Sentiment.

Merry Christmas all.

You all mean a bunch to me.

Saving Grace.

Of course Christmas has become materialistic. It's been like that for a long while now; we've just been to young and too innocent to have it revealed to us; that the world has plastered up Christmas to protect the vulnerable from seeing a Love so perfect. We've matured enough to see now how materialistic Christmas really is. But that's only ever been for those who don't know about the grace that saved us all, even if we don't want it.

Christmas is not materialistic for those who earnestly long to show their loved ones God's love for them through an exchange of gifts.
Christmas is not materialistic when, in the hustle and bustle of everything, we remember the spirit of God which resides within us with an overflow of love.
Christmas is not materialistic for those who can still see the heart of a human child in an animal's trough.

Again, without Christmas, there are no gifts. And there would be no Love.

---
Some people can only get by knowing they're loved, and that constant ache to hear that they are... Why do we hold ourselves in such low esteem? Why do we want people to constantly prove that they're there for us?

Why do I need? =(

LOL, Sarah.

Fool's Paradise.

Christmas weeeeeeek!

---
You with those sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Though I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can loose sight of it
And the darkness inside you makes you feel so small

But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful like a rainbow

Show me your smile
Don't be unhappy
Can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful
Like a rainbow

You're beautiful
I see your true colors
Just remember
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up because you know I'll be there

And I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful
Beautiful
Like a rainbow

LOL, Sarah.
I'd give anything to see you smile again.

Reason For The Season.

Why is it that I feel so unsettled? Spurts of anger, like fireworks arrayed in the black-blue night, shooting across with a glamorous repetition of shock and awe. Patterns arched over the sky; although expected, these lights dazzled the hearts of many, especially mine. How could my fiery heart bring so much wonder and astonishment?

Well, at least fireworks spark only on significant occasions.

---
It's as if we're waiting for it to dawn upon us... as inevitable as the rising of the sun, and yet still, It seems that Christmas has come at a later time than usual. Here I am, sitting in my mildly renovated room with just 5 days before Christmas. Five days... wow. Christmas has pretty much tripped me over this year and taken me by a complete surprise.

---
Maybe it was the Christmas Spirit that I was aching for... a shred of hope in the midst of the murky, shrouded cascading waters; the bustle of buying gifts, organising dates, holiday homework and preparations for the conference in only one week.

And the Spirit of giving is what I found; the ultimate gift that is simply incomparable to anything else.

The gift of Love.

Without Christmas, there would be no gifts... and so much more, there would be no Love. Just hurt.

Have a merry CHRISTmas week!

Lots Of Love, Sarah.
The sections mark that I've written on 3 different days :P I'm so lazy nowadays...

All About Love.

There is a sudden ring of hope, the moment I heard you say - no, it wasn't the three words, it was a phrase comprised of two different words. Two words that so gracefully fell from your lips to the corners of my ear. You retreated from your hug, and I was left there, stunned at what you said.

Two words that meant so much to me.
Two words that no one could take away.
Two words that I probably needed to hear the most... and yet I couldn't muster up the strength to say back.

And yet, is it so selfish to hear someone say this?
You mean more to me than you can imagine.
---
Lust is the physical attraction, whereas love is when the feeling is stripped away, and best friendship remains.

---

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”

I finally understand it. Whoever said it was so right...
But it could never stop you from loving them.

Selfless love.

---
I wish I could help.

LOL, Sarah.
Bleh sorry lame post.

Ardent Adoration.

So. I haven't posted in a while ):


Our similarities are oceans apart, but that doesn't cease our best friendship.

LOL, Sarah.
I'll be back... maybe sooner, maybe later.

Dilatory Meander.

Icebergs.
Drift close, drift far...
So free in the ocean wide horizon.

---
The first crack showed in the snowy blanket; a tiny splinter to one's short-sided vision. But walk on...

A large blizzardlike crevasse extended from that minuscule splinter; a trench with a seemingly endless bottom, almost sending sight's senses itself to a pit of black. The edges of either side of the crevasse crumble incessantly, mimicking the consequences of even the most minor of vibrations. A simple breath in the cold, a whisper into the musky air would send a few helpless rocks into the trench, with no avail to even hear of their landing.

The trench's end was almost indeterminate. At the very edge of the horizon, the ice seemed to part completely horizontally, and was met by a deep azure. Further than that, glimpses of tiny, white dots seemed to float about the horizon, each going in every different direction, as if to purposely steer away from shards formerly their own...

A tiny crack in the ice can make all the difference.

It is so unlike the platelets streaming through our blood as they pulse heatedly through our vessels. At the first exposure to the air we breathe, the tiny cells clump together unwittingly, each combining to strengthen a wall to stop an overflow of blood. How cunning it is that it is within our best interests to subconsciously stop bleeding, and yet in the oppression of life's deafening reality as a body, we seem to distance ourselves from each other so advertently as to protect ourselves singularly, instead of all of ourselves.

---
Could I imagine enough that an answer, formidable as it may be, would float down like a diminishing cloud into my hands? Could it explain the countless questions and frazzling indictments which have been thrusted into my turn of this sequence of events?

If only I could believe so, I would work a way then to fight against this natural occurence of consequence after consequence.

So just why is it, that we drift? And why is the present always more painful than the past, as possibly an inkling of foreseeable damage in the future?

Sure, we're human, but even our own body works each body part so cunningly together to rescue us from our rue.

LOL, Sarah.
And yet, still, the environment could never be more beautiful... even in its dying days.

Irrevocable Extrication.

Must John Mayer be so hot?

---
Swimming in deeper waters... As treacherous as they may be, I will wade myself there and back to safety, because I have you in my arms and I'm desperate to see you wake, just so that I can see you smile warmly once more; a warming, heartfelt upturn of the corners of your lips juxtaposed against the cold, deathly touch of your pale skin. Although, I would not dare to fight for your life, not without your response and permission to; that you would be fighting alongside me. Still. I am a soldier in the front lines, awaiting your command to fire, attack, or fallback.

But really, all I wanted to hear was the sound of your voice.

---
I guess every gift should have a ribbon around it.
Whether thick, thin, satin or paper,
It enhances the beauty of a present.

Pull just one end, and the entire strong comes undone,
Or hold it at the cross-section,
And lift it like a burden off your heart.

Perhaps the decor is just for laughs, for looks.
But no one can fathom how simple it is to remove
Nor how it can cradle the entire present in its arms...

We're all a gift, either opened up or set aside.
You can always set the ribbon loose, as long as you know how to...
Only then can you discover its true contents within.

So it's not really about the ribbon at all.
Decor is fancy,
But inside counts most.

LOL, Sarah.
Borrowed a friend's style of writing... to an extent.

Bum Chums.

What you're going through, I honestly don't know if I understand. I wish there was something I could do, something that I could say to you to lift your spirits. I would do what I can to encourage you, to lighten your heavy burden. But I search as much as I can, and I can find nothing to pull together and wrap you around in love.

I wish to find such words that would comfort you, cradle you in their warmth and in their assurance. However, my senseless mind can barely conceive your heartache and your pain, and anything I choose to say would be placed as a burden rather than that of doves lifting you to the clouds as you rest in sadness. I wish I could pillow your head with a gentle phrase, cover you with the love that was so carelessly torn away from you.

I have leant you my shoulder, but I fear my reckless tongue I cannot subdue, as I long to pour out only words you need to hear. I don't wish to hurt you more than you are bearing... and I am not tame enough to do otherwise.

You're my best friend... And I am at a loss of words and of ability to stir up even a smile across your face, even just for the shortest amount of time.

I fear what I have done has been damaging... but I don't want to give up on you.

And I guess finally, I just want to tell you how much I love you.. how much I worry and care for you. My concerns for your best interests have been with you since the beginning, and I'd only wished for your eternal happiness, with or without me. I've never been more proud to have a best friend, and would never accept another best friend other than you. I can't imagine life without you as my best friend... I love you so much. I just wish I were always there for you, with all the right words to say, the words you need to hear, and the words that sooth your sore heart.

I pray for your happiness. And I pinky promise you, I will stand by you as much and as long as humanly possible.

LOL, Sarah.
Make a wish, love.

Taking Chances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5EC6wY1Da8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=av8_Q_6xZ-Y&feature=related

gLee has great songs.

LOL, Sarah.

Heaven's Tears.

You know you love John Mayer when you've listened to a song for the tenth time, and yet it still gives you shivers.

