the desperation in yours.

I need you...

You blinked back your tears, and looked down. I looked away; I was hurt and discouraged. You knew I was exhausted, and that I'd worked myself to the bone already. I couldn't stay with you much longer. I couldn't bear to see you in such a desperate state, so discouraged and hopeless.

Please, at least this time will you appreciate me?

...

You're still welcome, regardless...

---

I'm so tired. I think it's about time to sleep :)

And I'm trying really really hard to keep the stories coming. I just need more inspiration, huh?

LOL, Sarah.

The Relationship Rant.

I'm just gonna rant about my bittersweet distaste on relationships.

What do you think of when the word relationship is said/read? Do you think of the person you're dating, or in like with? Do you think about your friendship? Do you think of the connection between you and God? What is "relationship" to you?

Well anyway, that doesn't really matter. I don't need you to answer. But I define a relationship similarly to someone who defined the difference between a friendship and a relationship (basically I copied their answer). Now I can't remember who it was, but thanks for it anyway. Relationships are a connection developed by two people that is hard to break (or you and God). Developed through times of weakness and trial, to only strengthen this connection. And no matter what, these two people care, love, and respect each other, through the fire or storm.

Ok that was really broad, and I can't be bothered going into detail. I just want to get off my chest the fact that I so hate these things called "relationships". I'm tempted even to call them friendships, something that's easily broken, although also easily forgiven. I'm mostly playing around with these terms, but at the moment, the term friendship seems like a shallow, superficial bond between two people, where they may act kindly towards another, but are on guard, being careful not to open up too much. It's all based around friendly conversations, and sweet smiles.

I just hate how fake it is. And yeah, I try for more than that. I try for something deeper, in hope that trust may be able to unravel over time, and this bond will actually be strengthened.

I'm actually not going where I wanted to..

Relationships are complicated. Especially with certain people, who hold many people dear to their hearts. It's hard to spend time with certain people, and hard to maintain a consistently strong bond. It's also hard if it's one-sided.

I've learnt that I should enjoy the friendships and relationships that I have. Otherwise, jealousy kicks in. Envious of those around you who have such a strong, intimate bond with another. And then wishing that yours were the same. And then getting depressed and angry at yourself that you can't have that same bond. Taking for granted what you already have, and pushing for what you don't have. Yeah, envy in relationships. I struggled for about 4 years on that.

Yeah, I hate having to try so hard, but realising that you can only get as far as the other will allow.

LOL I wasted so much time just writing that. So angry and bitter, Sarah.

Sorry, this is the one topic that weighs so heavily on my heart; I am constantly reminded over and over again. I suppose, I don't know, someone could relate? Who knows.

---

In the arms of my Savior, I find rest. It's even hard for us. But I know Your promises; you are worth it.

LOL, Sarah.

Deeds.

I found my bike today.

Technically, it's my older brother's bike, but he finds no use in it anymore; I decided to take ownership of the thing.

It's fairly big.

I can barely touch the floor when I'm on it.

---

I have a giraffe that measures my height. THAT'S RIGHT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. Be jealous. :)

---

Two questions to ponder. God asks this: "Where are you? What are you doing?"
On Sundays, that is the day of worship and praise.

Faith without deeds is dead. - James 2:26

How can we live faithfully to God in every way in every day?

Are we really living?

Sorry, that was more than a few questions. :).

Pointless Pondering.

It always feels like it's been the longest time since I've written, spoken, communicated with you. Somehow I feel like you're missing out on some of the most vital scenes and episodes of my world, through the likes of my thought process and habitual actions. It's scary to think that I might be losing you; it's as if we're losing touch, but I hold firm to the belief that we're not. We're secure in each other, and as long as we're following through with each other, we'll stick closer than a concrete foundation set on solid rock.

What exactly is concrete anyway? Does it have rock material in it?

Hey. This is a casual entry, where I share with you things I ponder, things I feel are important to me, things I find interesting. You could also catch a glimpse of how my mind works, and what it generally processes first. Yay, you get to see how retarded I am! Haha.

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling Heaven's eyes
The day that True Love died.

But it doesn't end there...

Coz Jesus is alive.

- True Love; Phil Wickham

I loved that part right there. It's like a righteous proclamation and a shout of praise. There's one other song which I think the lyrics just mirror what I feel and believe at this present.

The Cross before me, the world behind me.

- I Have Decided To Follow The Cross; Phil Wickham

Ah! It's just so good. Because it reflects conquering the past, its failures, its victories, its memories. It reminds me of a previous blog, "Dear life, love", conquering our past, conquering our fear... conquering death in Christ. "Behold, for I make all things new", because God doesn't just reuse our past as a reminder, but He renews our hearts and mind with fresh perspectives that the past is in the past, and it can no longer hold us down.

It's also an encouragement that "The best is STILL yet to come". I've had such an awesome vibe for a while now about this year, about all the promises that have yet to come to pass being fulfilled, and filled with abundance :) Amen huh! And it's so good, because I know that other people have been getting similar vibes as well. How good is our God, that when we allow Him to speak to us, He just gives us revelation, and He gives promises and blessing overflow! Yayyyyyyyy!

