Abstract Deception.

Of course, I'm not one who regrets their sleep, no matter how long it may be. Sleep is an infallible state to be in: the almighty cure to weariness, albeit from psychological, to physical, and even emotional causes. Sleep brings about rest, and possibly temporary peace. It also (almost literally) takes you away to another world, a world full of dreams with no expectations, of boundless vision and no effort. It's blatant that I do appreciate my sleep.

But it seems as though, lately, my sleep had led me to a pinnacle of distress. What was once, personally, my cure for not only physical tiredness, but especially to alleviate my emotional outbursts, has become a place of its very own conception of a second fantasized reality with just the same consequences due to my situations in my dreamy state. Somehow, my visionary dreams have turned from such immature illusions as being able to fly or breathe underwater, and instead have become situations which are astoundingly normal, and fantastically real.

The problem, however, isn't that I am unable to fly, or breathe underwater, although I can delight in these childish desires within my dreams, but it is that I am confronted once again with a reality which I already must deal with. Dreams are bizarre, and this fantastic depiction of reality really ebbs away at my apprehensions of situations that could possibly be what I would face in the real. The environment of my dreams: too realistic, and too parallel to what surrounds me whilst I'm awake, and the circumstances, they are like my very own situations, but I am displaced to wind up in one where there is no good solution but for me to hurt...

I wake up suddenly, in tears, far more often than I expect to be; I only cry for two reasons, and this has become one of them. Another is that these second realities are far too like realities, and I am struggling so much more nowadays even to simply get a glimpse of my reality: being awake, being truly aware of my surroundings and the place I live in, not the place I dreamed to be in.

And now I have a new fear: I fear my dreams will overtake me, and I fear not being able to wake on my own accord, no matter how I fight to be awake, because I know I don't belong in dreams. And even then, my dreams now only torment me and punish me. I simply don't know why.

The first day of spring...

This was the first... and no doubt not the last. I am troubled, constantly, and I am growing more weary than ever, for I now fear sleep, even though I need it. It scares me. The emotion which has been invoked by these deceptive realities is real, and has left me in a constant state of distress.

Hmm...

LOL, Sarah.
She doesn't doubt this relationship... so why should I... or why do I?