They'd Say.

They'd say that I was strong, when I couldn't take anything anymore.
They'd say I was positive, when I could see no good in the world anymore.
They'd say that I was happy,when my heart was breaking.

It's not as if I don't have any problems. But it's not as if I'll ever act like I have no problems. I do. I'm just like every other person in the rest of this world. I suffer, I hurt. Sometimes, no one even knows.

But it's not as if I won't say something. It's because every time I feel that I have to say something for an ounce of relief from heartache, there comes a voice. It's a voice that tells me to stop whining and complaining. It forces me to envision so many other broken people, suffering much harsher circumstances and going through more heartbreaking situations than I could even dream about. People who are on the brink of dying, and yet... still rejoice at seeing another day. And truly, truly no one knows what they go through.

It's these people, and they are real, and I'm weaker than that. They're the ones who should be called strong. They're the ones still seeing positivity in the world. They're the ones who are truly happy with nothing.
And I, a spoiled little girl in one of the luckiest countries in the world, should have nothing to complain about. In fact. My life is so wonderfully fortunate. I have all I need, want, and so much more with the God who would have died for me alone, even if no one else would believe.

So I shall, once again, purse my lips, hold my tongue, and refuse to let another tear escape.

LOL, Sarah.

Clothed.

Colossians 3:7-14

⁷You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. ¹¹ Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

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I happen to find that life can be like cleaning out a closet. There always comes a time when we have to empty ourselves, lay everything out on the bed, and assess what we keep, and what needs to go. We have grown now, and we need to purge ourselves of childish desires, letting go of the things we do not need, and instead clothe ourselves with the new, be equipped for what is to come.

Where I once laid my childish ways aside, just in a small corner of my closet, I now set it in a pile on my bed. It is a pile I no longer need, for I have grown; clothes of holding on, stubbornness, self-orientation - I let go. A pile that no longer lingers in my closet, taking up space, weighing me down. These must go, for they are too tight, and I suffocate in its cover.

So too, the clothes that must go are the ones that were never mine: clothes I have attempted to put on to become someone else, clothes that don't fit me so well. They must return to their owners, for the clothes which are mine are mine to be worn, not to be left hanging upon the hooks.

And finally, the clothes that are still stained by human's shortcomings: selfishness splattered over compassion, pride seeping in the seams of obedience, and materialistic desires drenching pure, white, love. These clothes will be surrendered, to be laid at His feet, for Him to wash clean, that I may dress myself anew. The stains of sin are washed away by His blood, so that I may be clothed with the robes of a child of God.

And in so doing, I am no longer a sinner, I am a beautiful, loved daughter of God.

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With the New Year having come around, there are a number of things I must do. There are loose ends to be tied, knots to be loosened, and other strings to be cut off completely. This blog - this string, is one I am not sure how to deal with. Perhaps it will stay a while longer, or perhaps not. But it is a consideration that I need to be aware of, as are many other decisions which I have to make.

Rest assured though, I will offer a valedictory when the time comes to lay this beast to sleep :P

In the mean time, I must immerse myself all the more into my roots in the Motherland (:

Much love,

PtL, Sarah.