---
I looked up at the window...

... And I saw the heavenly pearls form.

The earth seemed to moan at the deprivation of warmth, and the clouds in turn cried in despair, fastening their grip on the skies, each bellow heavier than its last.

Tiny beads of silver crept together in deep, magnetic attraction, swooning in circles as they accumulated. Like jewels, they glistened in the scarce rays of the sun as it searched for peepholes within the blankets of grey.

Millions of minuscule sparkles were sprayed across the surface of the glass, clustering together to create large, clear pearls; so smooth, round and perfect. The pearls rolled towards the edges of the glass in eager competition, as directed by a force of gale winds, gathering small, singular droplets along the way.

---
And when things like this happen, you can't help but to barrack for the fastest droplet.. haha.

I still see a glimpse of heaven, no matter where I go.

LOL, Sarah.
Sorry about my lame posts... I really have not been inspired lately.

Merely Discrepant.

I gots myself a Gollywog.

Shut up. I know I'm weird. But everone's different.

---
I used to be so attached. Once attached, any kind of removal of me would be like a removal of a part of me. But I soon realised that removal was inevitable.
So I cut myself off from all appendages in hopes to remove the destining pain. And so...
Now, I find myself almost impossibly receiving what I once was, and what had created me to become a thick, black whirlpool.
I've forgotten how to receive, and it seems to me that in doing so... I've forgotten how to give, too.

---
My heart and my head is too heavy for me to bear. I can barely think of words to say as to believe that nothing has affected me.

LOL, Sarah.
Sorry that I'm human.

Memoirs Of Elementary.

Have you ever felt guilty for showering whilst it was raining outside?
Cos I have.

---
[In no particular order...]

- Hilton Thai and I used to roam on the school grounds, pretending to be dinosaurs.
- Nafiye Suleyman, who was my best friend for almost my entire Primary School life :) we used to stand in the doorways pretending to be trapped in a prison, and then we'd try to escape from it.. from no one :P
- Jesse Stafrace and I tried to bully each other by abusing each other's surnames, And I'd cry, and then later on we'd be friends again :]
- Aaron Santos denied my request to play four square, and I ran off like a little sulk. Haha I cried so much =3=. And Nafiye, I remember distinctly, preceded to say "Nice one! You hurt her feelings!" And ran after me.
- Benjamin Sortino, my only primary school crush... who everyone thought liked someone else. Does Mugambah Buhana from grade 4 ring any bells to you?
- Ashlee Polidano and Ben were the class couple in grade 5.. even though they weren't.. I don't think? :P
- Ashlee Marmara, my second best friend.
- Lisa Le, who I tried to convert in grade 3 by telling her to remember the crucifixion :| LOL!
- Linda Nguyen, who let me borrow a teddy on 'Bring Your Bear' Day.. or was it John? :O
- Chu Chen! Who had liked me for ages, and spoiled my last day by telling me that people were signing cards for me when I came back from my trumpet lesson.
- Tracy Tran, who showed me what a friendship book was... and also pressured me into liking Asian boys in grade 5... and I remember you saying "I hate it when people think I'm angry at them or greasing them when all I'm doing is squinting at the sun!"
- James Burke, who had a bit of a tummy and always acted like a goof :P
- John, who was always too shy to talk to me (and was and still is obsessed with Pokemon).
- Hoan Dang, who I thought was possibly the quietest kid in the world...
- Douglas Burgos, who always went up to me with John to get him to confess his feelings for me because John was to scared to do it himself :P
- Kathy Truong was taller than EVERYONE.. seriously everyone.
- Erold Dejito convinced me that before we get to heaven, Satan was going to ask us if we like the number 6, and if we did, we'd go to hell. LOL
- Huy Tran, who always smiled.. and was the first brace-face I knew :] so cute LOL
- Jay Amatya, who Mr. Elliot in grade 5 asked him what franchise meant.. and he was the only one who knew it. Everyone was amazed. Utterly amazed.

I do remember the last day of school, when we finished at 1:30, and we went over to Chu's house. We put in my new CD (I think someone gave it to me for a gift... was it you, Chu?) Bring Me To Life - Evanescence began to play, and Ben preceded to sing like a pansy. Of course, all guys sounded like girls then because they hadn't had their voices broken yet. And Chu tried to hit on me! LOL with the whole *yawn.. puts arm around shoulder* move.
And us and the rest of the boys had pizza :]
Best friends included: Nafiye, Ashlee, Linda, Tracy...

I was possibly the biggest tomboy, with an endless list of guys who we played downball for hours on end. Or at least until play time finished!
And I also remember:
- Lindita Demiri
- Hao Dang [ran into you a while ago...]
- Christopher Dealey
- Christopher Le
- Dilek Ozen
- Simon Vo [ran into you too... :]
- Andy Lieu
.. And people whose last names I don't remember D:
Comment if you remember any more :]

Miss you all,
LOL, Sarah.

Allusive Fervence.

And so there I went again,
Repeatedly saying I'd never end up there.
And yet by a wave of a day's end,
I was once again wound up in the middle of nowhere.

--
Now, breathe easy, My suffering child,
Maybe you will see the glorious sunrise.
For the light may shed some mercy mild
And raise you to a cloud of peace to abide.

The rain has drenched your clothes
With drops of acid and crystal too harsh to bear.
But all of a sudden your Lover comes betrothed
With a rainbow of promise to show you He cares.

So forever you will soar
On mountains high and valleys low.
After jumping through Grace's door
And diving into a sky of freshly awakened hope.
--
The deepest darker dark cannot suppress
Me now, for You carry me on Your back.
I was Your cross of sin, burden, darkness
Vanquished and replaced, so that nothing but sin will I lack.

---
I was reading my set poems for my English exam, and studying became procrastinating.
And so now, here I am, presenting to you a result of my hesitating :]

And yes, that rhymed as well.

LOL, Sarah.

Balloonatic Contour.

This is an introversion of my brain with all its bubbly wonders.

It really is all just a few items here and there; thoughts written as words, cartoons symbolizing a best friend, family, a future.

Fireworks that mark the implosions of the thoughts in my mind, and the waves that follow it.

Flora which stems up hope, or just the petals of which have no foundation whatsoever...

And a plagiarism of John Mayer's 'Heartbreak Warfare' icon, by which I could interpret as a heart halved by lightning at the roots of a love.

And a cloud, oh, how I wish to be spared aloft.

And in the corner is an inner conscience that doesn't understand any of it. Yes. My inner conscience is a man. Supposedly. It could be someone else. Something random... to keep my mind off it all.

And yes, you can click the picture.

LOL, Sarah.
On the back of this page is a series of drawings, and 2 sentences remained unfinished.

Hello.

4our things that people absolutely must know about me, even if they knew nothing else.

1. I am obsessed with orange.
2. I am utterly in love with John Mayer.
3. I am amazed by corny one-liners, whether they be pick-up lines or lame jokes.
4. I am completely insane.

(:

LOL, Sarah.
Anh Jon Tran's primary school jacket... tehe.

Friends, Lovers or Nothing.

66 minutes and 58 seconds of pure pleasure.

LOL, Sarah.

Rag Doll.

I am your toy.
A smile pasted across my face so that you can share in the joy I portray.

Pull the string.
You will only hear words you want to hear; words that lift your spirit.

Make me walk.
You hold my hand, and you bounce me up and down the green grass, before hoisting me into your secret treehouse.

You talk to me.
You tell me about your day, and you whisper your deepest, darkest secrets into my flimsy ears in your secret hideout way above the ground.

You say you love me.
You hug me tight, and say that I'm yours forever; I'm your only best friend, the best in the whole wide world.

---
Years go by.
You brush the dust off my face, and a smile returns to you again as you reminisce your younger years with me. Again, you take me to your secret places, laugh at me as you hear me speak encouragement into your heart. You carry me on your shoulders as you climb up into your secret treehouse, and there, you hug me tight and say "I've missed you, old best friend". You see a bit of stuffing escape my frail body and my stitches come loose, and you caress my rugged hair lightly as you fix me up again.

And then you leave.
You pack me up, and put me away. You're older, and more mature; what I once was as a best friend to you is not what you needed now. You've found better things, new, modern things which make you laugh so much harder, and leave you with the broadest smile in the world. A smile which I have not seen before. A laugh which I have not heard before. A hurt, which I have not felt before...

"I love you, boy, you are by far the greatest best friend and boyfriend in the entire universe".