Hehe, I'm tired.

LOL, Sarah.

PS. Tinjee is fairly awesome; more awesome than Sarah (I was forced to write this).

Gratification.

I can't keep still.
Adrenaline surges through my veins.
I breathe faster, but I'm still not getting enough oxygen to strengthen myself.
I have the need to break out of myself.

My knees tremble.
My muscles contract and relax nervously.
Everything around me shifts so suddenly; my mind can't keep up with my eyes.
I want to escape this fragile, weak body.

---

Holy Spirit, empower us as we enter into a new season.
A season of massive growth, and such an abundance in blessing.
We wait upon You, God, ready for Your grace that goes beyond reason.
And in everything that works for good, all the glory goes to Your name.

---

It's all on my heart.

You are in my heart.

LOL, Sarah.

Harmonious Breezes.

Sing,
For I long to hear your voice.
I linger around to catch your sweet melodies in the breeze.

Breathe,
For I wish to hear you for a long while.
I hold my breath to not disturb your beautifully endless song.

Laugh,
For I am warmed by your smile.
I gleefully listen to your placid chuckles that enlighten the world.

Dance,
For I cannot cease to watch you.
I gaze on as you move so freely in sync with nature's paths.

Play,
For I long to sing a simple duet with you.
Your clear, fluid melodies override my quiet harmonies; our voices swirl so elegantly together.

---

Sing a duet with me, as long as I once again hear the sweet sound of your voice.

LOL, Sarah.

Flawless.

You eyed the piece critically, subconsciously half-squinting whilst doing so. I stayed quiet, making sure you were allowed the complete experience without disruption. I couldn't help but fiddle with the zip on my jacket, and you shot an annoyed glare at me, scaring me into staying completely still. I mouthed a quick sorry, then fastened my hands together, and closed my eyes.

You sighed, and leaned back into your chair; you'd finished appraising the piece. I hesitantly squeezed open a single eye to search your face for some glimmer of approval, but I found only a tired and frustrated face.

"It's okay," You said simply, "some parts aren't that good, but it's overall okay."

I'd only wish you wouldn't see all the flaws anymore; instead focus on the good coming out of it.

---

Romans 8:28. :)

LOL, Sarah.

Smile, Boy.

I closed my eyes as I let the breeze whip through my hair. The sun had just set, and the wind sent chills through my body. A single street lamp desperately flickered on and off, trying to maintain a constant spot of light to ward off the lingering darkness. Trees created threatening shadows, attempting to envelop me with the unpredictable dark. They shook malevolently as another gush of wind sent goosebumps to my bare skin.

The flow was constant; this was it. I smiled, and allowed the wind to take control. My mind instantaneously flashed incoherent thoughts; I mistrusted, misjudged, doubted, the pictures in my head lit up like bright fireflies in the dusk, screaming an alarming case of danger. Adrenaline shot through my body, urging my muscles to tense up and catch myself, yet I maintained a fluid motion; I continued to fall backwards. But for a split second, I almost fought for my life.

Maybe you wouldn't catch me at all; maybe you'd let me fall this time around. Maybe you'd already gone... you'd already left me without warning. Maybe you would break your promise again after all.

My eyes shot open in horror, and all the muscles in my body tensed instantly, but I was too far back, and my legs already gave way. I opened my mouth to scream, but it was replaced with a muffled "oof" as my head and your chest collided, followed by the rest of me, which would have almost left us in a messed up heap had you not maintained a firm stance. You caught my arms with your own, and quickly wrapped our limbs around my waist to keep me steady. You immediately stepped forward, straightening me up to help me stand steadily on my feet. My legs wavered, and I almost fell right through your arms; you caught me again, and I was only inches away from having a bruised bottom. Just as I tried to stand, you released your hold, and I fell to the ground with a loud thud. The crickets nearby deadened their chirps to leave a short moment of mocking silence as I groaned at the bruising pain that you caused.

You chuckled, and walked around to face me, towering over me like a giant with the intention of crushing me. You were barely recognisable in the dark, but your eyes glittered cheekily, and your lips curved into a faint smile as you stuck your hand in front of my face. I refused your offer, hiding my shaky hands as I pushed myself up to meet him at eye level.

I stared deep into your magnificently bright eyes for a moment; and you did the same. Eventually, you lost your smile, and your eyes lost their shine. I continued to search your eyes for a short while longer, before cocking my head to the side and furrowing my eyebrows.

Smile, boy.

I squeezed your cheeks, then forced a smile onto your face. You bared your teeth unwillingly, and purposely sprayed my face as you laughed at me again. I flinched away from your saliva,, and threw a sharp glare are you. But I quickly joined in your laughter; my hands left your cheeks as you learned to smile without my handicap, and flung my arms around your neck. As if on impulse, you responded instantly, wrapping your arms around my waist; we pulled each other close into a tight hug. You chuckled as you lifted me off the ground, and I gasped as you left me hovering for a few seconds, before giving me control of my legs again. A sharp breeze splintered through my flannel shirt, and I buried my face into your chest again for warmth, giggling as I did.

