Sunday Mornings.

I woke up this morning,
With you in the back of my mind.

I got dressed and ready,
And I was sure to not forget her umbrella again,
With you in the back of my mind.

I waited patiently in the car,
He flicked the channels constantly to get a good tune,
And I awaited all the things that needed to be done today,
With you in the back of my mind.

I greeted everyone the hall,
Their smiles gave me a filling warmth in my heart,
A smile danced around the weighed down corners of my lips,
And I enjoyed the early morning with the ones whom I loved so,
With you in the back of my mind.

I stood inside the building,
A breeze of cold air seeped into the back of my collar,
Tickling the edge of my neck and sending chills down my spine.
I buried my head in my representative scarf, whilst dazing to and fro,
And I prayed to God, hoping, yet still knowing despite, that I was thinking
With you in the back of my mind.

I walked down the dirty streets,
My closest cousin right with me, walking by my side,
We walked at a steady pace, easing the nagging pain in my leg.
Arriving at our destination, my ineptness brought me in front of oncoming cars,
I almost landed myself in an accident a number of times as we made our way to the entrance.
And as we entered, I stared in awe of the bustle and colour of the familiar building which for so long I missed,
With you in the back of my mind.

I sang a few songs,
Whole-hearted declarations resonated deep within me,
As I began to focus and worship in reverence and awe of You,
I lost myself in a sea of distant God-glorifying melodies and harmonies.
Abruptly, everything finished, and I left the place in a relatively calm state,
I acknowledged the inevitable passing of time, settling myself in the surrounds of the younger generation,
And I waited for him, with mixed thoughts and bubbling emotions I tried to keep in the confines of my tiring heart,
With you in the back of my mind.

I ate dinner with the teachers,
Who chattered and laughed gleefully over a banquet.
I complimented the lighting, the speakers, the patterned walls,
As I helped myself to a generous serving of the numerous platters served before us.
The night ended quickly, and I huddled in the back of his car next to my cousin for any kind of warmth,
We drove back to her car and waved her goodbye, and I placed myself next to him, shotgunning the passenger seat,
Finally, I could talk to him again, as I had missed the whole week, pouring my heart out in a confused, happy/angry daze
And he knew everything that was happening, and he understood my life in a nutshell, but most importantly, that I had this struggle
With you in the back of my mind.

I'm sad to say the least,
That all day long I would have to fight,
I would purposely have to distract myself from such thoughts,
So endearing, so inevitable that they would haunt me, that you would haunt me.
Like a constant battle between the heart and the mind, my heart is cooped up, but ready to explode,
And my mind is fighting against all odds to alleviate the feeling, to even just relieve this torment, this torture.
I simply could not comprehend ever thinking, feeling, or acting this way in any such phase or scene in my entire life,
That this would come as a surprise to me, definitely, though my logic denies it, and my heart aches at even the presence of it,
And that my entire self would be so influenced- no, completely changed but by the simple sight, or even knowing that I would live

With you in the back of my mind.

---
Yes, I was meant to write this yesterday, and therefore it would make a whole lot more sense. I had another idea for today, but it seems that I've forgotten it. Yes, I have definitely lost it. Oh well. I hope you enjoy my poorly written poem, or, rather, randomply structured prose.

LOL, Sarah.

Metaphoric Symbols.

The thoughts of you, so endearing, but I'm turning away, oh I'm running away...

I'm reluctant to talk about you, because by even just a single thought of you, I know my heart will cave in again. All that I can reveal is that my panic attacks have risen to fairly frequently each day, and invading thoughts of you have began to decay and crumble my defense.

I'm tossing and turning...

---
Thoughts as thin as air are harmless, but even an overflow of air can burst even the strongest of balloons.

Every expression easily moulded into a perfectly shaped mask.

---
HOLIDAYS, HOLIDAYS, HOLIDAYS! 3 weeks of holidays! Please organise something with me (:

It's a weird blog today.. But I really have no inspiration. Like the overflow of blogs this week, such are the outburst of isolated emotions.