---
Torn, tossed around and thrown away.
I am a thing of the past, and you are too mature to wish to spend time with me anymore. You say that I'm childish, useless, and that I no longer satisfy your needs.

My cotton heart bleeds with wisps of stuffing, but you will never know.

LOL, Sarah.
This is an allegory.

Erm, Christianity.

What we thought were once clouds are in fact the fumes we believe will sustain us till the end of time. What will become of the trees? Will the atmosphere be but a pool of black oil?

And here we are, gaping our mouths wide open to catch the stained acids of the sky; no longer will we drink the crystal drops of heaven, but the metal splinters of man's best treasures.

---
*sigh*, we're so human. I'm so human.

It's quite difficult being of a Christian family and within the church; people almost expect you to be stronger than you really are; to be the mighty men and women of God of who nothing can sway them or cause them to stumble. The ridiculous expectations thrust upon us; we must be perfect, we must abide by God's law, we must not swear, we must be picture perfect, we must be good little church boys and girls.

I'm afraid that I can't live up to these expectations. In fact, I doubt anyone can. We're not radical, almost-angels and more holy than anyone else. We're only human.

Did you know that most churches consist of so many "sinful" people? Liars, Drug-addicts, Cheaters, Thieves, Alcoholics, Sex offenders... the list goes on.

I think it's fair to say that just because we're a bunch of Christians, it doesn't mean that we're not any less guilty. In fact, strangely enough as it is, we know that we're wrong-doers, sinners, disgusting low-lives that don't fit the "Christlike" persona.

And it doesn't mean we don't feel the pain and suffering of harsh lives. The only difference is- we hope. We hope and we hope and we hope in a future of bigger plans for us; plans to prosper us and not to harm us.

I can see where the statement "Christianity is perhaps one of the most difficult lifestyles to undertake", because I know that when we don't have hope, Satan doesn't need to worry about us. We've got nothing, so he'll leave us alone. But when we hope, and we hope and we hope, he despises it. So much so that he'll do anything to cause us to stumble. He'll attack us personally, our family, our friends, our possessions...

And I suppose I understand that under the condition of God's love, if we are willing to go all out for Him, we've got to be prepared to sacrifice. Our families, our possessions- our lives even.

In Vietnam and Thailand, people really do sacrifice their families. They are shunned from their communities, beaten on a daily basis because they choose hope. Speak the name of Jesus in a rural area in a country like Vietnam, and you should prepare to be killed.

All because of hope, hope, hope. How lucky we are to be able to hope without stumbling over our family's lives.

And I'm not saying that I've got a hard lifestyle. I've got an easy one, actually, but I'm faced with human experience in a human body... I stumble, I fall. But I get back up again. I cry, I lose heart, and yes, even faith sometimes... but I hope.

You will stumble, you will fall. And maybe you will get back up again, or just accept that once you're down at the bottom, Satan won't worry about you because you have no future. Or you can hope, hope, hope, and stand on God's foundations, because God has a bigger plan for you.

LOL, Sarah.
Don't tell God how big your problem is, tell your problem how big your God is! - Ha, cheesy.

Suckling On Wires.

What would happen if you woke up one day to suddenly realise that there were no longer any means of communication with me?

Because I'm no longer a cyber being.

---
How devastating it is to know that our relationships are now built on purely electronic words: lol, k, hru... just to name a few. We've degraded our language, and lowered our standards. Heck, my school's passing level is 35%, that's so lame. Haha.

But in saying all this, I relate myself to the grasp that today's society has on our daily functioning. Lacking MSN, especially in school days will only cause people to become socially outcast, not knowing the instant gossip that are spoon fed to us in every way possible to do with online communication.

And how we are so withdrawn from talking in person. See, here I am. I am a traditionalist; ie. I don't find online communications as a significant and necessary means for the survival of a friendship. Hence I don't rely on being on MSN nor Facebook to keep up to date with e.g my best friend, of whom I rarely speak to on MSN anyway. The biggest problem I have with these means of building up relationships is that it's so multi-faceted. People can so easily lie, pretend they're on top of the world when they're secretly drowning in despair. I know someone who talks to me on MSN like nothing's wrong, and yet can't bring a smile to their face whenever I pass them by. It's almost as if online communication is the new mask. Maybe we can finally read human expressionism through their behaviour. How I wish this to be true.

I guess that's my petty explanation of why it's so hard to maintain a good relationship with me. I almost despise MSN. I'm only online just in case; talking to only 2-3 people on a consistent level. I enjoy real communication, face-to-face... Not even talking on the phone cuts it. But it's become inevitable: social acceptability seems to have online communication as its top obligation and an absolute necessity as a social norm.

But has anyone else been feeling the torment of such a lack of a deeper relationship?

I guess not.

LOL, Sarah

School.

Dear teachers:

This is my letter of concern to the academic progress of the up and coming students of my generation. I just would like to point out to you a serious flaw in the system, because we understand that none of you are impressed with our apathetic demeanor towards school. So, I'm writing to tell you what the majority of us are feeling about your disappointment.

Maybe we would take school more seriously if each year actually counted for something at the end of it. As in...
DON'T MAKE OUR FUTURE RELY ON THE RESULTS OF YEAR 12 ONLY. What happens if we had a bad year?

That's really it, I suppose. Everything suddenly relying on one year is just not fair. Not only is there no consistency, there's an overwhelming amount of pressure; poor study habits, and well, I know these are choices that we choose to make. However... what happens if we did awesome in one year but failed at the next? Or failed at the year before, but aced the next?

No consistency. That's all I'm saying.

LOL, Sarah.

Disquieted Exigency.

This is so bloody beautiful, and soon to add is the latest album and shirt. Wooowoooo (:

---
I woke up unsettled this morning, and more tired than the night before. This feeling continued throughout majority of the morning; like a sickening, never 100% feeling that abstained from my body ever releasing energy into my muscles. My eyes welled up multiple times whenever I thought about anything; church, school, home. It was almost as if a negative presence was weighing me down, oppressing and squeezing out the emotions that I so neatly packed into a tiny box in the corner of my heart.

I almost choked at every conversation had, and I struggled to keep a clean composure; how I feared being weak and helpless in front of everyone. Possibly I feared their tension, their misunderstanding, their lack of care; although I know they support, they give concern and they love. Or perhaps I was so paranoid about being so insecure, so needy, and so vulnerable. They just didn't need my burdens.

Sometimes, I just need assurance...

Because it was all just stress before the exam. I don't need these downgrading thoughts that push me to the brink of sanity, where beyond this cliff lies the pits of paranoia. I just can't handle it all.

---
So yeah, a temporary goodbye unless I need a getaway from the study. I'm so scared for my Jesus exam! Jesus is with me! :D?

LOL, Sarah.

Bereavement Of Speculation.

I always need a little bit of what could kill me.
That is, water.

---
I ventured out into the world on my own; the glints of light reflective of the sun upon the ocean surface stung at my eyes as waves curdled and the soft winds caused ripples in the water. I squinted as I examined the vast blue that was beyond me, saving my eyes from the acute particles that threatened to embed as crystals into my foggy eyes.

Waddle, waddle... I struggled to maintain momentum as I found myself wading through thick dunes of sand, which, magnified by the sun, reflected immense heat which stung and burned at my feet. I hopped and dwardled along, desiring so much simply to feel the rush of cool water lapping against my stubby legs.

But the shore was so far away, and clouds began to muster up their heaviest sighs. They grumbled in chagrin, and overthrew the sun's eminence with their own howling billows. Drizzles turned into rain, and whistles turned into whips as the storm began its melancholic dance.

I am too slow.

There were dangerous times ahead, and it was only reasonable to retreat. Within this shell, where everything within is so intensely personal, and can only be seen by a single person, every secret hidden in every crease and crack, shadowed by the distant light of the outside world.

I am secure here. I am safe from the pelting rain over my shelter, the icy cubes that knocked on my roof. From the slice-and-dice play of the wind and sand duet, I can recollect my thoughts and abandon my journey until it is clear.

But I am lonely.

Sheltered in a shell, and moving so dreadfully slow that as I climb, I feel like I'm falling rather than hiking.

I am owning the characteristics of a turtle.

---
Dreadfully sick, it's horrid. Handkerchiefs are so stupid.

LOL, Sarah.
And Amy, the the lyrics are the video's song!

Everything.