At least for tonight, we're okay. At least I knew that we weren't turning away from each other, if anything.

---

Woot! Finally! Another story! I'm soo happy. Haha. It's so dramatic, but I put in a lot of time and effort into it. ;) I wanted to make it good.

And yeah, I do love you. I kind of think you're ace.

LOL, Sarah.

Yield Hurt.

We used to be like magnets. We hovered around each other, so close it was almost claustrophobic between us. We weren't bothered by each other's company, and we maintained conversations towards others without being distracted by our proximity. Numerous times, we'd bump into each other; arms, elbows, hands. Sometimes it was as if we were conjoined twins attached from the shoulder.

We were closer than just acquaintances, but you have reduced me to believe that we're almost hardly friends. I'm trying for us, but it's just not working anymore. It hurts to pull all the weight like this.

Don't say that everything was nothing, because it always is something. You knew it; I still believe it. But throw it away anyway, because I know that you believe it's for the better.

But you could at least warn me when you do.

LOL, Sarah.

We're All In This Together... Haha.

Hi there.

I need goals. And I need to be constantly reminded of them.

No, these are not New Year's Resolutions, because of this: http://thiswhitemansworld.blogspot.com/2009/01/resolution.html.

I'm getting way off track. I need to balance my life, and keep the balance consistent. I need my consistancy to be maintained at a high level of faith, trust, and perseverance. I need focus.

SO. This is the list.

- Maintaining a steady level of reading and studying the Word of God.
- Meditation and devotional/prayer time every morning and night.
- No more procrastinating, please. Start doing homework and actually study. It helps.
- Balance my social life with my school life.
- Let God be in everything. Be reminded of His promises, and be comforted.
- Spend more time with family; not time fighting. Actually, resolving come to understanding.


I am going to hate this list so much. I may as well put on things I want. HAHA, just as a random side note.

- A Ukelele!! I WANT ONE SOO BADLY. :'(
- I need a bag.. and a wallet... and shoes. LOL.
- Still want an IPod, but not as much anymore. I don't really neeeeeed it.
- Same with.. err. I forgot.
- A watch. Yeah, a waterproof one that still looks cool.
- Friends. LOL :) I always want more friends.
- A turtle. CHYEA MAN.
- A keyboard.

Yeah, I can't be bothered. Stupid holidays have made me lazy (it's an excuse for me not to blame myself... guh).

Pray for me; I kind of need it.

---

Hey, boy. I know we don't seem to know each other that well. I still think you're ace. You haven't changed a bit; I love how you're like that. Don't change... and if you do, warn me.

Thanks for stuff. Haha.

---

I guess we can still relive the moments, huh? Keep growing girly. :)

---

LOL, Sarah.

We Fit Nicely.

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle.

It's messy, complicated and perplexing, and it contains what seems like a million pieces that we have no idea how to fit together.

Some pieces, we can see little pictures, but they don't make sense until we join something else onto it.

Others, we try and force together, even though we know it's just not meant to be. As much as we try, we're only damaging the scenario. We're creating marks and scars in our life.

We don't know ourselves what we're meant to end up like. We can only see our choices to piece together; we only see the little pictures that eventually join up to create a masterpiece.

Yet maybe we can't finish it ourselves.

God's got the bigger picture, and when we let Him choose the pieces that really do go together, He'll turn our life into something ridiculously beautiful.

Even the pieces that we attempted to jam together, broke, and threw away...

Our life isn't complete without our flaws. God's masterpiece isn't beautiful until He has left His mark.

---

This is a really unsatisfyingly boring blog. But I'd wanted to write it for a while now...


LOL, Sarah.

"God's Perfect Will for You and Your Lifetime Partner".

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But [this is what] God says:


"No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living, loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and unreservedly to me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfactions to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship I have planned for you."

"You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or belongings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you that most thrilling plan exisisting, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the BEST! Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting that satisfaction, expecting the greatest thing and know that I Am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait! Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Dont look around at the things others have recieved. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to me, or you'll miss what I want to show you."


"And then when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would ever imagine. you see, until you are ready and until the one i have for you is ready (I am working this very minute to have you both ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have planned for you, you wont be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me..and this is perfect love. Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you utterly - I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied."


Remember that God has a perfect someone reserved for you. No need to rush. God will find a way for you to meet "THE ONE" just at the right time. In God's perfect time. This way, there'll be no regrets."

- Quoted from my adopted mother and great friend's blog.

Happy New Year.

You are far beautiful, beyond anything in this world.

It's a new year, but most of all, it's a new day. A fresh day, filled with countless opportunities and wonderous blessings.

My resolution is for consistency and balance. To develop a committing heart. And to recite Your promises; readying myself for Your glory.

LOL, Sarah.