His Cup Overflows.

You never cease to amaze me.

Once again, I have no choice but to come before you... only to be softly, lovingly rebuked... I was always meant to come before you. In all this turmoil, this struggle, and this perseverance of faith, I have forgotten that you had always meant for us to rest. I sooner began to try on my own - try to stand on my own two feet. How wrong I am. How do I proclaim that I am faithful to you, that I remember your promises... and forget to dwell in your spirit?

Yet, you, like an eagle swooping down to catch its younglings, lift me up to a place of rest again, where I need not try, I need not make an effort to be what I think you want me to be. You call me to rest, to be restored, so that in your spirit, I can be guided along the path you have chosen for me.

Because I was never meant to walk this world alone - alone with my faith, standing on my own two feet. I was always meant to walk with your hand resting on my hip, and your arm tightly around my waist, and the other hand holding mine tightly, so that I would never forget just who you are, what you mean to me, and truly, what I mean to you too.

PTL, Sarah.

I type "you" the way that I do because you aren't supposed to be unreachable. Yes, I proclaim that you are God. But you are also our father, our best friend, our lover, and you have made it possible for us to be so intimate with you, to feel you, to hear you, to see you. I don't do this out of lack of respect, but in fact, in gratitude and gratefulness, because you love us too much to be a distant God. You wrap me in your arms of love, and you call me yours.

In The Valley.

It is much like this; like flowers in a valley.

---
At the mouth of a valley, you know what you are about to face. Deep, dark secrets linger about the musty air, whispering quietly, harshly, against the damp, mossy walls. Just one step in, and the wind arouses- it is excited. A small breeze isn't a breeze at all- you are suddenly cold, and your entire body is on edge. That presence that so comfortingly followed you before, now feels almost absent, and you are left almost utterly alone. The sun that urged you on so warmly, so encouragingly, and so surely, has escaped from the eve of the valley, it is swept away with the wind. There is nothing that would bid you onwards, unless you knew, and absolutely trusted that beyond every valley, a hill resides, and will return you to the crisp air, and the warm embrace of the sun once again.

And you do know this. So onwards, you walk, into the damp, into the unknown. The path is rocky - if it was to say that there is any path at all. Stray roots from under deadened trees seem to want to strangle your footing, and often you stumble, but you do not fall, for you are still strong from the sun's provision. But the darkness drifts towards you, slowly, inevitably, and ebbs away at any remaining light that you so depend on. You squint your eyes. Soon enough, they'll adjust, mind you. They were made cunningly for such moments as this. Your hands are stretched as far as arm's length will allow, and you feel your way through, for as surely as the darkness has settled, your vision has faded. You waver around. Nothing is familiar. You grope, and shuffle about... the wind is like the cold belly of a snake slithering along your shoulders, sending shivers down your spine. You slow down, and stop. You know you cannot turn back. But what can you do when you cannot see beyond this lingering darkness? But your vision is adjusting, slowly, surely, and soon, you see something.

Ahead, a single flower resides. It seems to be illuminated by a tiny stream of light, and though it is clouded and murky from the polluted air that you must breathe, the blossom gleams like stars against the night sky as it stems from a black pit within the crevasse of the valley. It shines. And it reminds you once again, of that hill- that beautiful hill, sprouting in abundance with flora, and streams that run alongside green grass where you may be laid to rest, under the shade of a flourishing tree bearing bright, ripened fruit. That hill is abundance - and it is where you are going once you conquer the dangers, the fears, and the insecurities hidden deep in the heart of the valley.

And so, you can take another step. But be careful! For you must not take the flower with you. The flower cannot sustain you, for as soon as you uproot it from its habitat, surely, it will wither, and die. You perhaps should leave it there, and simply be reminded of the abundance of which the flower originated from. How can something so alive, so full of joy and prosperity, live in such a deathly valley? Surely, if this flower has been conditioned to bear the harshest that this valley has to offer, and yet is still cared for, and brims with such warmth and goodness, surely, you are cared for just as well, if not more, and can journey safely, soundly into the depths of the dark.

Memories of that flower- no, of your destination: that hill - must linger in your mind, but as you wade through the darkness, darkness eats away at all seeming joy. It seems to feed on you - as you resonate with joy, darkness growls, and and magnifies. If you had carried that flower with you, and had drawn your strength from its warmth, surely it has failed you now. Its life has waned, for it is no longer sustained, and can no longer sustain you. You can no longer hope in it, for what precious life it had, nestled within the crevasses and cracks of the valley, you have stolen from.

A feeble flower. You cannot rely on it. But bear in mind the reminders it holds: its life is so sufficiently provided for in the darkest of dark. It is a signature of blessing; a reminder of the place you journeyed from, and venture towards once again. And, just as the little thing gleamed in a tiny shed of light, surely, the sun has not faded. The valley may impair your vision, but it cannot destroy the sun it so desperately tries to hide from you.

And so you continue. But the darkness grows ever darker, and your vision wanes, and your strength fails, and you begin to lose heart. Don't lose heart! Look left! Look right! Find those flowers that are sprouting up among the darkness! Though they do not sustain you, they remind you that this valley cannot destroy even the most delicate of beings, and it will most unequivocally not be able to conjure up the strength to destroy you, for, though the sun may fade, and warmth may be deficit, though your body fails, and provisions are scarce, the one who calls you is faithful, and He will carry you through.