Find me here,
And speak to me.
I want to feel you,
I need to hear you.
You are the light,
That is leading me,
To the place where,
I find peace again.

You are the strength,
That keeps me walking.
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting.
You are the life to my soul.
You are my purpose.
You're everything.

And how can I,
Stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?

You calm the storms.
You give me rest.
You hold me in your hands.
You won't let me fall.

You steal my heart,
And you take my breath away.
Would you take me in?
Would you take me deeper now?

And how can I,
Stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me,
How could it be,
Any better than this?

Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need,
You're everything.
Everything.

---
How could it be any better than this?

LOL, Sarah.
I cried. Again.

The Heartbeat Momentum.

Little moments that made me smile today:
- Realising I was the eldest in the whole school, and being the only one to hold the "Doey" legacy lol (:
- Kathy's Phamily haha
- Getting the yay from Ms Old for our secret plans to unfold... not so secret anymore :P
- Getting on the airconditioned bus to get away from the sweltering heat of which I melted into sweat. Yuckies.
- Finally resting at Gloria Jeans with an Arnott's Tim Tam Iced Chocolate... that was grand.
- Assembling a McDonald's toy the wrong way around, and thus making it look quite rude lol. This was totally unintentional. (:
- Getting John Mayer's discography (except for his latest) as hard copies.
- Seeing Linda and Phillip (:
- Getting my 'Where The Light Is' DVD back. *sigh*, John Mayer live... I've missed you.
- Going to gym... and walking on wobbly legs. Satisfaction in hard work (:

My heart skips a beat for everytime God gives me a reason to smile.

Yes, I did study today. Practice exam paper and a chapter of Psychology. Woot for the test tomorrow. Will explain the meaning of 'sheltered in a shell' and 'characteristics of a turtle' in the very near future. It's nearing any minute now!

My legs are sore... totally not looking forward to the pain of tomorrow... lol.

LOL, Sarah.
"H is for Hello... A is for Adorable.... P is for Pretty.... P is for Princess... and Y is for You. OOOOERS! alot of thought was put into that!" - Gorby (:

Movie Treats.

The clouds were drawn towards the horizon in a hazy, soft manner. They were distant; harmless, and yet they captivated me through their beauty. I looked onwards as I saw them aloft, colliding in harmony with the sky scrapers; they looked like popcorn so heavily stuffed into its box that it caved in, overflowing with puffs of yellow and white. But the clouds maintained their clumped, sharp shape as they floated in the distance.

You can't help but wonder to yourself what the weather's like where the clouds are... Is it raining? Is it overcast? Is there a heaven-sent sign dawning upon them after a light drizzle?

Two hours later.

As I elevated my eyes towards the pale blue dome that encompassed the atmosphere once again, I found the clouds dispersed from their clumped heap of popcorn-like forms. As they began to stretch across the horizon, the glints off the edges of the clouds began to fade into the soft azure, and the popcorn clouds melted into bundles of white, fluffy fairy-floss which hung across the sky.

And I realised just this: clouds in the distance look a lot more like popcorn, and as they draw near, they tend to soften and become like fairy floss... I think I resort to food too much.

Another two hours later...

The clouds had overcome, but the sun shone brightly, reminding me instantly of the silver lining beyond each grey. A soft haze began to encompass the horizon and met the sun in its descent, with a pale blue carrying the clouds in every direction, like patches of black on a dalmatian puppy which disperse as it ages.

And it was now that I decided to take a momentous picture, because I will never cease to be amazed at their simplicity; the wisps of white that, by the imagination, creates such colourful pictures within our minds, and although with them, they bring along rain... there's a lining, and it's silver among every cloud, and a promise that follows soon after (:

I love nature. I love clouds, animals, flora, fauna... but I hate water. o.O

---
I don't really understand the look you give me; in anger, spite, or in desperation. But I don't want to face your facade. I would rather face nothing.

LOL, Sarah.

Necessitate Satisfaction.

Featuring: The best friend. This is probably the most normal out of our collection. Gotta love MAC Photo Booths. (:

Happy 200th called for a layout change and a new photo. I feel refreshed now (:

... Although, I'm fairly tired.

I really want to do that 365 photo thing. New Year's Resolution! :) Now I can stop stealing amazing photos from DeviantArt tehe.

Been craving to go to Highpoint for so long now... I feel so satisfied ^^ Thanks daddy. Probably will not be doing anymore shopping for the rest of the year ):

I wanted to write about clouds, but I'll probably do that tomorrow. In the mean time, I shleep (:.

Happy 200th, I hope it's all been worthwhile. (:

LOL, Sarah.
Yes, I love complex headings with simplistic contents.

Staggering Denouement.

This is officially the 199th posted blog. It feels good. I love the awkward feel of borderlining 200, but not counting that number as important. (;

I think I'm the only one who's read all of my blogs so far. Cool stuff!

... And my blog tells me I have 205 posts. It's so unreliable -.-"

Anyway. Hello.

---
"One, two, three, four..."

I mumbled numbers under my breath as I counted each crevasse and bump whilst running my fingers over the rough surface. From time to time, my fingers would dip into a crack, and follow the wooden trench along as it arched along the awkwardly shaped dome. The natural carvings within the wood were covered in sharp needles of bark, attempting to graze and splinter at the tips of my fingers, but my index dodged the traps as it continued to glide over the stump, and I continued to count the rings; the memories that the tree once had.

It once stood so tall, so majestic and strong. No one would have thought it would falter; it could not be swayed, nor could it move from its place. The tree stood with the deepest of roots and the strongest of foundations. Its branches were lavished with brilliant, deep greens, its leaves bursting with life and animation as they rustled in the gentle cradle of the wind. Bright, vivacious colour livened the branches further as plumps of red fruit extended from the smaller branches, dangling in the face of danger at the tree's subtle swings from side to side.

The tree was fruitful, bursting with life, and remained so strong, that even when gusts whipped and sliced at its trunk, it would stand its ground, its leaves fluttering about and its fruit following suit. There was nothing that could move this tree.

So what happened? It wouldn't be swayed, it wouldn't falter, but there is nothing left but a stump. Its deepest roots and most steadfast of foundations have lost its purpose, and the strong, majestic trunk, followed by its delightful branches once filled with life have now disappeared. No one could any longer boast of this mighty tree, because it was gone. It didn't even stand a chance against the jagged teeth of man's new best friend: technology.

The powers of nature and environment may not have swayed us for all this time, and for sure, I was convinced that we would hold for years to come. But who could foresee the cruel death of this tree by the hands of man?

... And of all hands, yours?

---
Did you know that...
The term web was coined because the internet is like a spider's web, all intertwined and connected?
And blogging was coined because of the nature of logging your account onto the web - thus web logging?

Oh, the fascinations of the simple things. :)

LOL, Sarah.
Please click on the picture, it oozes of majesty.

Chocolate Intervention.

Is it habit that I don't post on the first of each month anymore? o.O

For now, I just feel... fine.

So, I'm sorry that things aren't working out. I just don't think I can handle another best friend, not after last time.

---
So badly, I want to be exposed. Like a chocolate fountain, thick with rich yet secretive ingredients, and yet poured out for the world to see and savour. Yet no one will ever know just how delicate this chocolate is until they take a strawberry and dip it in. Even so, the strawberry distills the taste. It hides away the true identity of its companion.

Or perhaps my fountain is lackluster... dull. Chocolate never shone brightly, nor sparkled as it dripped so smoothly from platform to platform. It would not be able to provide with delightful entertainment that water fountains may, nor could it rush like a violent stream down the sides of the fondue.

So yes, it was lackluster. Perhaps uninteresting... but it maintained some kind of mysteriousness, by which no one knew whether it was too chocolatey, sugary, or too plain as it looked. And even so, it would still dazzle me.

I cower at anyone who dares to try and discover my taste. Their sudden authority to tip me out and leave me to clog the drain... It scares me deeply, because I don't want to give up. Not just yet. I may be in the drain, but I resist being washed away by the streams of water trembling down...

---
Even so, maybe I want to share.

To enjoy the honey that trickled towards the surface of my lips, and the warm ooze of banana as it melted in my mouth. The fluffy blanket of freshly heated batter tore so easily as I passed the knife through it, and cream dribbled delicately from its soft crevasses. As I placed the treat into my mouth, my heart almost swooned at the rich, creamy texture of the crepe. With haste, I scooped a small amount of ice-cream and dipped the spoon into my mouth, its chilly sensation tingled at the tip of my tongue as the textures enveloped in the cages of my teeth.