LOL, Sarah.

Let Your Heart Decide.

And here I find myself frozen at the very sight of your name.

Coming out of deep inspiration from some blogger I should know.

Future. Future is what makes our world go round. We strive for goals in the near future, and we tackle tough situations to create a greater future for ourselves. We make ground-breaking choices that can potentially flip and alter our futures completely. It's all about future, and it's what's in it that makes us continue to have a want to live, rather than simply exist.

What, Sarah, what is it now? What's driven you to the brink of insanity by suddenly throwing in a word that so naturally rolls off the edges of our tongues, and clearly wearing it out by your outrageous use of it in a single paragraph?

Well, dear mind (I bet you, reader, thought I was putting words in your mouth... or something like that), to be brutally honest, I'm not completely sure. The future and in all its mystery has had a sudden grasp on me, it has this falcon-grip which I cannot escape. Call it an obsession, as you may, but may I note you to listen carefully, for I need you to hear the distant call of your old friend- that is, my dear heart longs to be with you again. You guys worked together once, did you not? And well, things may have not turned out quite right, for the heart overpowered how you spoke, and how you wished to behave, and thus the void between you has created some distance. But hush! Quieten your logic for but a moment, for I am certain to be hearing the heart screaming out "I want to live!".

Did you hear that, mind? I can almost agree to your logic, but so far, you've been living as a machine... I believe the heart can finally be reasoned with, for it's found hope. Do you understand, mind? Hope, the belief that good is coming, is resonating so apprehensively from the heart. Hope... hope is a futuristic thing, is it not? It is the belief that something good WILL happen, though it has not yet happened! And right now, the heart pleads with you to not live as a mere machine, do not just exist, mind! For the heart who hopes has a life full of the greatest, which is yet to come, and only when I'm paralleled with you two, the two strongest forces of my entire being, can I break out of your prison, mind, and allow the heart to once again direct, but of course be controlled, into a future full of greatness, full of prosperity, and full of hope.

Dear mind, you of all things, should know that from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. Is it not logical then, to let it speak with your cooperation?

Future. Future, only striven when we find it within ourselves a screaming desire to want to live. Hope. Hope, only when we realise that greater things have yet to come.

---
Water taps mirror my eyes, but I'm not even close to a water supply.

LOL, Sarah.

Perpendicularly Skewed.

Must you haunt me with your constant fantastical reminders and contrast my dreams with my reality?

Two things happened in the past two days.

One.
I dreamt you again, and this time, I fell into your embrace (why do I always seem to fall in my dreams?), and I was instantly flooded with such a warmth. It was as if the sun shone in favour of me, its rays stretching towards me and blanketing me in safe heat, shielding me from the harsh, desolate landscape that surrounded me, where the wind howled and threatened to slice through my skin with its ice-cold touch.
You were hugging me. Your arms wrapped easily around my shoulders, and you comfortably leaned your head next to mine tucked into my shoulder. Your hold on me was tight and secure, and I instantly felt safe in your arms, your warmth dissolving into my skin, warming my cold heart. The hairs of my neck stood on end as I shivered against your body, and I found myself returning your gesture, pulling myself closer as I grasped the back of your jacket. I felt myself urging for more of your warmth; for not even a millimetre of distance between us, and I moulded myself against your physique. I buried my face under your neck, and a single tear pricked in my eye as I dreamed this was real, waking up to the warmth of my electric blanket under me.



Two.
I was weighed down with sleep this morning, and I struggled to ready myself for the upcoming day. I blundered towards the car, and I lazily made an effort to place my bag in the front seat. The door was open, and as I was about to enter, my mother released the brake pedal, causing the car to jerk suddenly as she immediately planted her foot on the pedal again. In my ineptness, my perception became skewed, and, in parallel to movement the car, I felt myself almost tumble. My arms wavered in the air for balance, before grabbing the frame of the door, and my mum stared at me as she spilled with endless 'sorry's while I gained my balance again. I wearily looked at her, confused as to why she was saying sorry. I almost fell on my own account; nothing touched me, nor nothing swayed me but only from my view of the car suddenly jerking did I almost fall.

