Obsessive Governance.

I really had no idea where I was going with this...

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We fear letting go of our problems, for we fear that they may control us. We trust ourselves far too much, and we're only too happy to take on as much as we can... as long as we're under control.

But who are we kidding? We're masters of our own destruction. We're piling up the papers, unknowingly that we're on the top of the ladder just to place the last bit on a mountain of papers. And when we come back down, we eagerly unslot a loose leaf, only too late to realise that it's all falling upon us; our world - that is, our worries crushing down upon us and overwhelming us in oceans of despair (cliche, I know >_>).

But it's who we are. We like to be in complete control - of everything we can muster in our life. When it comes to relationships, what can we do? We're too controlling to surrender even an inkling of our life story to another, perhaps lend them the pen, and let them write a chapter into our books, or even simply a paragraph or sentence. It's so hard for us to let anyone else in without surrendering our control, but until we do, they can't really be there, can they?

Because we all like to be independent. We all like to be in control. We don't ever want to rely on others - for fear of becoming a burden, perhaps, or simply because of our pride, and so we clasp onto the reigns even tighter, determined to do it ourselves. But our hearts will never be broken, moulded and shaped if we don't surrender the 'maker's position. We want to be independent, and yes, that's a good thing... but really, how much can we rely on ourselves? Sooner or later we'll be overwhelmed by a mountain of problems that we simply can't handle ourselves. And it's simple: we're pathetic. Who knew? Yet we give ourselves too much credit, allocating ourselves with far more than we ourselves can bear. We simply cannot do it all ourselves. Sometimes, we need to give others the reigns so that we can rest.

And we can't have others work in our lives until we give them that control to. We can't have God moving in our lives if we haven't surrendered any part of ourselves to Him. Once we do surrender to God, who holds the world in His hands... how much more will He take care of us? He who dresses the flowers, and gives beautiful tunes for the bird to sing. He who paid attention to the detail, so much that He created us in His own likeness...

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

If only we would surrender, and ask Him what we obviously need...

²⁸“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Stuff Christians like, yeah I can't really say anything else cos I'm going all blabbery and jibber jabbering: clicky here people!

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I'm fairly level-headed, I like to say, but I hate this feeling of being fooled. Not by anyone else, because I can laugh it off sooner or later... but this feeling of fooling myself. I've had no one to help me convince myself that I'm fine, that I have all that I need - even though I really do. How could I complain? Why do I complain? Why am I so selfish, when it's so evident that I have all that I need and so much more?

But I'm so tired of all this convincing. Sometimes it just feels like I'm fooling myself into believing something that isn't really there.

Argh.

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord, I really need to see You.

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I just needed to write T_T

LOL, Sarah.
I really need to let go.