This sweet, sober moment was to be savoured...

---
But never alone. I wish it was never.

LOL, Sarah.

Hazard Signs.

So it seems that I can't keep my promises in the blogging world...

Saying we makes me feel better, because maybe others feel the same way.

---
But everything is stuck. Stopped in its tracks. Like a car with its tire dipped in a deep pot hole filled with sticky mud, a log hinged between the wheels of a train, or a jet trying to achieve lift off, but its engine is choked by unfamiliar matter.

Stuck, and hazardously stuck, like a car accident which causes an inconvenience to those trying to go about their daily lives. That ambulances, fire brigades, and other authorities of service are needed because of our troublesome, messy selves. We're the inconvenient mess they have to clean up when we're scattered and so numb in shock at the situation we've caused, all because of our ignorance and selfish greed.

Yes, we're a wreck at times. We get help, and surely afterward, we're armoured with new equipment to prepare us for a similar situation. We have a newer, sturdier helmet, because those collisions almost gave us serious head-damages. We're ready again soon enough, with the foothold of others.

We just can't do it by ourselves.

---
I tire of this. I felt the biggest fake today, and I couldn't bring myself to tell the truth again. I am horrified.

But I have so many blessings... I of all people should not be one to complain. I am blessed.

LOL, Sarah.
I like finding pretty photos, it makes me happy.

A Tremour Of Sentiment.

The long awaited. The highly anticipated. The new exhilaration following this heart-felt warming sensation.

---
Trying to slow the motions of time down.

Afraid to close my eyes, because my dreams will steal away what I could so willfully use.

Conscious of communications, in case I get carried off into a world that dismisses the thoughts of time.

Reluctant to move an inch, knowing that every contraction, every reflex, every tension, steals a moment that can never be taken back.

I could stare at the clock, watching as the repetitious arrows encircle its centre, inevitably winding closer to my deadline meet.

So scared to have an inkling of fun... because they say that time flies when you're having fun. Motionless, I would stare at the clock. It's fairly relaxing; I like relaxing... It's fun.

But there's an impossible loophole to my theory of slowing down time. The definite strokes of the clocks are undeniable; unstoppable. I'm in a losing battle...

---
Have you ever noticed?
How the soft rumbles of your heart can only be heard at a standstill; in an almost-silence occasion where we do nothing but halt our fidgeting bodies.

I can't help but think about the murmuring of our hearts; how they echo through the halls of our arteries; its steady beating bringing a soft momentum the subtlest of reverberations throughout our bodies. How, as we lie in darkness, listening to the sounds of the clock ticking ever so nonchalantly; the winds cooing as they return with the life of wings- creatures of the sky huddling within their nests, protecting their newborns - the cooling hum of the refrigerator in its dutiful maintenance of keep; the soft snores from neighbouring rooms, or from outside, where a single dog nestles in the comfort of his own house...

... That our fingers softly, unconsciously drum on the sheets, our toes twitch at the slightest just under the doona, and that each hair on our head rustles softly as it finds a new place to settle. As we are at a standstill, our heart beats at its loudest, still working strenuously and tirelessly to keep us alive, even as we sleep.

And once more, our hearts thud in our ears after an adrenaline rush. Amidst the journey, we can only focus on the destination at hand, but we fall across the finish line, exasperated, and all we can hear is the sound of our heart, still working, so earnestly and diligently to relax our aching bodies. Only once we've stopped ourselves can we hear the sacred sound of a heart so worn, so exhausted, and yet in our tribulation, our hearts beat at their loudest to let us know that we're still alive.

They haven't given up on us just yet.

LOL, Sarah.

Maladroit Gesticulation.

I want to fast forward to the future. Forget all the plans that we have now, and get to the ceremonial ends. Who says the journey is all that matters? I don't want it, not anymore...

---
It's an awkward feeling.

The sun shimmering off my pale skin, warming me to the core. I could relax in the wonder of its warmth as it hangs in the sky, reaching its rays around me like a warm hug. With the same hands, it rolls back the curtain of clouds, leaving a spotless blue sky with just the atmosphere to magnify the sun's allure.

But the sheer winds disconcert me and discomfort me, cutting with its cold, invisible touch and sending shivers throughout my body. I'm inexplicably confused by this juxtaposition of the sun, how it gently draws me near and lures me into the indulgence of its rays, whilst the harsh billowing of the winds, which cut at my skin so insincerely and so relentlessly, alter my body's longing to relax. It almost sways me towards rejecting the warmth of the sun, despite the security I found in its embrace.

I wonder weather... I should stay outside and embrace these trying times, where the environment that surrounds me is as natural as a sinful earth can be, otherwise return to a safe-haven where I am caught by the man-made, the unnaturally warm, and the eternally deficit.

... Like my electric blanket.

---
Whenever I look at you, I can't help but to not be able to recognise who you are anymore. I'm unsure, but I can't seem to hear your voice as one whose is familiar, nor can I understand any of your actions. It's as if I don't know you anymore, and I simply don't know why.

---
I feel like a water balloon, filled time and time again with water, so much so that I cannot bear to withhold anymore. I am on the verge of breaking, but I have been suppressed at just the right time so that I can be tied. However, I am so afraid of breaking; so scared that one motion of just a tiny bit of too much force, explosions like water balloons would drench the dim concrete.

I don't want to push this, but I will savour this moment of such a profound satisfaction. After all, I've been stretched, and I'm pushing at my limits, but am I not so full?

...

I feel somewhat exhilarated; unnaturally, a sudden euphoria envelops me at this moment, and it is most certainly unshakable. An abrupt overflow of peace settles me, despite...

---
Yes. Blame my mood swings again, but it cannot stop this peace... at least not for now. Thank God that He answers prayers.

I'm so sorry for the extremely emotive blogs; inconsiderate of me to even think that anyone would be interested in the intensely personal aspects of my life. Sorry, and I hope you'll still read... to you few readers out there!

Each image I post up not only heavily corresponds to my post, but also, each has a link to its original whereabouts. I have been using many photos from deviantArt lately, so support the artists, and check out their works! :)

LOL, Sarah.
This post is proudly dedicated to anh Jon Tran. Ain't he "wheaty"?

White Liar.

It's been bothering me.

I keep thinking back to last week; that evening where we just sat in the car, listening to smooth tunes of John Mayer.

I thoroughly enjoyed the peace whilst I was with you; that is, until you challenged me with the simplest of questions, stuttering my speech and entirely overwhelming with the suppressed emotion I kept so quietly until now. I couldn't look at you, and I couldn't answer you straight away. I could not bring myself to lie to you, but I simply could not tell you the truth of the effects of the events of my past week. I instantaneously zoned out on the question in effort to shrug it off, but you persisted, your concern ringing through the air as you almost nervously asked for my assurance that I had been alright.

No matter how I tried, I could not bring myself up to giving you the truth. Disconcerted, I barely mumbled the words you just needed to hear. My speech became slurred, and shaken as I tried to tell you the lie as truthfully as I could for what it was worth. You accepted it, and flowed on towards better conversation as I looked out the window, with an egg of self loathing hatching once again within my heart.

I don't know why I lied, nor do I know why I can't face up to it.

It's just been bothering me.

---
The word "love" has become overused, overlooked, misinterpreted, misused, disregarded and underestimated.



It's funny how some of the closest people to us are so far away, and the ones that we consider closest and close are close with so many others, not giving us the time to be even closer , and yet the one's that aren't so close seem to be our only close friends. We wish we were closer, but the ones close we aren't so close with at all...



---
Gosh, I'm so desperate to keep up with my blog posts as to stoop as low as going back to the very basis of my beginnings of the world of blogging: MySpace.

Written 2 years ago.

LOL, Sarah.
Please, just flood me with pure water, not the polluted seas of oil and debris.

Amuck Ruckus.

You just know that there's something up when...

It's 11:33 in the evening- no, I'll correct myself- AT NIGHT, and you're hungry.

I'm so hungry! I spoke the very words to emphasise how hungry I was, and as I continue to write this, I still cannot deliberate that it was effective in any way whatsoever. :\ I'm a strange person. We'll deal with that soon enough though.

I've written a few more sentences on my little white box, and to answer Amy's 2 questions: It's something like a time capsule, except I have no intention of burying it; it can just sit on my table where it's easily accessible when I need to write something...
Which reminds me, I do remember my youth group making a time capsule and burying it in church in like 2005 or something lols... to this day, we can still not find it (: Gotta love youth.