I almost fell over literally nothing. My mum jerked the car, and I almost fell as a result of that. -___________-

---
I dreamt that we were talking again. You know, I don't think I know you anymore. You've changed. You've definitely changed.

---
I watched transformers today.. and golly, was it good.

LOL, Sarah.

Poignant Manufacturing.

You're not perfect, but I don't care.

I'm not going to lie to you; there have been these barriers, these mirror-tinted windows that I've placed against you so that I would see the insignificances of all that I am, and now I am tearing them down, I am breaking them into a million pieces, even if its shards rip into my skin and cause me to bleed. These walls, containing bricks upon solid bricks of boundless insecurities, curiosities, and speculation concerning you constantly cave in on my heart as it pounds relentlessly on its rocky surface.

Though it may be true that the scratches on my heart would cause it to bleed in desperation, I refuse to let these hurdles hinder me from discovering more of who you are. I've been waiting at the train station for a while now, tossing and turning as to whether I should board, and it's been passing me by as I contemplated everything; consequences juxtaposed against benefits, and I would find that I had nothing to lose. I'm finally boarding the train, and I'm pursuing what I would normally pursue in other circumstances. Why is there a sudden change, you may ask, but the fact of the matter is that I'm simply tired of being enslaved to the mockery of my thoughts, and the prison cell that I've kept myself in has only degraded and dehumanised me, simply to keep myself away from you.

I can't help how I see you, but I can finally control how I think about our friendship. I refuse to lose it over some silly over-dramatised speculation.

And yet, I still manage to pull up endless paragraphs simply about you. Great, aren't I? Sarcasm completely intended.

---

One simple illustration should do it.

A boat is usually safely guarded in the storm; that is, until a large ocean wave sweeps over it, caving in on the boat and tearing it into a thousand pieces of broken wood.

Don't you find it ironic how I've been saying that I have this machine-like mind, manufacturing thoughts of pure logic, with the complete imbalance of heart, when my posts are almost always completely poignant, and pulling at the heartstrings?

I found it interesting.

LOL, Sarah.

Rainbow Children.

Is it so necessary to like you?

Read this as if I were speaking to you in a British accent. It could be more interesting that way.

I deem it now my duty to update you on the reasons for my irregular blog posting. It should be quite evident that, at the moment, I am suffering from the all too common writer's block, and thus am struggling to produce any even half decent posts, and to that, to you, reader, I am sorry. My mind has ceased to work in collaboration with me to draw upon any kind of substance that would articulate any sort of scene or even just an idea so I could update you. Thus, once again, I'm sorry about the bland blogs, and I find myself saying that a lot, because, as a matter of fact, I don't believe that the quality of my work has at all escalated to a more sophisticated level but by the use of my trusty online thesaurus, which has helped me greatly in creating blogs in 3 hours, though they are easily read in about 5 minutes. It doesn't help when I'm completely distracted with work, msn, or just anything around me.

So I thought that maybe if I saw you in a completely different light, that is, possibly ungrace, I could convince myself that maybe you weren't all that I thought you were. You weren't some kind of amazing, absolutely brilliant person that I constantly aspire to and are inspired by... constantly. Everything that mattered to you, all your passions, your talents and skills, what of them mattered to me? And the determination I always saw in your eyes, and yet your laid-back, easy-going nature whenever you smiled and laughed, it should not affect me what-so-ever, for there is no reason why any aspect of you should have any kind of influence over how I behave, act, feel, or think.

And yet you do. However, by some divine miracle, I cannot say that my perspective is completely skewed, because in every possible view, everything I saw of you was the same. I've repeated myself, I believe, almost 1000 times over, despite what is fleeting, all that is fleeting and temporary, you are beyond amazing.

