Prospects Insipid.

One day, the world may well swallow itself whole.

We are no longer blinded by the brilliant rays of the sun, but instead by the beaming headlights of motor vehicles, violently rushing past us as they impatiently draw near to their destination.
We no longer wait for the glow of the stars and the guiding light of the moon to greet us in its soft
reverie, and shine upon our path.
No, we impatiently work towards our own lights: artificial lights that enable us to work and play later on into the night.
We neglect the natural creation for our own, and are clogging out the world; a world which was once so beautiful.
A world untouched, unstained by the experiences of man.
One day, one will say 'What have we done?' as they search the horizon for the sun; it is gone, for the skies are black with clouds of oil.
And on that day, another will reply in glum sadness, 'What we can no longer undo'.
Man will finally weep for the world; not for its perishing, but for their ignorance to it.
And the world, so drowned in man's desire, will slowly fade away.
Neglected.
Forgotten.
Dead.

---
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
I have committed a treacherous doing. Your glorious covenant of law, thrashed to the ground, splintered into pieces by my very hand. And now, I can never pay it back.

And I know that You have paid the price for me already.

This repentant heart cries at Your feet. I need You, I cannot face the world alone.
I need You.
You are all I need.
Forgive me.

---
Pray, when do these tears cease?

"All these needless pains we bear because we do not carry everything to God in prayer". - What A Friend We Have In Jesus.
One of those worship revelations; something like God's opening our eyes...
And our bearing of so much pain, simply because we do not give it up to God.

LOL, Sarah.

Who We Were Then.

A Day Late (Acoustic) - Anberlin

So let me get this straight:
You say now you love me all along.
What made you hesitate
To tell me in words what you really feel?
I can see it in your eyes,
You mean all of what you say.
I remember so long ago
See, I felt the same way.

Now we both have separate lives and lovers.
Insignificantly enough,
We both have significant others.
Only time will tell,
Time will turn and tell

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers
But at least you're still my day late friend.
We are who,
We are who we were when
Who knew what we knew now?
Could've been more,
But at least your still my day late friend.
We are who, we are who we were then

But thoughts may change,
And times they rearrange,
I don't know who you are anymore.
But thoughts come and go,
And this I know:
I'm not who you recall anymore.
But I must confess,
You're so much more than I remember.
Can't help but entertain
These thoughts of us together.

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers
But at least you're still my day late friend.
We are who,
We are who we were when
Who knew what we knew now?
Could've been more,
But at least your still my day late friend.
We are who, we are who we were then
My day late friend

So let me get this straight:
All these years and you were nowhere to be found,
And now you want me for your own.
But you're a day late,
and my love, she's still renowned.

We are who we were when
Could've been lovers
But at least you're still my day late friend.
We are who,
We are who we were when
Who knew what we knew now?
Could've been more,
But at least your still my day late friend.
We are who,
We are who we were then.

I like this song... it's a nice song (:

LOL, Sarah.

'Ad Infinitum'; Faithfulness.

You made me smile today, and I suppose I've regretted even having you in my life. Gosh, you mean a lot more to me than even I thought. I really enjoy your presence.

And I suppose, all jokes aside, all those quirky rumours and enstranged truths aside... I'm really blessed to have you. I don't really thank you enough.

Because to me, you almost seemed like the sun, beaming upon me and enveloping me in your instant warmth, and sheltering me from all the rain and the hail that had been so wickedly sneering at me these past few weeks. Even the brightness of your rays seized the winds' howls, and sent them whimpering back into the dark mists above.

And yet, could I be less grateful? For I know in my heart of hearts, that I have not been satisfied with what I've been craving - selfishly, of course, and only partly by necessity, because I know, and everyone knows, that we cannot travel the world alone. Deservedly, we should, and I believe that with intense severity... but we aren't.

And to have this reveled upon me; the clouds, rolling back even a small portion of its wispy puffs, to reveal even a glimpse of His goodness through you. You may not believe it yourself, but I'm seeing it as a highlight, and I can no longer take you for granted.

If you read this, I wouldn't mind. If you don't, I still wouldn't mind. The heart of it is that you're a very good friend of mine, and perhaps in yours I am not inside that same framework, but nonetheless. You don't deserve any less.

---
I do really fear slipping back into fixed habits; disheveled and unorganised... not only in the exterior world but in mine own (ha, old English will be the death of me). Within my little, insignificant mind, I fear my attitude may fade, and my confidence will falter. And these fears are not without its doubts. I know I will.