And with the no Facebook thing.. if anyone's noticed, it hasn't gone very well, although I HAVE indeed limited my time on Facebook, which I find myself prideful of (eg. now, I'm not using Facebook at all!) Same goes for MSN. Not off completely, but only online occasionally. (:

I want to get something to eat, but I don't want to eat at midnight. Midnight carbs = winter fat body. Also, I already brushed my teeth.

---
Going to rant because I feel like it.

I seriously don't understand why people can mispell people's names... Wait for it... Wait for it...

ON FACEBOOK. Seriously guys! The person's name who you're addressing is just above to the left of your little comment boxes. It's something called common sense, by which even I can talk, despite my lack thereof.

---
Remember the 'word of the day'? Soo last year, huh? Well. Chagrin is today's word.

Today was Muck up day, and despite our lack of participation in the senior's activities (it was as if we were in prison. No one could go in to our classrooms, and no one could leave), especially the little action in the art room, I can still smell the remains of eggy fart bomb.
Oh, they egged the school like crazy.
They broke a window because of this 'lock-down', and vandalised every sign they could lay their paint on.
And police came.
Some dude decided it was smart to egg the security guard.

It was pretty good, only we were locked in like little fishes in a tank. We had no hope of leaving our classroom thanks to our PMS-like teacher. -.-

Although I'm disappointed with the costumes. Under-average much?

---
I refuse myself aping you any longer.

No matter how I use the word 'ape', it just doesn't sound smart. It's meant to mean imitate -.-

LOL, Sarah.
I'm still hungry.

Cielo.

Heaven was the Garden of Eden.

Heaven was the untouched forests; the tall trees that have not been choked by pollution.

Heaven was the everclear oceans; the waters left no room for critters to become extinct.

Heaven was the clouds aloft in the sky; unfogged by black and gold poison.

Heaven was the horizons; only majestic mountains dared to reach heaven.

Heaven was man and nature living in harmony; we have caused the cracks in the ground to become grand crevasses in the deepest of valleys.

Heaven is earth without sin.

LOL, Sarah.

Silver Rain Fell.

I am utterly scattered.

---
He just walked onwards, without even a single glance back. How she cried in agony as she was left on the sidewalk, battered, bruised, and torn.

I muttered incoherently, words that I didn't even understand myself. The rain pelted down, hard on my vitiated body, refreshing the pain of my bruises... but these abrasions did not even grasp my notice.

He had ripped out her only heart, along with all sense of logic and reasoning. She lost herself when she lost him.

I felt my heart cave in- no, the remnance of the walls that I'd put up to protect it- began to cave in to the void where my heart once was. Suddenly I could no longer hear the plummeting of rain that had once ago pierced my ears so heavily, nor could I feel the sting of hail as it sliced at my skin. I felt my chest burning, the fire consuming the entirety of every organ within my ribcage. I pulled myself tighter, tighter, and I could feel my ribcage cracking under the pressure, but against this internal fire, it was nothing.

I drew my knees towards my chin, tightening my grip around my legs. I lay there, petrified, unable to move as the rain washed the tears from my eyes.

---
Who knows how long I was lying there before you found me.

I was frozen. My muscles refused to even twitch, even as your warm arms wrapped around me and you pulled me close to your chest. I felt your hastened heart; urgency resonated through its beats as you dashed through the storm. Comparing my own breath to your heartbeat, I realised how short of breath I was; my lungs seemed to be filled with ice, and I could not breathe. I quivered in your arms, and you only held me tighter as you quickened your step, and finally lay me by the fireplace.

I shuddered uncontrollably as I thawed against the fire. I could not move my body at all, but as I began to recover my breath, I suddenly felt the consquences of pressuring my ribcage. Each time I inhaled, a sharp pain was shot at my lungs, and I almost whimpered in agony.

Your voice soothed me, trying to calm me down as you combed through my saturated hair. You tried to quiet me as I cringed, trying to sound out a sensical sentence.

"I'm numb, daddy. I'm numb and I'm empty." I whispered so softly, so painfully.

"I'm still here. I'll always be here..."

But he isn't, and neither is anyone else...

---
How dare you take your friends for granted. Shame.

My perspective has been mangled. I cannot see clearly.

Read this, and criticise me, but you're the one who doesn't realise that relationships are more than just boyfriends and girlfriends, but were friends too.

LOL, Sarah.
I pray that this will be that last most negatively emotive blog I will write. If only I could promise it.

Pocket Memories.

Soon this box will be littered with my favourite things to draw, and my innermost thoughts which encapsulate each day's worth of emotions will be scrawled into a single, poignant sentence atop the curves and bumps of the cardboard.

This is the box of the Wicked mug I've been raving on about. Sure, it seems empty enough... but wait til the end of the year.

Sure, it won't be colourful, but it will be eventful.

---
Pass the Mic ~ Don't be afraid to give other people a chance every once in a while.
Reach Out ~ Everyone is equal; be the one to prove it.
Speak Up ~ Your opinion DOES matter.
Take the Initiative ~ Stand up for what you believe is right. No one else is going to do it for you.
Be Thankful ~ Remind yourself of your blessings, because when you realise how much care and love has been poured into your life, it might be too late to be grateful.
Enjoy Life ~ Make mistakes. Have no regrets. Take the most out of it.
Be Yourself ~ Uniqueness is a gift, not an obligation.
Don't Judge ~ It's not about what you think. It's about what they feel.
Respect ~ It isn't something that's bought or demanded, its something that's earned.
Love Love ~ The word "love" has become overused, overlooked, misinterpreted, misused, disregarded and underestimated. Don't be another one that does the same.

Written almost 2 years ago, I believe.

---
I'm sorry that I've been lacking in worthy content ): I don't know why, but I can't collect any thoughts that I could possibly pull into prose.. not even an account :|

LOL, Sarah.
And this is all just a battle... yes, while it's just a battle, it will never end, as long as it's all in my head.

Dazzler.

Some things are better left unsaid...

Because what is seen is so much louder than what is heard.

LOL, Sarah.

Lackadaisical.

I'm abstracted, besieged, confounded, deluged, enervated... I could go on... go on, look them up.

---
The dusty rays beamed through the dirty glass pane, landing softly on the metallic packet, which glinted sharply in a brilliant white, mirroring the awe of the sun against the unkempt beams framing the door. Bubbles of plastic protruded from the flat panel of silver branded with words, and from within each bubble sat a single pill; untouched, chaste, unbroken and secure.

They certainly weren't familiar to me, but I knew what they were. They were as a bed to the restless, food to the hungry, and an umbrella to those drenched by the rain. They were cold-and-flu relief tablets, alleviation to anyone inflicted with the affects of spring.

In my healthy status, I understood them as very much the same thing, however...

Why wasn't I relieved when I saw the tablets, that they would fight for me in sickness? But instead, I am disheartened, and suddenly burdened with grief as thoughts of you flood back into my memories, where I had taken these same pills on the same night I not only was physically afflicted by influenza, but also ailed with wretched, torturous apparitions of the reality I thought would never come to pass.

And now that it's past, all I can say is I miss you.

- Once again, an expansion of a sentence written on the box of my Wicked mug earlier today.. or yesterday.
---
This whole week, I've been asking God 'how can anyone - least of all You - expect me to be able to worship You? To lead myself, let alone other people?' ... My heart has been tormented by discouraging and humiliating thoughts, and all I can hear God reminding me is this:

'I have nothing to be proud about, because I am weak, and I am worn out. But by God's grace, His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and when I fall short, His grace is sufficient for what I need'.

And what is so dangerous is that in our treks to creating perfection, our pride is seeps in, so that if we fall short, we have no one to blame but ourselves. We punish ourselves so inhumanly for what else, but for being... humans, who have always fallen short, but we expect to be able to do anything.

"With human beings this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26.

And I'm struggling with this, I will admit to that. I fall short, but only by the grace of God, and for the greater glory of God, whose strength is made perfect in my weakness, that I can get back up again.

LOL, Sarah.
This is my only online source for a while.

Flooded Detriment.

Everyday, the same thoughts regroup from my dormant, unconscious being and sweep through my idle mind. They mix themselves, challenging thoughts among struggling thoughts, conflicting against my desire to let peace's supremacy overrule. Like terrible waves smashing against a concrete wall, unable to get through, but if accumulated enough, a flood pours over, and my barrier is rendered as useless.