Oh golly, I really do know how to over-dramatise things, don't I? Nevertheless, it's out there, and it's done. I think you're cool, and there's nothing to it. We're cool.

But for once, just once, can we be non-biased friends?

---
I was on a mountain, and I knew I could see the summit as the rays of the sun breached against the horizon. The air was thinning, and, evidently enough, so was my blood as I struggled to inhale enough oxygen that would allow my blood to circulate and warm my legs. I needed to persevere, because I was obviously almost there. The slope sneered haughtily as I slipped across the glassy surface, and its thin layer of snow crunched against my boot, as I attempted for a stable foundation on the immensely elevated angle of the mountain. Despite the chills that danced around my lips and ran up and down my spine, the boundless snow that surrounded me instantly caved in beneath me, and I felt my bones give in to the pressure of imbalance and uncertainty, landing with a cold thump in the snow, whilst the remainder of the boundless, fluffy snow decorated me with soft, wet drops.

As soon as I had fallen, I was also slipping. However, I would not allow myself to slip behind, to backslide to where I was before this point. Where I was now, so close to the summit, and yet a thousand times over, I have fallen in this same spot, even along with my desperate attempts to move. I moved so agonisingly slow that every step I took was regressed by the slip and slide of the sleet and snow. I was moving, but I wasn't fast enough to get anywhere.

I'm kind of tired, and I don't feel like continuing this analogy. I've tried enough that I don't expect more, anymore.

---
I'm still a robot with a human heart. This is all still too difficult for me to understand. You can paint me pictures of the most vibrant colours in the pools of my eyes, but I will blatantly refuse to cease seeing everything in black and white. As for my Savior, please, Love, overflow from my heart, and give colour to my world.

---
Golly, what a selfish blog.

LOL, Sarah.

Perception Is Reality.

Look how they shine for you...

I dreamed you again, despite my best efforts to lessen your presence in my mind. Who you are in my dreams, and who you are in the naturalistic world parallel with each other, though in one... you held so much more control over me.

I was in the best place possible, surrounded my most beloved and closest of friends. I had just returned from such a strange journey through a large building complete with dozens of flights of stairs to which I was forced to scale over half a dozen times. Despite the draining exercise, I was still energised as we headed towards the counter, where we would wait for our popcorn to watch a movie. I didn't know of the movie, obviously, because you were buying everything...

But wait, why were you there? I said that it was my closest friends, and yet you somehow managed your way into our little group. I forced my eyes away from you, and instead looked at the intense colours that paved our way as we walked towards the cinema door. I heard you laugh, and talk amongst my friends, and I desperately tried to speed up my pace; my body would not allow it, because I found no control of myself in this world. Suddenly, I felt your hand upon my shoulder, and your arm was stretched across from my opposite side, where my other shoulder was also then occupied with your other hand. You were to the right of me, carrying the popcorn in your right hand, and musing with the others, gesturing images to further articulate your stories. You seemed to be leading me into the right direction, as I found myself shifting slightly towards the left, back with our little group. As I thought, I was unable to move from your tender grasp, and even my slightest attempts to throw of your hand from my shoulder failed to succeed. On impulse, I moved my left hand towards yours, and I desperately tried to manage a grip onto your hand so I could lift it off my shoulder. However, my hand resisted to close in on your fingers, and your hand found a comfortable space in my palm, where I could barely even make a fist. My hand was suddenly frozen to the curve of my neck, and the warmth of your fingers trickled through mine as they danced around in its small, enclosed space that I had made for them.

Not only were you controlling my directional sense, you were controlling my movements, and so much more, my emotions. I've been trying to resist you for so long, and in my desperation, my dreams are beginning to articulate such a fantastical world of which is fake, but of which is what I cannot control.

Why? I've steered my thoughts completely clear of you, and your face haunts me in my dreams. But it's okay. I refuse to lose myself in my dreams, where my perception of you is completely skewed by my personal biases, but instead, I'll acknowledge that I am not changing how I think based on what is fleeting, but what I know to be true.

Perception, is it not reality?


---
*sigh*, I'm cutting into my sleep time again. It's been something that's been haunting me all day, and it's only now where I decide to write about. I'm sorry about the lack of intricacy and detail in this piece, as well as the lack of vocabulary -_-. I'm really lazy with this now, but it always makes me feel guilty when I don't post after 2 days without posting... so yeah.

Tehe, Psychology is by far my worst subject, but I even managed to pull a B for the exam. :) Overall, these are my ranked marks: A+,A+,A,B+,B. I have everything! :) Two A+s, it's NOT a mistake, peoples... -__-.

LOL, Sarah.

I Will Be With The One I Love.

The first splinters of light drowned the darkness from my eyes as they fluttered open, full of life and energy, and the droning buzz in my ears were analysed and interpreted as the morning alarm of my IPod; songs of varied genres of worship softly echoed through the walls of my absent minded cranium. I had no desire to move, and I examined the familiar features of my inevitably cold room, where I'd left my folded clothes on my bright blue chair, and my endless supply of bags territorised my small carpet, enveloping any clashing objects nearby. I found myself in an amazing embodiment of stillness, and yet at the same time I felt so alive as the day ahead dawned upon my resting mind. I searched through images and imagined scenes of what was to come with such a clarity and vast calmness filtering my thoughts, to which then splatters of vibrancy and colour permeated the canvas of what I envisioned today to be. No colours or tones of lackluster seemed to touch the body of the canvas, instead my mind was filled with such good, joyous thoughts, and I smiled meekly, and alleviated my focus to just the colours of my mind by closing my eyes.

As I lay in peaceful rest, my IPod droned on, reminding me of my requirements to see my vision come to life. I heaved myself from the comfort of my mattress, where underneath the sheets, a layer of warmth clung to me, tempting me into its warm allure. I smiled as I fought my urge to seap back into the magic of the electric blanket, which had been keeping me warm for the coldest of winter nights. I sat up on my bed, and I breathed a silent sigh of relief and excitement. I felt strangely refreshed this morning, despite me having not showered for two days, leaving my body in an unlikened state to my mind.

I dodged and wove my way through my man-made obstacle that encompassed my entire carpet onto the cool tiles, which sent tingles and shivers throughout my muscles, causing me to move more diligently and efficiently to avoid the cold. I readied myself for school in an overwhelming calmness and peaceful state of mind, to which I acknowledged the precious time I had to begin exploring the dimensions of a poly dimensional Being.

Again, as I sought after You, You revealed to me a new dimension; a dimension which challenged my heart and filled my mind with a freshness and new understanding of Your divine Word; once again, good God, You left me breathless.