But I know my God will rescue me.

LOL, Sarah.
Well, I've really begun to go overboard with these pictures ><" I love them though!! (: I mean, look at the sun peeking in the clouds! It's wonderful! With no credit to me of course :p

Trivial Musings and Earnest Pretense.

My lips are dry and cracked, for I have yet to receive a rush of cool water throughout my body, and I am slumped on this lazy chair which reclines as I will it to by my mere weight - I am in earnest contemplation; that is, of the good things, and of the less charitable. But I figure it is useless to think about such things as these, to repeat excessively a single train of thought which encircles the entirety of my mind in only a second, with which it has no stop to unload its contents, or relieve its passengers of this aimless ride.
And I suppose this may be its only stop, and all I have to hope for is that it will terminate here; undoubtedly, although it may proceed its course in due time, I long for its burdensome carriage to be loosened from it, and remain emptied from this train as it continues its route. And so it stops here, and I can only hope, stays here:
"Hey, are you alright?" They looked over with an eye of concern, and perhaps a tinge of worry, but she was far too perceptive to have been fooled by their facade of care, as she, in turned, turned over to meet their eyes; upon doing so, their eyes of burdened concern flickered and glanced about elsewhere - anywhere but to the seemingly glum figure that sat before them. It was almost as if they could not even bear to meet her eyes, for fear that she would see through them, and she snickered at the failure of such a desperate attempt. She turned away from them, partly hypothesizing possible outcomes if she laid all upon them, but for the most part, in hurt, for their facades of care had considerably injured her.
"I'm assuredly fine, don't you worried," she lied through her teeth, "Although I do seem to be catching a bit of a cold. Ha ha". Her crude reply left her friends smiling and chortling with her, laughing at their silly assumption that there may have been something wrong. She smiled back at them, secretly sneering at their outrageously fake courtesy.

"Oh that's too bad. Well, hope you get better soon!" She was always suspicious about their earnest sincerity in those sorts of sayings; was there really any credibility in any of phrases?- But she said her thanks anyway. They left her to it: falling sick, and inside, hiding her injured heart.
---
And well, I can't fight this feeling anymore. As much as I long to suppress it, it will only strengthen and overwhelm me all the more. Why can't I simply accept what I have? Why is it such a necessity to become a burden to people around me?

LOL, Sarah.

Humanness.

Dearest, I wish you wouldn't tire me out, so strenuously heaping all the burden and initiation on me; for there is only so much I can bear before I will collapse, and inevitably this whole relationship will too. Don't let my human failure be its demise.

I wish I would not hold you in such high esteem, but I cannot help it. I leave too much room for you to fall, in almost too full a trust that you will get back up again. I suppose I think too well of you, and you probably don't deserve it. No one deserves to be thought of like this; I should know, for I've experienced and learned countless times that you cannot fully depend on others.

But that doesn't then mean that I will hastily turn from you as soon as I see you buckle. I want to see you get back up again, and I would do anything in my power to help; only if you allow.

Again, I've bored myself out talking about my minuscule problems. -_-"
But on an outrageously, ridiculously amazing note, I'M GOING TO JOHN MAYER'S CONCERT! I smile everytime I think about it (: AHH I CAN'T WAIT (:

I'll blog something decent soon. . .

---
Okay, so I just found out that synonyms for 'humanity' include altruism, kindheartedness, compassion, benevolence.

And I suppose if I don't believe in anything else, I could believe in man's intention, because in the end, it's all we have if we can't even bring ourselves to do anything else.

LOL, Sarah.

Mmm School.

So I've decided today to highlight one of the events that happened in my day that could have ruined my day, and possibly my entire week.. and then when I'm reminded of it again another 2 weeks. Formerly I wouldn't blog in this way, because to be completely honest, it really does bore me to death, the fact that I'm typing about what I've done, and what I'm doing and what I think about it. It's kind of why I love creative writing. It's like talking about me, but in such a sophisticatedly strange way that it doesn't sound like it at all and rather like a short story instead. It excites me... yeah I'm weird.

Anywho! Back to today. I'm reflecting, ew.

So I completed a SAC today, borderlining the time limit, but I've lost 6 marks out of a possible 30 for missing a question altogether. It's shattering, but what can you do, huh? Bad things happen, and there's nothing you can do about the situation but turn around and keep moving forward. I guess I'm more comforted by the fact that I did all that I could, regardless, and even though the outcome seems glum, everything happens for a reason, and everything will work out well in the end.

Mmm, I've already bored myself out. