You am I.

Hey you,
Obviously we've come to some misunderstanding with each other. I thought we wanted the same thing. Igave up our time, and put in commitment and perseverance, but it didn't seem to work out. In fact, when I tried to do my best, you wrecked it by doing your worst. Mistake after mistake, and the more you make, the more I stuff up as well. But why? Why would you do that? We're exactly the same, yet completely different. I hate you. Your thoughts run parallel with mine, because they're the same. Yet, you manage to somehow change our flow, and send it crashing down.
You're ruining my life.
I thought I knew you, but I don't understand you at all. Ironic, because I know your every move, every single reaction, every thought. I know every bit of you. And I hate it. But I can't change it; you're not helping either.
I suppose I have to deal with it. I have my whole life with you to work it out. It would be grand if you made it easier for me.
From me.

Short Blog.

I have nothing much to say tonight. Encouragement and Passion is all that we lack.

If everyone would do what they could do, then a lot more would get done.

LOL, Sarah.

Conversation.

You sent your friends into laughing fits the minute you said the ultimate punch line that you had made up the night before. A well-deserved pat on the back was given to you, as well as a loud "OH SNAP!" from nearby listeners.

A chuckling friend from a slight distance away comes towards you, and you shoot a glance his way.

"Dude, that was pretty epic!" He complimented sincerely, not taking notice of your sudden frustration that quickly overwhelmed you, rejecting the joy you experienced only a second ago.

A shaking fizzy bottle within you was going to explode. You could not stand it when others used your words, and this one person, who happened to use it the moment you had just gotten over it, knocked your focus completely. Enraged, you respond, "Nah, more like an epic fail." And you walk off.

Don't for a second that you are suddenly better than him; that you are more original, and that he is conformist just because he decided to mimic you. What is a friend that lacks understanding, and knows only judgement?

LOL, Sarah.

Figure you, me.

Woo, new layout.

I wonder what you might get out of this short passage.

~~~
You do not know who I am, even though you see me everyday. You are always around me, constantly lingering by me, yet you still do not know what I think, see, hear, touch, taste or smell. You hear my every word, but you do not understand. You answer my questions, but you do not take notice of my reactions. You seem blissfully ignorant to me.

But I know you. I ask you inquisitive questions, making sure I am able to extract all information relevant to me. I take note of every elongated syllable, and how you enunciate your words. I watch you, and I see your reactions. I know how you think. After all, you speak your mind, don't you? But you know when to keep quiet, and that's when there's too much on your mind. You hold your tongue in fear that something might spill out. Your insecurity leaves you unable to trust yourself with your thoughts; you eventually will tell me anyway. And I hear, and I listen. I continue to watch you, for 90% of your communication your use of body language.

You gossip and complain, and you share exciting exerpts of scenes from your life. You reminisce, but not for long. You don't want the past to weigh down on you. You jump up and dance around, you act out your favourite episodes and quote your favourite lines. You gaze at your audience expectantly, and this is where I step in.

I mimic your moves; enough to keep you entertained and joyous. I withdraw myself to allow you your desired attention. I devote myself to see you smile, laugh, and have fun. However, I know when you need a break. I delicately take you away from the centre, for you to have your own time. I watch over you, but I dare not speak more than you. I know how far I can go with you, because I've been too far before. You ask for advice; I give you truth, but only as far as you need it be. You continue to talk, moan, worry, and I continue to listen, support, care. Why? Because I love you. I know all about you, and I know what you need, want, and desire deeply. I encounter you everyday.

And perhaps ignorance is bliss, because you needn't understand me to be happy.

I ask for nothing more but for happiness and joy to spread across your face and resonate throughout your body. This is what matters most to me, and that I be the one who helps you achieve this.

And this is also the reason to who I am. I constantly linger with you, watching you, hovering behind or beside you, given what you feel. I stand very close to you, always hugging your arm, or holding your garments. Perhaps maybe I wonder when you would want to know me more, but I still hover behind you while you talk nineteen to the dozen about life's mishaps as well as its' fortunes. I smile behind you, in adoration and admiration of your splendour and joy.

You needn't know about me, because all I am aims to make you happy. I would like to be known, but only as your supporter. That's all I ask from you.

Maybe one day you'll get to know me. One day, when you do the same what I do to you. However, it may not be possible; chances are that it will be exponentially harder than what you expect. You will need to try different approaches; be delicate with me. After all, you don't know me. It will be out of your comfort zone to try to understand me, so I will refrain from making it harder; your comfort, after all, is in my best interest. I will help you know me better in all ways I can, but you will have to ask the questions. You need to know what you want to know.

So, I've figured you out. Maybe someday, you'll learn to figure me. But in the meantime, I'm still lingering, clinging, waiting on your joy.
~~~

LOL, Sarah.

Thinking Grace.

The previous blog made me sound like the most closed-minded, arrogant, prideful, selfish person ever. Interesting ay? I'm a hypocrite, I know, but even that is something we all need to work on.

---

God's presence seems no different than his absence... But he knows where we're going.

If we never went through frustrations and failure, would we be exposed and desire his amazing grace?

---

She hugged her knees closer to her chest and craned her neck over her arms. She closed her eyes tightly, exhaled, and smiled. It was cold; still. She breathed slowly and steadily, calming herself as she focused. Her position did not help her body thaw as she sat, frozen in the midnight hour. But she was warm, comforted by the thoughts that ran through her mind. She rejected all her senses, all emotion; everything around her spoke loneliness, fear, insecurity; an attempt to consume her completely. If nothing else would help, she declared to herself, it is by this that I will be at peace, knowing that You are always there, and you are not fazed by where I am. Her eyes squeezed shut tighter; she pressed herself closer, and spoke grace.

LOL, Sarah.

Rant.

Hi people. I am officially not in an exceptionally good mood, but I can pull through. How? Through ventilation through a blog! YAY. I'm using through too much, and it's getting confusing. Baha. Anyway yeah jaggedy and awkward phrasing for when I'm in a strange mood like this, so bear with me please. :) You guys are cool too. This blog is specific to ranting.

Sensitivity.
"I'm a sensitive person, I get hurt easily. I am very emotional, but that's all in my nature, I can't help it". Now I would simply like to comment that, no, it's not actually in your nature; rather, it's your way of getting attention.

Quoting from STEP UP 2 (I still love that movie) "It's not about what you got, but what you make of what you got" - (I don't remember the character's name... lol...).

What I take out of this is that there will always be times that people will insult you, backstab you, gossip, get angry with you, be upset by you, etc. This will never change. Ever. You will always have haters. Muahaha. Anyway, instead, it's your reactions that are the consequences of actions taken against you.

Yeah, this blog could have been a lot worse, but I'm having trouble thinking of what to say. Just wanted to say that you choose how you take things. You choose how you respond, and you choose your consequences. I don't understand how people complain and be upset all the time and saying they get hurt easily. No one is weak. Most people don't realise that. Some do, yet still act weak so that they could feel the support of their companions and friends. Even fewer take it upon themselves to be strong, because they know they are.

I don't even think half of this made sense. Oh well.

I had something else bugging me, but I don't know how to write it out. Something about ex-best friends being boys. Meh, it's easier to talk it all out nowadays (I've talked 10 times more than recent times).

I need a happier blog.

Spider's web.

I'm finding it interesting, the amount of "coincidental" matters concerning me this year.

The amount of friendships gained; others lost. Or hanging by, what, a single strand of a spider's web? It used to be stronger than that, I knew so.

Hidden friendships resurfaced, others submerged.

I'm not a shallow person, you just ask the wrong questions.

---

Think about a spider's web for a bit, and you'll understand.

---

I was meant to explain the reason I have for typing so... formal. It's because I'm used to it, but it's actually not for my benefit. I recently read one of my friend's blogs, who mentioned that his blogs were all about the small i's, meaning that it wasn't all about him all the time. I was tempted to use the same template, but I decided that having it looking all proper and stuff.... it's just easier to read ay. Although I know at one point there were so many "I"'s clustered up together I really thought I should stop talking about myself.

But yeah, I'm thinking about you guys, because I know it's a lot easier to interpret full writing such as this, rather than something like "omgz lyk i sw dis guy @ work 2dai, so0 hawt; lyk, so wntd 2 tlk 2 him".

WELL I'm sure people can understand that. But I can't.... so nyeh. It's for my benefit too, haha. Good english. :)

LOL, Sarah.