I don't understand, though being completely refreshed and renewed, nothing I see of you has changed. The dimensions of your entire being have remained the same, despite the clarity of my new, changed perspective.

~~~

Hello, peoples, it's been a while. About 5 days ago was my last blog, and I have finally picked my lazy self up to set up another blog which hopefully tickles your fancy. I've been struggling with ideas lately, and whenever I find one, I quickly lose grasp of it (if you know me, you'd understand why as I tend to get distracted easily... very easily) and I am rarely able to recall it again. Oh wells, this is what I have created, and I hope you enjoyed.

---
And I know that I used to struggle with dealing with my insecurity and self confidence based on my fleeting emotions, you have suddenly pulled apart my heart and shown me how isolated I have made myself. Now I can barely recognise myself; I feel like a robot with a heart so hidden and so compressed deep in my physique that I lack empathy, and base my life on logic. I used to think that rejecting my emotions was the right way... Have I become so heartless, and barely human?

I thank you for opening my eyes, opening myself, to see my heart again.

---
Honestly, you do worry me, and even though we don't remain so close, I am praying for you, because I believe in a God who answers all prayers, whether how we want it to be answered or not.
---

LOL, Sarah.

Grace Visioned.

You humble me.

I've come to the conclusion that maybe I shouldn't throw it away after all; maybe, despite all my hardship and burden that has come upon me, there is a purpose for it. Maybe God is throwing my words back at me as I shout, declare, that "God works for the good in everything for all those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28)". Oh Sarah, ye of little faith, despite my suffering and the severe burden I've been constantly reminded of, time and time again, God throws me back into place, and tells me to just push through it; heck, He's telling me to be a man about it, because His plans for me are divine and beautiful, "plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans for a hope and future" (I keep forgetting where its quoted from.. lol)

And I'm thankful that today, through everything, despite my rush to get ready and thus only having time for a short reflection without a real Bible reading this morning, I thank God that even when I don't think of Him, He "will never leave me, nor forsake me (Joshua 1:5)".

I'm also thankful that I am not held down by anything, that when Jesus said, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed (John 8:36)", that my entrapments, my cages, my shackles, my barriers, and all the highest walls that I have created to confine myself are broken down, and I have been delivered, just as "the LORD said to Joshua, "See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands (Joshua 6:2a)" and "by faith the walls of Jericho fell (Hebrews 11:30)".

Which, in conclusion, means, I was wrong about our friendship, I forgot to pray for my Methods exam (I prayed for lunch though :), and my reasonable response is simply to worship.

Amos 5:21-24

²¹ "I hate, I despise your religious feasts;
I cannot stand your assemblies.

²² Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings,
I will have no regard for them.

²³ Away with the noise of your songs!
I will not listen to the music of your harps.

²⁴ But let justice roll on like a river,
righteousness like a never-failing stream!

And Isaiah 58!

Please look these passages up, and feed your imaginations.


"The logic is simple, but we cut it to disproportionate ends"

LOL, Sarah.

Droplets.

No, I don't like you, and whatever 'if' there was, is impossible, even in a parallel world.

A million times a day, I would say a a million things that could find its place expressed in inept words. That is, if I'd written it down, a whole lot more would be done. So yeah, I'm sorry about the bland blogs.

I find it funny that my older brother likes a Miley Cyrus song, and he forced me to come with him so that he could buy it. Even after countless times where I told him he needn't be ashamed.

"I'm not embarrassed!"
*I find the disc and hand it to him*
"SARAH, BE EXCITED!"

....-_-

I had a dream and it was one of those sensual dreams again. I only remember a certain part of it.. where this guy, and I'll name him 'you', had your arms around me, and you were cradling me. Your body sculpted perfectly against my back, and your stoic physique comfortably supported me as I leaned towards you, eyes closed as the mild breezes flicked my hair back, and softly nudged me deeper into your soft yet firm hold. Shivers pricked my skin slightly, though the warmth which resonated from your body quickly eradicated any signs of coldness. Another gush of wind softly ruffled the hair against the back of neck. It was strange, warm, and only lasted about a second; it wasn't the wind, it was you, and in an instant I threw my head back to lean on your shoulder. I sighed, and chuckled as your dark, curly hair bounced above my nose, your eyelashes so neatly curved as I examined your eyes. You were at peace, and I clutched your fingers which were wrapped around my hand, meeting in my palm.

I honestly don't know what I was doing... the first words I ever heard you speak; my dream depicted your voice perfectly, aside from it being even more angelic as it rang through my ears...

"Kiss me"....

I instantaneously moved out your arms in complete shock, turning towards you and glaring at you in the eye for some profound meaning as to why you would even think of saying that; but I couldn't stop myself from being drawn closer to you. I could only control my proximity once I was only inches from you once again, and I scrunched my eyes at you, appraising your composed face, trying to find meaning or depth behind your words.

I need to stop having intimate dreams with people I don't know.

LOL, Sarah.

Hi J.

We Live In A Beautiful World.

They say "when a guy falls, he falls hard". If you fall even close to me, forgive me, for I would take off in the opposite direction. I'm finally getting used to this unsettling experience, but please, I'm still fragile.

I'm just happy that I only have one more exam, and I've had one of the best weeks ever, considering it was a school week full of hectic study and exams.

You're frustrating me, and I don't even know why. :( You're one of my closest friends... so, why?

LOL, Sarah.

Powerful Being (English).

Would you ever duet with me?

This is in preparation for an expository piece for my English exam.
Normal readers, you don't have to read this. It's lengthy.

~~~

Today displayed some of the most malevolent acts taht heavily disgraced the true essence of leadership. The entire Senior School was completely ran amuck, where distressed teacher frantically rushed about, seeking safety against the outbreak of hormonally charged adolescents who unanimously implemented a change and beginning of a new era: the rule of the teens.

As I entered the brass gates of the school yard, I experienced and eerie and fairly unsettling quietness that seemed to encompass the entire school. The wind blew softly from behind me, and as it softly urged me forward, it also sent shivers down my spine, and made the hairs of my neck stand on edge. The aura that the school seemed to disclose was vastly stranger than usual; the lively chattering and playful joy that normal defined a school morning was nowhere to be seen or heard, and instead it was replaced with insecurity and an overwhelming sense of oppression. I cautiously made my way towards the main door that led to the atrium, and as I did, I began to hear a crowd of distant voices screaming in outrage and argument. I craned my neck forward, straining to clarify the words of a throaty male whose voice dominated the clamour of which it came from. I could just make out bits of what he said as his voice cut in and out from overall noise. "No matter waht... the students... I would kill... you have to stay out of my way... this is... for the best".

My eyes widened in shock, and as if on impulse, I darted towards the door and thrust them open, not noticing the almost smashed window on the side as a result of my reckless behaviour, for I now stood in the centre of a completely overthrown school. I was frozen in shock, my mouth agape, as I gazed at the scene which now surrounded me. Students emerged from every direction, turning over tables and kicking around chairs in rage, and screaming in utter triumph, whilst teachers were pinned to the confines of the school cafeteria, guarded by the tallest and the strongest of students inhabiting Senior School. In the midst of this scene, in the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a single student, who happened to be my best friend, climbing up a series of tables which were mounted above each other. Once she positioned herself comfortably on top of the small mountain of tables, she held up a megaphone, and began to speak, answering the questions that seemed to invade my mind as it attempted to soak in the environment.

"Dear fellow students. I have a proposal to make. Dear beloved teachers, I have a new rule for you to observe. As you can see, the students have finally taken up their responsibilities in standing up for their rights and justice. And how can you teachers ever not be proud? We are working as a team, using our treasured talents and skills, and binding them together to create and maintain a new, blossoming community. This new community will now be run by the authority that us- the students- have proudly earned, and we implore you to work together with us into making this school the best it can be. It is in my best interest that this school is always at its best, and now that the future of this school is in safe hands, you need not worry. However, if it is not in your interests that this school be maintained by the very best of our new leaders-that is, our students-you will suffer the consequences. We appreciate all your talents and skills, and each student, who will now be a leader, will be assigned to a specific area according to your achievements. We appreciate you teachers for your help and kind coordination thus far, and I will leave you in this beginning of a new era with our new motto: "Yes, we-students-can rule this school!"

A triumphant shout protruded from the patriotic mouths of every student in the building, and fists all simultaneously punched the air above, chanting the new motto that my best friend introduced in her poignant speech.I stared at her in disbelief, and I strained to catch her eyes as she was helped down from the mountain by my usual ring of friends. Only once did she turn my way to meet my dazed gaze, and she smiled cheerfully with that same smile that would warm my heart, before being whisked away by her escorts to the staff meeting room where the was safest from the ruckus of the raging students.

The rest of the day progress in a blur, with so many changes and desired implementations taking place zooming past me as I waded through the school in utter bewilderment. Plans of the new rule were plastered all over the walls, and graffiti such as "TEACHERS SUCK" and "STUDENTS RULE" replaced the house, sport and music noticeboards. Students whizzed past me, occasionally throwing at me the divine and apparently foolproof plans created by my best friend. On a single crumpled piece of paper that was thrown at me were the names of every student in school and the details of their new roles. I quickly scanned for my name, and I found myself employed to the position of "Vice President and leader of student justice". As I pondered my new found authority, my heart impulsively warmed and a smile crept upon my weary face purely for the fact that as a best friend, she would still acknowledge my presence and our social proximity, but I quickly erased that thought as I focused once again on the deteriorating norms of a Senior school being overthrown by students solely controlled by their desperate desire to control.

Millions of calculations were processed through my inept mind, and I came to the distressing conclusion that seemed to be the only valid way to stop this mess. My heart sank as I thought of the possible consequences my friend would have to suffer, and these thoughts fought malevolently against my innate norms of justice.

As I dialed the number, my heart wrenched in pain, and I felt myself once again going into another stress-panic attack. However, I refused to faulter, and I reported the disturbing case of my school to the police.

I was in a dazed mess. I walked back through the hallways. As I walked back through the hallways, the faces of those I loved flashed past me; their eyes glowing with such mysterious joy juxtaposed against their sinister smiles. I felt like I was walking through a dream, and my head drooped down, my heart sinking even deeper into my stomach, inviting a sickening feeling at the bottom of my throat. I imagined the glow of my best friend's face again as she spoke so proudly, and the familiar smile of a righteous girl haunted the confines of my mind.

I waded my way through the crowds, and as l I left the school gates, I left my best friend with a single text, "I'm sorry".

Now I sit at home, and the news reports rage over the capture of my school. I only hope that she would understand; that one who abuses their power brings destrucion and only justice will stand.

~~~

LOL, Sarah.

I Need Something.

You set my standards higher.

I need something to believe in
Cos I don't believe in myself
I'm sick and tired of getting nowhere
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind anymore

And I need someone to put my trust in
Cos I ain't trusting myself
And I'm scared of failure
So scared of success
Guess it'll all work out

And I don't mind anymore.

I Need Something - Newton Faulkner.

I won't be able to properly post until at least next week. I'm studying :)

Until then!
LOL, Sarah.

.

Hello, June, another month has gone past, and I'm no longer burdened by this obsession.

I scanned the vibrant green landscape, where the grass battled its way through the parched dirt and soil to stand and sway softly in the afternoon breeze. The playground was alive with kids tumbling and crawling around like termites invading an ant hole (lol, what kind of simile is that?!) I looked on and smiled as I watched the kid's faces light up with such excitement and delight at the toys that were 5 times bigger than them. I closed my eyes for a bit, and turned to the side.

You were sitting next to me, observing the very same thing. Your posture seemed slightly laid-back; your back only slightly curved to show a lazy motivation of maintaining a good posture, and your mouth was dropped open. I chuckled at your dazed sight; I was so tempted to fix your back and warn you about the severe back problems you could be facing later on in life. But that would have been awkward, so I kept my hands to myself. I continued to take in the breath-taking scenery; that is, until your voice distracted me.

"Hey, let's try something..." The wind almost stole your voice away from my ears, but I caught it in time as you shuffled away from me slightly. I turned my head towards you to see you leaning your head towards me, eventually laying it on my shoulder. I looked forward again, and eventually leaned into your head with my own, just for the sake of it. You measured your left hand with my right hand, then twisting and intertwining our fingers; your bony fingers wrapped around my hand. It was, for a split second romantic, but your toned skin felt uncomfortable against my pale white complexion. You surely did not know how to make holding hands comfortable, but I still went along with it anyway. After all, there was nothing to it. This was a joke to show everyone around that we were comfortable with each other, but we weren't looking for anything more.

Even though it completely sounds like we were.

It was after what seemed like forever, holding hands with you, and having such a ridiculously close proximity with you, that you'd realised that this was getting weird, and released your falcon grip on my hand, and lifted your head off my shoulder. Our "moment" was done, and gone.

I try my best to believe every word of this.

- Written in January, soon after New Year's.

LOL, Sarah.