These blossoms; though there are not many, they are sufficient. They are like lamps that guide your path. Even in your darkest hour, a little lamp will shine through, not beyond your vision, and it will light your way.

The valley can no longer overcome you. It never could, for though the darkness seeps in, and steals away our warmth, it is not warmth that we rely on. And these flowers, though their warmth is temporary, and we cannot journey onwards with them in our grasp, they instill in us the hope that we have that cannot be taken away, for surely we will be delivered, just as these flowers spring from the darkest, murkiest habitats known to man, and we will reach the promised land, flowing with milk and honey. Land of abundance.

---
Indeed, it is so much like this. Our blessings, like flowers in our deepest turmoils. And though God's presence may seem distant, we do not lose heart, for as surely as the sun rises, He is faithful to us, and He will never leave us or forsake us.

And though we are blessed, we do not place our hope in these blessings, but on the one who provides them. For where God is, there life is also, like flowers...
Even in the deepest valleys.

PTL, Sarah.

Avant - Garde.

And so this is a very Merry Happy Birthday of exactly 2 years of my baby blog's existence.

So I thus present thee, of whom perhaps may be a many or a little, a long blog (:

*To be read whilst Everthing Is Beautiful - Starfield plays softly, but distinctly, in the background. (:

Today is a new day. Today is a good day. Why shouldn't it be? God has us physically, spiritually and mentally rested, preparing us for new places, new objects, new trials. Today must be good, for He made it, and He makes all things good, working everything together for the good of those who love Him.

Today is not the quarrel yesterday at recess, nor the hurt that followed during the day, nor was it last night's depression. Today, you have been healed. Or, if hurt still, you are undergoing a great recovery. Today is not yesterday's rushed morning, stressful afternoon and exhausted evening. We start anew today. We start having had enough rest. We start with the wakening of the senses to the chilly smell of a winter morning, the clinging of warmth from our blanket as we grasp it gingerly in our fingers. Inside, we have been massaged, relaxed, restored and renewed.

So, if God has done this inside our midst, on us- our souls and within our hearts, in our spirit and in our strength, should we not then be life? And by this, I mean truly alive, alight with brightness and eagerness for the events of today? For we are being renewed every day. Should we revert to old ways if we have been restored? Should we start old if we begin new?

We have been redeemed from yesterday's hold - yesterday's tantrums, hurts, and tribulations cannot cling onto what is today. They are old, and they dare not touch a new thing. When we wake, we do not have to think about old trauma, for it no longer binds us to its situation.

It is a new day! and a good day! We have been prepared for it- restored for it, renewed for it, and redeemed for it. Is this not something that delights our hearts? Do we not believe that our God does all this, and more? Nuggets of blessing throughout the day, fresh laughs, earnest smiles, sincere joy. New hardships to make us pray, reflect, and pray for change, so that in another new day, we are renewed again - and not with old strength, but instead we a moved from His strength to His next strength, where His strength is made perfect in our utmost weaknesses.

Is this not good news? Is there no reason to praise? It's a new day, a new dawn, a new life - for me, for you. And shall we not, then, feel good?

Of course, this is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it, for the Lord has made us in His own image, and He knows that His creation is good. He is glad in us, for He can live in us - and restore, renew and redeem us.

Praise God, who makes all things new - we are new creations! The old has gone! The New has begun!

- Taken directly from my devotionals journal from 22.07.2010
---
It is at these glowing moments where I feel so incredulously joyful.

It's as if I've walked out of my door to find the curtains drawn, and only the sun beams down on me, with the clouds even daring to recede. I close my eyes, and I enjoy the sunshine as he embraces me, stroking my cheeks with his rays of light, and warmly clasping at my hands as he eagerly fills the spaces between my fingers with his own in earnest affection and ardor.

And he leads me towards the front step of the porch; from there, a stone path invites me to step into the new season. Each stone is frilled with little bristles of dewy morning grass, each droplet on each leaflet bouncing bent light onto the stone - so much so that it burst with colour - surely even the stones were proclaiming the promise of this day!

I feel there is spring in my step, and daisies twirl from the traces of my footprints, and butterflies circle from beneath my feet. It's as if they are lifting me off the ground, and I begin to soar as I leap from stone to stone. The butterflies at my feet beat away at the mist so as to reveal the stones, joyfully glistening its true colours in the sun. I kneel on a particularly large stone, and suddenly, I hear music.

The birds, out of nowhere, perch onto a naked branch with but one budding leaf, chirping gleefully as if they all had a reason to sing. Their voices carry me along, dancing around the sun's rays, and encompassing me with impromtu rhythm and rhyme, and smiling as their melodies flow through my ears, and enter every corner of my heart, and I cannot help but to sing along with all that sings around me.

So, from my lips escape a chilly, yet refreshing kiss of wind, and out comes unrehearsed: a harmony that all but exemplifies the great twitter of the birds, the buzzing of excitement and expectation from the wings of a tiny bee as it hopes and expects to find great provisions even from a tiny budding flower, and the lullaby of the sun as it cradles me in its arms, uninterrupted by the soft coos of the winds that playfully tug at my hair.

And how my heart overflows with love and gratitude! How I am blessed to be embraced by the sun itself! And how my surroundings resonate with such beauty, and that I, little I, am able to sing along with the flora and fauna, and together celebrate a brand new opening of a new day.

---
And I really do feel that spring begins in my very next step. I have felt no joy greater than now - I in so much awe that my thinking is even childlike...

I cannot help myself. I must smile all the time. I must smile at every small thing, and I must capture life in its fleeting moments, for I know that everything - every infinitesimal thing - conveys beauty, and captures the essence of a Saviour whose faith is complete.

And I step into a new season, leaving the frosty bites of winter alone. I am embraced by warmth now, and I have everything to be thankful for.

---
And finally, it shall be that until one year from now, I have no intention of committing to any relationship closer than best friendship other than that between my God and I.

PTL, Sarah.
*This is entirely optional, but listen to the song anyway (:

Beautiful Promise.

There's so much we can do with words. We could dress up a naked word, and adorn it with decorations of imagery and twists of metaphors and analogies to appeal to every one of our senses. Our line of thought can be adjusted by what we read, we are positioned to like, hate, or be neutral about a subject. We can enhance, or take away from a subject of beauty, and we can create worlds, images, and dreams far beyond one's own imagination.

We can confuse, and we can confront.
We can entertain, and we can stir sympathy.

But we can't change hearts.

There's so much that we can say about our troubles, tribulations, and trials. There's so much complaining we could do, so much whinging and whining behaviour that can add to the surmounting pressure and stress that they provide with. We can go on forever, lamenting on our troubles, and always be depleted of any glimmer of hope, not even a rainbow of promise could lift our spirit.

We can compromise, and we can despair.
We can lament, and we can be blinded.

But we can see God.

But the one thing that is simple, the one thing that needs no words, is that God is greater. And God's glory will be revealed in us.

All it is really, is God. Not how cunning we are, how skillfully we play with our words, nor how moving we can be. Nor is it how hopeless we are, how punished we feel, and how deeply in a hole of depression we have fallen into.

It's about God. God makes things, and makes things beautiful by His mere word. It is His light, which He made, that streams down to give us hope in Him again. He put that rainbow in the sky; a promise given to us, to remind us that He is God. He is above all things. He is above the storm. His mere words silenced the storm, and He silences our storms, with a promise: that He is faithful, and He will do it. He will change our hearts.

This is flat.
This has no dressing of any kind.
This is God's work.
And these are God's words:

That He really is God, and that He is God above all things.

I really cannot say any more.

PTL, Sarah.

Hybrid Sentiments.

You know what?

I'm alright with being replaced. Because first of all, being a friend of mine is no small feat. It's hard to be my friend. I don't mean that in a cocky, arrogant way; I mean if you make friends with me, it's usually tough to stay friends with me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but it can't be your fault, seeing as so many people in the past have left me before in similar circumstances anyway.

I don't blame you at all. In fact, I want to congratulate you. It's probably a bad idea to have become my friend in the first place. All you'd be in for is a spark, a glimpse of some artificial warmth, for example, which embraces you and comforts you almost immediately; but then after a few moment's use - because it's not manufactured to last - soon enough, it'll explode right in your hands. You'll find no use for it in the long run. All that it'd leave you is with a slight burn on your palms, and a lingering thought ebbing away at your mind saying what a stupid idea it was to ever buy some cheapo "instant-warmth" device.

Don't think that I don't know it. I don't know why it happens, but it happens. It's almost inevitable. But the way you show off your new "insta-warmth" device right in front of me is punishing. There I lie, broken and filled with glitches. and you just dangle it in front of me, still prettied up in its case, and glinting in the light because you polish it. You cherish that device, because it works, of course.

But that never meant that I never tried to work for you. I did, and I still do. Yet you brush off any sign of warmth from me, because it's too much when it's teamed up with another. You only need one, and you haven't bothered to recover what was broken.

I shouldn't complain, because I'm a faulty device anyway. But has anyone tried to fix me after I've blown up in their hands? Has anyone bothered to think that maybe my glitches aren't unrepairable? I'm sorry to suddenly be all needy, but I'm actually trying to make it work. You aren't. Don't be a hypocrite about it.

Complaining about others not making it work for you is just not justifiable if you don't put in either. When I finally want a break, rest my damaged arms from this task, don't burn up against me and say that it's my fault that I'm broken. At least I try.

---
I'm writing this to a lot of people, and I'm sorry that it's one of my angriest blogs that I've ever posted in the 260ish posts already made.

On a lighter note, I learnt something really positive today - because I've been troubled with a lot of thoughts - friends who I wish could be closer, and impulses which, according to my morals, is as wrong as sin. But these temptations are just that: temptations that steer me away from having faith that God's got a brighter plan for me, a future that's so much better than that I could ever dream of. A best friend who will really love me and care for me, and whom I can truly fall in love with and call my husband. It makes this wait worth it... it makes this suffering worth it...

Even when it hurts most.

"What we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later." Romans 8:18 [NLT]

LOL, Sarah.

Keep My Heart Alive.

What I find is that the most seemingly profound and inspirational quotes are simply common sense. The metaphors and similes that complete it add that extra imagery; that extra emotion, that invokes us to think it amazing beyond comprehension - how we think we could never think the same thing... and yet, we unequivocally agree to it as if they were words meant to be breathed from our mouths.

---
I have stumbled, yet I am caught in arms of love. I have deserved punishment, but overwhelmed by grace. I have been hard pressed on every side, but God is pushing me through it.

And I can only insist that strength of character isn't really about our strength at all. For as firmly as we wish to stand upon some foundation, and as much as we try to run towards our goal, we fall short. Our movements are restricted by the weakness of our bodies, and we are inevitably pulled down to the ground time and time again.

If anything, we cannot rely on our own bodies to cope. And we cannot rely on others to wait for us for as long as we are down.

But I am determined, for I know that in all my weakness, in all my pathetic performance, His strength is made perfect. I cannot hold onto anyone, and I cannot hold onto myself. But I can hold onto God, whose grace IS sufficient, and strength is perfect.

We have nothing but intention. But when our intention is set on God's glory, in all knowing that it is HE who makes all things work for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose, our intention suffices.

I have nothing I can attribute to so that I can pick myself up, other than my certainty that God does not want me lying here, tattered and torn in pieces. And I know this one thing: That God, in all His splendour and majesty, walks right by me, guiding me, and leading me, and showing me His way.

And He carries me on his back when I cannot stand any longer.

"It was then that I carried you".

As long as I believe.

LOL, Sarah.
Title by Sanctus Real from the album 'Pieces of a Real Heart'.

We Sing Holy.

"Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see You"

I had an epiphany whilst singing this lyric over and over on stage today. It's probably something everyone knows, but goodness, what a reminder that is direly needed by everyone.

... Because all we really need to do is be willing, and He will do it.

And just knowing that is just... wow.

--
"not all the birds and butterflies will stay on your hands forever... some may fly away and come back, some may never come back. But true companionship and trust stay at the warmth of your hands as long you don't close your hands on them..." - NitNav.

LOL, Sarah.
You mean more to me than you will ever know.

Consiliated Replenishment.

I am so broken.

---
Luke 9:12-17 (NIV)

¹²Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."

¹³He replied, "You give them something to eat."

They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish—unless we go and buy food for all this crowd." ¹⁴(About five thousand men were there.)

But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each." ¹⁵The disciples did so, and everybody sat down. ¹⁶Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people. ¹⁷They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.

---
Just a few points within this passage that resonate to me.

- We fall short in that we think we are unable to do something because of the things we don't have, when in fact, God presents us with the little we have so that only HE can multiply it to address the needs for many.

- Jesus would never force us to do His will, but He calls us. He knows what little we have, and when we fall short and doubt, He's stepping in with the little that we have surrendered to Him.

- God has blessed us upon multitudes, and He breaks us. We need to be decreased so that as bread, He increases in us so we can feed the thousands.

LOL, Sarah.
He replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. Luke 17:6

Ocean's Promises.

She knew it all.

She saw the entire scene as it came. It was played out in her mind, so brilliantly real; almost too real. Patterns raced around one another, darting to and fro across the landscape, and swirls shot from beneath her feet, so quickly, as she dazed up at the clear sky, and watched them reach to touch the blue dome to which they were entrapped. Fields of green surrounded her, stretched across the horizon, and butterflies fluttered from every direction, surrounding sprouting flowers that made the colours of the rainbow. In fact, it mirrored a rainbow, proudly arced across the sky, protruding from a single white cloud. The sun broke through thin slits in the cloud, but it maintained its shape, and the rainbow glimmered serenely in the glassy blue.

This was her dream; her dream of reality, and every night she would wish to return to it, and rest in its peace. This fantasy world to her was her escape from the demands of reality; 15 seconds was all she needed to feel refreshed. It was here that her fire would be rekindled and made bright again, so that she could face a new day, glowing.

But the poor girl, possibly she was greedy this time.

She ignored her needs of being awake, and slipped herself into the realms beyond time again.

The scenery was still beautiful, though the tall, green grass slowly swayed as the distant winds of melancholy passed by. Suddenly the colours dimmed, and shadows chased away the warmth of the sun's rays. Rumbling clouds malevolently replaced the blue sky, engulfing that single fluffy white cloud, pathetic and useless in comparison to the eminent clouds. A sea of black swallowed completely the oceans of heaven, overcasting a horrific darkness that she simply could not comprehend.

All that she had in her dreams was a rainbow, but the flowers were now shrivelled up, hiding under the dying grass, their petals wilting in their struggle to stand for even one more second. The rainbow that so majesticly stretched across the sky was shrouded in black, its colours dissolved in its neverending depth.

Her rainbow of promise was gone, and all that filled her eyes were the thickest black fogs, blurred by her dampened eyes.

She knew it was selfish to pursue, but what else could she do?

---
I was a chain reaction, and dominoes would fall from the very first... never mind how many I would try to take out, I ended up placing more at the firing end.

You aren't meant to be in my pile of dominoes. You should stay away, for all that reeks from me is a violent path of destruction. You don't deserve what I give you.

---
Now, where the hell did this tap come from, and just where is it getting its abundance in salty water?

---
I don't know how to be what comes so naturally to everyone else. Why do I so selfishly seek such depths of the ocean? Why am I willing to risk my life at the dangers of the waves above, and the ever shifting sand beneath my feet?

Why are the waters that I always pass so shallow?

And why does my lake feel so untouched? So mysterious and unexplored... and I don't know how to clarify it.

So, so, so, so so so selfish.

---
I'm sorry.
This is a song that only caged birds know.

Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11.
You are always in control.

LOL, Sarah.

Nonsensical Utters.

We can duet now!

Our love traps and suckles at the life of their hearts; caving in, hollow.
His love redeems and gives life to the broken; healing, overflow.

---
I exquisitely held you in contrast to my emotions, that what I felt, I felt was unimportant, but you, on the contrary were still an everflowing stream of water that glistens under the sun; you could never be seized. The glass vase that I would attempt to hold you in could not bottle you up; instead, it would burst into a million shards, and you would overflow, stronger and more beautiful than ever.

Although perhaps this wasn't the worst thing, my vase had been overwhelmed by your entire being, and it had no affect whatsoever. I was still there, and so were you, only I was in a million pieces and you were flowing in every direction, covering every surface you so much as touched.

And I'd come to the conclusion that what I thought was so significant, so important and so intriguing to me, is in fact no longer, for I no longer see through my vase, but from every shard of perspective possible. This therefore brought me towards an unshakable belief that nothing mattered anymore.. nothing of this mattered.

---
Yeah, it's all just nonsensical stuff now. I love that word.. nonsensical. I love that it's a word, and that out of my lack of vocabulary, I decided to make it up whilst I was in a sac, hoping it'd be an approved dictionary word.

AND GUESSS WHAT! IT IS! WOO.

Orange ukulele is so fun (:
Dress is so pretty (:

---
'YOU ARE GOOD! ALL THE TIME!
ALL THE TIME! YOU ARE GOOD!'

It ain't about what you're doing, it's about who you're praising (:

LOL, Sarah.

Psalm Of Praise.

Your God, my God, He's God.

God, I praise You. I praise You for who You are, for what You have done, what You are doing, and for what is to come.

I praise You in the mountains, for from their majesty and strength comes streams of the water of life.
I praise You in the valley, for their landscapes are adorned with vibrance, life, growth and an abundance in fruits of the Spirit.
I praise You in the fire, for there I am refined.
I praise You in the storm, for Your rays of light reveal a rainbow of promise.

---
A promise that You spoke "For I know the plans I have for you. plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)", and so "we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)". I praise you, of God, for "Forever, O LORD, Your word is settled in heaven (Psalm 119:89)". I praise You for Your ETERNAL word. I praise You for You are not fazed by my circumstances, my journey, for my future is secure in Your hands.

I praise You for Your Son. I praise You for You chose none, but Jesus, to be crucified, to bear all our sins and all our griefs and all our burdens, and to tear down every wall, the walls that the devil places that stop us from getting to You, by His sacrifice. I praise You that when He said, "It is finished (Jon 19:30)", Sin IS finished! I praise You that the walls of Jericho will fall when we declare that "Neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-40)" And I praise You that we life in Your grace and unconditional love.

I praise You, God, You who is"able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine, according to [Your] power that is at work within us (Ephesians 3:20)".

A paraphrase of something I wrote at 1AM this morning.

~~~
Is it really okay to you for me to be human?
Judge not, and you will not be judged in the end of days.

Happy 21st birthday, Jonathan Tran. I love you.

LOL, Sarah.

Grace Visioned.

You humble me.

I've come to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn't throw it away after all; maybe, despite all my hardship and burden that has come upon me, there is a purpose for it. Maybe God is throwing my words back at me as I shout, declare, that "God works for the good in everything for all those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)". Oh Sarah, ye of little faith, despite my suffering and the severe burden I've been constantly reminded of, time and time again, God throws me back into place, and tells me to just push through it; heck, He's telling me to be a man about it, because His plans for me are divine and beautiful, "plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans for a hope and future" (I keep forgetting where its quoted from.. lol)

And I'm thankful that today, through everything, despite my rush to get ready and thus only having time for a short reflection without a real Bible reading this morning, I thank God that even when I don't think of Him, He "will never leave me, nor forsake me (Joshua 1:5)".

I'm also thankful that I am not held down by anything, that when Jesus said, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36)", that my entrapments, my cages, my shackles, my barriers, and all the highest walls that I have created to confine myself are broken down, and I have been delivered, just as "the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands (Joshua 6:2a)" and "by faith the walls of Jericho fell (Hebrews 11:30)".

Which, in conclusion, means, I was wrong about our friendship, I forgot to pray for my Methods exam (I prayed for lunch though :), and my reasonable response is simply to worship.

Amos 5:21-24

²¹ "I hate, I despise your religious feasts;
I cannot stand your assemblies.

²² Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings,
I will have no regard for them.

²³ Away with the noise of your songs!
I will not listen to the music of your harps.

²⁴ But let justice roll on like a river,
righteousness like a never-failing stream!

And Isaiah 58!

Please look these passages up, and feed your imaginations.


"The logic is simple, but we cut it to disproportionate ends"

LOL, Sarah.

Dawning Redemption.

If there is one thing that I need to be reminded of, it would be that change is undoubtedly inevitably slow. These symptoms aren't leaving me anytime soon, and it's been going at a painfully slow pace. I still don't have control over this.

It's so easy to know that something isn't right. After even just a day without spending a good amount of time with You, I've already begun to feel mildly incomplete. How could I say that? I have never truly lost anything of worth, nor have I had things I love taken away from me. I'm spoiled and no one's done anything about it. Yet still, my wires are already beginning to short circuit and my humane happiness is disintegrating. It's as if everything goes down like this: As I slowly drift from You, I slowly lose my joy. It's painful to endure, being unable to see myself change and move forward an inch... but isn't it great to know how much You are affecting me now? When I talk about being incomplete, I'm only incomplete when I lack You.

It's taken its time, and it's been slow, but surely You are changing me. And now, I'm needing you more than ever. You finally are beginning to mean so much more to me than just a God that everyone else praises.

- Written in the morning, before devotions.
---

Today was beautiful...

... The early morning fog, embracing the suburb streets and hiding every house beyond 20 metres. The hills, once so proud and majestic, retreat into the thick fog; not even a silhouette seen. The vast landscape, barely visible, attempting to conceal the life and activity within the warm houses...

... Faintly scattered across the array of so evenly spread rooftops stand age old trees. These very few prevail in their splendour, as they break the suburbian scrapers with their prevailing branches...

I saw this one tree which amazed me. It stood so outstandingly tall. Its branches were those of palms, where layers upon layers of withered, dead leaves were built from the base of the trunk to the tip of the tree, where it blossomed such a vibrant green.

Truly, it was amazing to me how this tree still stood so high against its surroundings, and its branches of its past life only emphasise the beauty of its present being. Isn't it beautiful, how we can be so much the same?

LOL, Sarah.

Pointless Pondering.

It always feels like it's been the longest time since I've written, spoken, communicated with you. Somehow I feel like you're missing out on some of the most vital scenes and episodes of my world, through the likes of my thought process and habitual actions. It's scary to think that I might be losing you; it's as if we're losing touch, but I hold firm to the belief that we're not. We're secure in each other, and as long as we're following through with each other, we'll stick closer than a concrete foundation set on solid rock.

What exactly is concrete anyway? Does it have rock material in it?

Hey. This is a casual entry, where I share with you things I ponder, things I feel are important to me, things I find interesting. You could also catch a glimpse of how my mind works, and what it generally processes first. Yay, you get to see how retarded I am! Haha.

The earth was shaking in the dark
All creation felt the Father's broken heart
Tears were filling Heaven's eyes
The day that True Love died.

But it doesn't end there...

Coz Jesus is alive.

- True Love; Phil Wickham

I loved that part right there. It's like a righteous proclamation and a shout of praise. There's one other song which I think the lyrics just mirror what I feel and believe at this present.

The Cross before me, the world behind me.

- I Have Decided To Follow The Cross; Phil Wickham

Ah! It's just so good. Because it reflects conquering the past, its failures, its victories, its memories. It reminds me of a previous blog, "Dear life, love", conquering our past, conquering our fear... conquering death in Christ. "Behold, for I make all things new", because God doesn't just reuse our past as a reminder, but He renews our hearts and mind with fresh perspectives that the past is in the past, and it can no longer hold us down.

It's also an encouragement that "The best is STILL yet to come". I've had such an awesome vibe for a while now about this year, about all the promises that have yet to come to pass being fulfilled, and filled with abundance :) Amen huh! And it's so good, because I know that other people have been getting similar vibes as well. How good is our God, that when we allow Him to speak to us, He just gives us revelation, and He gives promises and blessing overflow! Yayyyyyyyy!

Hehe, I'm tired.

LOL, Sarah.

PS. Tinjee is fairly awesome; more awesome than Sarah (I was forced to write this).

Child's Play.

I watched him as he paced across the stage relentlessly, up and down repetitively until I was almost dizzy out of my mind. He was talking, yet somehow smiling. It wasn't something I understood when someone smiled and laughed about something that was killing them. I continued to watch him, and I was frozen in shock as I'd realised he was crying.

And there he was, his heart spilled out for everyone to see. He was so vulnerable, like a small child who cried in desperation for his father in the midst of a dense crowd pushing him to the floor, and almost trampling over him countless times.

Suddenly, he wasn't who I thought he was anymore. And it made me feel weak, and ashamed to even be so arrogant enough to think that I knew his circumstances. It turned out I knew nothing about him.

I felt my heart tug at my body to lean over him, just so much as to embrace him, and tell him that everything's okay. I wanted to comfort him in some way, and take his burden away from him. But it was impossible. I could only be lying if I'd even tried to promise that things would get better. In no way could I be able to comfort him of the future, when I was so unsure of the future myself.

But still, he smiled. He kept on smiling, and I knew, that there was a reason behind that smile. I was silly again to even think that I'd be able to comfort him, for who else but God could? I nodded my head in praise and thanksgiving.
---

Paraphrased exerpt of a journal entry, 04/12/08, below.
---

Maturity has revealed a child in me. A child with no worries, because all problems have the same Solution. I have learnt to be happy, and use what I have. I have been revealed the joy of having a Father, a best Friend, a Brother, and a Lover, and having everything I need. I have comfort in knowing that I have Someone who I can lean on and who can carry me when I am weak, yet that same Someone I know will push me when I get lazy and don't want to walk again. I am but a child, and that is what God made me; eager to learn, yet content and always counting blessings. Depending on the One source I know best, and pushing to make my Daddy proud.

And again, I rejoice in this wonderful new relationship I have in God, for Jesus Christ has made us friends of God. (Romans 5:11)

---

LOL, Sarah.

PS. God, why do you let me develop ideas so late at night? I do need the sleep.. and I can't sleep with ideas in my head... ><".

Lala Love.

I squeezed my stinging eyes shut, before turning again to the luminating light in front of me. I contemplated for a while what to write; I hadn't figured it out beforehand. Strumming on the keys of the laptop, I confided in the previous hours of my day, gazing through the screen, replaying scenes of what I could remember. Perhaps I could write something about that.

... Nah, that'd be too boring. I shuffled through other memories and past times, but nothing seemed outstanding enough to be able to expand, explain, and exaggerate.

---

There's a change. Seize the opportunities, and make the most of now. Today will be yesterday as soon as tomorrow comes around the corner.

LOL, Sarah.

Shalala.

Declare the promises; Open the doors of opportunity; And out of the floodgates of heaven will pour out saving grace.

You gotta know it to believe in it; you gotta believe in it to declare it; you gotta be certain to be faithful.

:)

It was cowardness that made me push you away. I was so afraid because you were so much better than me.

Short Blog.

I have nothing much to say tonight. Encouragement and Passion is all that we lack.

If everyone would do what they could do, then a lot more would get done.

LOL, Sarah.

An Offer; Self-Worth.

I have nothing more than what You offer me.

A thought occured to me as this song played. God offers me shelter, a place of warmth; He offers me food, satisfying me; He offers me a bed; to comfort me. God offers me a family, so close to unconditional love and care; He offers me friends, to support me; He offers me His Son, His sacrifice, He offers me Himself. In Himself, He offers love, care, faithfulness, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, self-control. And He offers freedom.

And I can throw all this away, because this is all just an offer. But in the end, what else do I have?

"The one who calls you is faithful, and HE will do it". - 1 Thessalonians 5:24.

What can we give, but what He has given unto us?

I offer devotion.

*Starfield - Unashamed
*In Your Freedom - Hillsong

---


"Ah, another poor, lost soul in seach for her self worth!" The host gazed at me, grinning as he boomed loudly across the stage. "Step right up here, just here, right here on this dot." He was surprisingly coordinated as he manoeveured me between the tables, guiding me to his desired destination. I was dumbfounded as he pushed me along; I could not work out my purpose for being here. Surely I knew where my self-worth was already. His beady eyes bore into mine as my tried to read them. I failed epically.

"There are so very many ways of developing your self-worth! In fact, so many, you'd be completely unique still, no matter what you choose! I'm your host for today, giving you options that will last you a lifetime! Or, alternatively, however long you want! That's how good this show is; we let you choose just how much you need or want, and BAM! You get it right away! Haha!"

I was still confused of whatever he was talking about, when he scooted over to a panel which held 4 boards that faced down. With a swish of his right hand the boards were flipped over.

"My dear, here are your 4 options of self-worth. I may be contradicting myself when I say that there are 4, but I'm not! For most certainly these are what match up to your current desire, mood, AND thoughts! With many careful calculations, these are what fits your criteria most to suit your very needs! Haha! How very smart, isn't it? Of course, there are alternative choices, if you would like more, haha!"

His grin was wide, as I stared at the 4 boards. They all seemed obsurd to me...

"I shall introduce you to your first option! POPULARITY!"

A sudden round of applause sounded from nowhere.

"This direction to self-worth is easy, and you can be yourself! All you need to do is be in with what's in, and completely disagree with what's not! You're gonna have to choose your friends though, because you'll be making a lot of enemies! But it's all worth it, because it's your self-worth that you're building up! Being popular meets your demands of security, dependence, and the feeling of love and adoration by all who are close by you! A very passionate option indeed! Haha, how exciting it is to be POPULAR! You can become just like me!"

His laugh began to irritate me by now, but his words struck deep into my heart. But he refused to give me time to work things out, interrupting my thoughts completely with my second option.

"And now for your next choice: LOVE!"

A chorus of "Oohs" came from some audience which I now realised was behind me.

"Ah, love, isn't it such a beautiful thing? Easily satisfying, for any who may feel a little bit left out!" He gave a wink to the invisible audience behind me. "Develop your self-worth with a partner and he will give you the LOVE you deserve! He will wipe away all loneliness, all insecurity, and all those little thoughts in your head that you just dreamed that was real! Haha! A loving partner is just what you need to satisfy your human desires! And your self-worth will never be so low again! It's getting hot and steamy in here now, isn't it! Haha!"

The crowd laughed with him, as I scrutinized the choices so far presented to me. There was most definately something strange here, but I could not pinpoint it, for my thoughts were abruptly deterred by his voice again.

"Here is a choice that will blow your mind! TALENT!"

The audience sighed at the word, but I'd had enough. My mind was blown already with the choices so far put in front of me; I could not handle anything else.

"Excuse me... excuse me? Sir? Mr. Host?" I croaked with my almost non-existant voice. He didn't seem to hear me, but I persisted anyway.

"These options are so tempting for me; they are almost irresistable, but I will have to refuse them all. For I have already have my self-worth. And I find that in God. Sure, I may be hindered, tempted, led astray, but my foundation in Him is strong, but His cross has placed in me my worth to Him, for He loves me."

And I walked away; all eyes were on me, and the host's mouth hung wide opened as he stared after me. I was torn, but I know I'd made the right choice.

---

Finally a non-dream. I hope it's okay to read through, and I hope it makes you think. And yeah, same to the one before this.

LOL, Sarah.

Mindful Exerpts.

HI PEOPLE.

I should stop with the inconsistent blogging... but I can't help it! Because all my ideas for blogging are from when I'm in the car, at church, at school, etc... basically whenever I think. Obviously, at home I don't think at all. I'm too distracted. By the time I get home, I completely forget about my ideas, or I can't be bothered typing my thoughts (at the moment, really, there are no thoughts... this is a nice song though :).

Duh.. mental blank. ANYWAY yeah, you'd be thinking, Sarah, just write your ideas down.

... Yeah okay, valid argument, but I do have a point to point out (bleh, bad english). WELL. To be honest, I can't be bothered writing it out. Yes, I probably do have a pen and paper near me, since I almost always get ideas in the car, but have you ever tried writing in a car? It's hard. And messy. I don't like messy. Also, my ideas are quite lengthy. For example, I was going to write out something like this:

.. I completely blanked out, so I'm gonna write something completely random and irrelevant to what I've been saying. I must say that a lot of my ideas are like exerpts of short stories. Short stories of my life. Like episodes.. no, shots. Really short, but really meaningful :). That's why I like writing better. :)

I'm getting soo distracted by msn.. hahaha so before the exerpt I'll show you this really funny thing with Betty from Perth. I swear, it's hilarious! :)



10:57 PM) -:
do u have bby pics?
(10:57 PM) -:
ahahaha
(10:57 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: nope
(10:57 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: i'm adopted.
(10:57 PM) -: .... are u serious?
(10:57 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: .. LOOOOOOOOOOOL
(10:57 PM) -: are u serious?
(10:57 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: LOL
(10:57 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: NO
(10:57 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: WHAT THE HECK
(10:58 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: HAHAHA
(10:58 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: I LOVE MSN
(10:58 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: HAHA
(10:58 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: ;D
(10:58 PM) -: LOLOL
(10:58 PM) -: =="
(10:58 PM) -: !!!!!
(11:00 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: LOLOL
(11:00 PM) †>shoo. <(^3)3: IT'S SO FUNNY
(11:00 PM) -: lol T____T!

NOW WHO DIDN'T LAUGH AT THAT?! Well if you didn't, well then you must be very emo, or very boring and not easily amused. Boo you. Nah you're still cool to me :). You and me are like a magnet. Whenever you're close, I move towards you sub-consciously; following right behind you. However I try so hard to turn away, and you notice, so you give me space. It's strange... I don't know what I want from you. I want more, but I don't want anything at all. You really are bad for me. I accept, but I know I still can't live without you yet.

Mmhm. Yes, that's all. Man, I'm soo distracted by youtube now. Everyone go look up The Dark Knight Interrogation Spoof! It's funny! So is Mychonny. Yup.

ANYWAY. Back to.. uhh wherever I was. My scar is shiny.. @_@. Fun. Anyway I don't understand. One of my youth leaders told me that boys are very thick in the head; they don't understand ANYTHING until you actually say it straight. She even used a male leader to demonstrate. And I finally got the point (who's the thick headed one now? =-=). But yeah, I suppose it's true. When you say "I'm fine..." to a guy, and you kind of look away, they think that you don't want to talk to them, even though what we really want is their undivided attention. Haha. Damn, girls are confusing :).

I'm in a really good mood, if you haven't realised. It's so good ay. Like, I know why too. :).

"But seek His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." - Matthew 6:33

"Draw near to GOD and HE will draw near to you." James 4:8

I've been living by these verses... along with the promises that He WILL come, and that He is NOT fazed by where I am... therefore neither should I. "Seek and you will find"... It's simple really... I've been overwhelmed by emotions and stuff lately, and I know God as my comfort, and my peace. I struggle with Dev, even though I know that when I do dedicate time to God, peace flows from my heart, and I am at ease. Amen ay? :)

Anyway yeah I've calmed down now. It's probably just the song, but yeah. I'm happy.

Praise God.

LOL, Sarah.