The heavy waters saturate the landscape, drowning the budding thoughts of peace scattered across my mind. I am drenched by thoughts so harsh and so weariful...

They rebuke me, trying to teach me, trying to deter me and influence me to their deceitful ways.

But I don't want to learn their lesson, because their lesson is hell.

- Expansion of a sentence written on the box of my Wicked mug a few weeks ago.
---
You know, I reckon watching movies at home are the most deviating experiences ever. Say, I watched Die Hard 4 the other day (love that movie), and I was warped right into it, even though I've seen it like 5 times hehe.

But anyway, it ended, and I decided to turn back to normal television. It's the weirdest thing to experience, because as soon as I switched to television and all these advertisements came up, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the experience of reality. It's just so.. overwhelming? Haha, it's just something I'll never get used to.

Love getting into the moment of movies (:


LOL, Sarah.
If times ever get awkward, don't forget to hold up your awkward balloon!

Savannah.

Relient K.

I hope to be there by the morning
and see this pining all transforming
into the arms of the Georgia sun
Savannah
I'd love to feel the heat the sunrise
Brushing rays across my windshield as if one dries
the streams from off my face

Yet I know you'll be there cause you'll know I'll want you to be there
And we'll say hello as you're smiling in love
And we'll sigh so relieved I believe because we will both know by
tonight we'll feel normal again
But until then
Until then
Until then

Savannah
Our backs supported by a hammock
we sum up perfection like a handbook
and God knows it all too well
Savannah
We'll take a walk to find a gift shop
Who would've thought the book that you bought
would never come off the shelf

Baby
I spent my life wondering
Wondering when I'd find you
I searched for all these years and now you're right here
I need you to know that
Everything makes sense when you're with me

Savannah
Walk out into the sultry evening
Cotton breathing when the sea winds
brush the hair down around your neck
Savannah
You hold my hand like it's the first time
and all the feelings that our hearts find
will be just what we expect

Baby
It's all I can do to
thank you
cause every time you wrapped those arms around me
i felt I was home cause
everything made sense when you were with me.

---
I still love their lyrical content, despite my half-unrelatability towards it (: And I am also aware that I did make that up, haha.

If I could write lyrics that painted a picture of the sun's rays stretched across the array of spotless blue, not a billow in sight, and where the trees would in their swayed momentum be stilled... I would be content.

LOL, Sarah.
I'm happy and I'm not bothered by anything, but I just feel so drained by everything nowadays...

Breath-Taker.

Friday morning - woke up at 5:30AM to go to the city. Pretty tiring. What's really awesome about my family is that the one time that I actually try to go to sleep early (2200 hrs is really early man!), what am I to find but my mother and my older brother sitting on MY bed, talking... and as soon as I'd entered, gestured me to go.

So what did I do? Well, I just sat on the couch in the living room - no, I was lying down, playing guitar and singing to myself. In hopes to calm me down, that is. I just don't understand from any rational that my older brother and my mum would use MY room instead of the living room.. talk about thinking about the family geez :p

Funny thing though, just before that, I was pondering the events of tomorrow, and I'd realised that I'd left my blazer in my locker that day. I needed it to look professional when I was going to a Melbourne Prayer Breakfast invited EXCLUSIVELY by the principal through Father David. Smart, huh? Thankfully, my older brother arrived home at that point, and I, in a frenzied panic, asked him to drive me to a friend's to borrow his blazer.

There's distinct differences between men's blazers and women's blazer. 1) the buttons are on the right side, 2) his one only had 2 buttons S: and 3) [although I don't think this one counts for as much] IT WAS RIDICULOUSLY BIG! I felt like I was playing dress up back when I was four. Of course, this is just an expression, because I don't actually remember playing dress up.. at all. Oh well, it's just one of those things I was always deprived of when I was younger (:

Anyway, hopped into the car, and saw stream of yellow burst from the horizon. I got so excited at this, thinking 'I'm going to see the sun rise!' And I was all whoopeekayay... But I didn't end up seeing it, because the stupid city skyscrapers got in the way, and we neared our destination.

We ended up being early, God given there was no traffic, and so we sat in the car for about five minutes. Me, thinking it wouldn't be too far to look for, decided to stay in the car longer, but my brother drove me out, and so we went off to our designated area.

It took us so long to get there. We just kept walking, and walking, and walking! 5 minutes is a LONG walk when you don't know where you're going and it's 6:40 in the morning -.-

So we met up with our other brekky buddies, and eventually everyone turned up and we were seated. The place was especially posh - I overheard that they had the Brownlow's here once or a few times? And also, Kevin Rudd was also invited to the breakfast as well... I felt so humbled and so out of place with my oversized blazer and my dorky uniform... but I guess we all got over it after we took our blazers off.

The principal didn't even show up... so there we were hoping that he'd paid for our breakfasts already! They served so much! Just munchies at the start - muffins, pastries, and fruit. Then came the real deal. Egg benedict: poached eggs on english muffins and bacon and topped with hollandaise (two slices of the english muffin), two sausages, two hash browns, and a pack of mushrooms. This was outrageous, and I could only eat half (I ate one of each, you know, for variety ^^) And I was tempted to ask for a take-away box, but I didn't want to seem more cheap than I looked already haha.

In the midst of our breakfast, I swear, they would not stop praying! I guess they appropriately named it the Melbourne Prayer Breakfast, huh? Four people just lined up, and one after another, read out pre-written prayers with but 10 seconds break - a friend was funny, as soon as one prayer finished, he cut up a bit of sausage as quickly as he could muster, and shoved it in his mouth just as the next prayer started. Another time, I hadn't realised that people had stopped eating, and were actually praying (again.. haha) as I was putting a mushroom in my mouth... I slowly stopped chewing, but I didn't want to make a noise by putting down my cutlery, so I was awkwardly holding my knife and fork for the remainder of the prayer (awkward much?)

All in all though, it was pretty amazing. Ben Price - comedian/impersonater was a pretty grand MC, very interesting, and the morning ran smoothly. They had technical difficulties! Haha!

And last but not least, I really have to mention Ken Duncan. He's an awesome photographer... and so humble too. His testimony was great, and he was so friendly as well. Got his autograph and his book 'Where Jesus Walked'. It's pretty amazing.

This is probably the quickest I've written a lengthy blog. Only 30 mins!

(:

And yeah, I am writing this on a Saturday night, and you would have never known.


LOL, Sarah
It's pretty obvious that I may or may not be delirious whilst writing this - so messy and informal! Gah!

Thicker.

Dear Blood,

Before you turn a cold shoulder and let a tear escape from your weary eyes, think not on the emptiness within your closed eyelids.

Don't be ignorant, and don't take us for granted.
Don't think that your family has alienated you; where are you most of the time?
Don't think that your leaders have forgotten about you; who else is still praying, even after all this time, for you?
Don't think that your friends have deserted you; who else are you talking to every day?
Don't think that you're not loved.

Look around you.

You have a family who is willing to lay down all that they do, just to see you rise again.
You have a leader- no, many, who would earnestly and diligently pray over you, just so you would realise that they would support you to the very end.
You have friends, and they aren't being ghostly towards you, but you've shut your eyes from them as well.
And you have Him. God, all you need IS Him. He was willing to lay down His life for you, just to show you that He loves you.

Don't tell me you don't have enough. Love is all around. So just look at what you're surrounded by.

LOL, Sarah.
Yeah, it's exclusive, but it could be about you.

Tranquil & Temperate.

I can finally sleep through the storm.

The weather today reminded me of the affects that recent events have had on me: physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

Now I know why Jesus could sleep through the storm. (:

---
The rays of the sun stretched across the sky this morning, each of its rays descended upon every small gap, and seeped through the cloud's lazy haze. Its warmth ticked at my bare skin, sending me a quiver of warmth throughout my body.

Finally, a cheery, warm day, I thought to myself.

The clouds seemed to bountifully overlap each other as I gazed at the blue glass dome that seemed to bind me with gravity; they hovered above me in such majesty yet lofty demeanor, suppressing the azure canvas that stretched across the borders of the earth. Such an amazing culmination of the most lofty of clouds together with dark, malevolent clouds with a hint of foreshadow had me at a standstill, and I marvelled at the beauty of the simple shades of grey, tinted with brilliant yellows and pieces of blue from far behind the pillowy forms.

It is worthwhile for a few pictures, I smiled to myself.

I drummed my fingers on the table, in sync with nature as heavy rains pelted on the school roofs; it increased in volume and density, and steadily dropped. Softer, louder, softer, and louder. My teacher battled for the attention of her students, her voice almost straining as she struggled to overcome the volume of the sky's jewels... It was no longer just water that she fought against now. Along with the thick drizzle of much needed water, the skies sifted through small, white rocks that sounded like a shower of bullets on the patio. For a moment, my concentration completely deterred, and the drone of my teacher faded into the patterns of the dancing drops. I closed my eyes and listened to the rhythm of the rain and hail.

Like music to my ears, it is revitalising for us all, I sighed to myself.

The sun peaked out from behind the sheets of grey, but the clouds kept it from being completely exposed. Billows rolled to and fro, surrounding the tiny infiltration of light, where its glory was just beyond the earth's grasp. I was hopeful for the earth to once again to saturate the heat of the sun, but soon enough, the greater light of the day was shrouded by a permeation of smouldering greys across the sky. Despite the haze, splotches of a brilliant blue lined against the heavy clouds.

There's always, a silver lining, I mused to myself.

And so the sun and the clouds battled for authority over the skies, where clouds trapped away the warmth the earth so desired (well, it IS spring), whilst the sun glamoured through and soaked up the tears of the sky... tears considered precious jewels gone to waste on the concrete driveways and footpaths by which people sloshed their way through to go home. The skies themselves, as neutral as they were, remained a peaceful blue, minding its own business, and simply awaited the quarrel to end. And as the battle above raged on, I couldn't help but laugh to myself.

At least this makes for good photos on my handy camera phone. ♥ (;

---
... and I should stop writing, it's getting late. (:

LOL, Sarah.
And maybe now, I can sleep through the storm too.

In Blooms.

From little things, big things grow.
- Paul Kelly

I ♥ this song (: It's so cute, and yet it holds such a powerful message that has everything to do with faith. Like a seed.

---
I watched as you filled the plastic cup with a small amount of rich, fertilised soil; deep browns speckled with spots of yellows and greens cascaded into the cup from the small packet you held so delicately. Once the cup was filled halfway, you gestured towards my hand. I'd forgotten that I was holding a tiny seed that spread only a centimetre across my hand. I was holding it tight, afraid that I would lose the precious, nutty jewel.

When I realised that you were asking for what I was holding in my hand, I quickly pouted at you and pulled my hand towards my chest. I squeezed at the jewel a little tighter, whilst ensuring I was delicate with it, and covered my closed hand with another for more protection. I suddenly had the urge to run away in fear; fear that you would steal away what you had just given me.

I was treasuring your gift, so why did you want it back? I pondered to myself as I avoided your gaze. Upon eventually finally daring to turn my eyes towards you, my eyes fell in the gaze of yours. Your cool blue eyes showed nothing but kindness and hope towards me, and I couldn't help but feel guilty; you seemed to only reflect genuine care and love for me. The guilt ebbed away at my heart, and I stepped forward in reluctance.

"Trust me," was all you said. I only wished you could say more to explain your insistant actions as you once again gestured towards me to hand over the seed. I pouted again, and, upon deliberating a little further, I began to step forward.

I could not look at you as I placed the seed in your hands; humiliated and guilt-ridden, as soon as the seed left my now bare hand, I plopped myself on a small stool in annoyance. I stared out the window in ignorance; that is, until you proded my shoulder and told me to watch. I glared at the cup in refusal to look at you, and you dug a small hole into the centre of the soil, before burying the seed within.

I gasped at your actions. I was shocked and uncomprehensive at your actions, so I stood up to beg you to stop... but I remembered I was giving you the silent treatment, so I sat back down again and gazed at the window to disguise my hurt. I pulled my legs close to my chest, and rested my chin on my knees, all the while pouting in anger.

As you began to move away and your footsteps fade into the distance, you called out once again, saying, "Trust me", and left me to sit in my lonely stool.

---
You tapped my on the shoulder, and as I turned, I noticed that you were hiding something behind your back. I'd soon forgotten about the grudge that I held a few days ago. I beamed at you cheekily, and began to prod at you to show me what you were hiding. You smiled back at me, playfully resisting my pokes for a while, before reminding me of the events that occured a few days ago. As I was brought back to it, my anger and upset was returned, and my joyous complexion furrowed into annoyance once again. I looked up at you with unpleasant question, and you just smiled. You handed to me a tiny watering can...

... And then handed to me a small plastic cup filled with rich soil, where in the middle a small stalk supported a beautiful blossoming flower.

"It's in your care now".

---
Wow, I'm totally not re-writing this :p Look at the time it was posted.. and at the moment, it is exactly 11:11! (:

Funny, but oh well. School's fun. I'm full of hope again..

LOL, Sarah.

Snap To Reality.

Worn out, wasted, like a bird with broken wings.
Sometimes grace reminds me,
I don't get to be the King.

But love, it washes over,
Love, it pulls me closer.
Love, it changes everything.

So everything is beautiful,
Even when the tears are falling,
I don't need a miracle to believe.
Even in the crashing down,
I can hear redemption calling,
And everything is beautiful to me.

Sweetly, You release me,
from the weight of what I've done.
The trigger trips the hammer,
But the bullets never come.

And love is like a landslide,
Like the wind, spins around me,
pulls me in, at it's unveiling, I begin.

Everything Is Beautiful - Starfield

---

Hello, September. Sorry that I'm a tad delayed. Been in a bit of a puzzle, you see. I will be back, no doubt, but you may have to wait on me once again. Sorry.

LOL, Sarah.

Through The Eyes Of An Observer.

Photography.

I guess for me, what's really special aren't those once-in-a-lifetime shots that are uncomprehendingly spectacular, with angles so perfect and balanced, light and shadow giving such a dazzling range of tone and rendering. It's not those breathtaking shots that millions would travel miles just for one day and stay up all night just to catch a glimpse of it, and yet there would only be a one in a million shots that would define perfection in all its glamour.

I like to think beauty is in every day, in every way, in every place and in every space (I'm on a rhyming role here). To me, it's not the greatest shots of all time, but rather, the everyday things you see, whether it be collection of your favourite things to the 'normal' grey skies we see in spring. Because I believe that each and every cloud formation is unique, and beautiful in its own way.

Who said art had to follow any structure or form to be beautiful? Who said art had to be exclusive? I say art is everywhere; it surrounds you and all it needs to be is taken through a lens. It doesn't matter how great your camera is, because even a phone camera can take shots that a DSLR can't.
Whoever said average isn't beautiful? (:

And maybe I'm being ignorant, because yes, once-in-a-lifetime shots are really only seen once-in-a-lifetime... and praise the Lord for people's God-given talents in capturing His masterpieces. But let's just say for once: Ignorance really is bliss. Because just look at the skies for once. The average, everyday, normal skies that are always with us... how hints and tints of blue seep through billows of darkened fluff, and yet the clouds maintain their heaven-like serenity with the soft blurs of white. They float up there, unhinged and unbound... and the rays of the sun escape their hold to bring warmth to the earth. We soak in the sun's heat, and we treasure the tears of the sky...... And we are relieved by the rainbow of promise that follows after the storm.

So, it's not all about the rarest shots in the world... well, not all the time at least (:

LOL, Sarah.
Average, everyday shots taken by me on my phone camera. (:

Fragrant Essences.

It's my time to share tonight.
Ain't he cute? (:
Jeff Thomas, for all the hermits out there. British comedian, lovely humour, cute as.

Oh, and good sense of style :p.

---
I reckon this is pretty cool. Coldplay's pretty awesome.
- Strawberry Swing

---
So it seems I've run out of things to say,
And yet I keep speaking anyway.
Apparently songs express what our words can't
As emotions can be shown through your dance.

If I rewrote my own lyrics into mere words,
I don't think they would show their worth.
So I think I'll try with heavy remorse,
To give back to you what's already yours.

---
My throat has grown hoarse, and words no longer escape from my lips. My cough is dry and unsatisfying, and my vocal chords fail to reverberate how they usually would.
I feel so empty not singing ): I'm fine with not being able to talk... but not being able to sing? It's as if I have no medium left to express myself.

At the very least, I have this; words that could never possibly be articulated out loud, but the very essence of my thoughts laid out on a plain field for all to only see and enjoy.

And hopefully I'm successful in this.

LOL, Sarah.
Yes, the lyrics are dodgy and original. (: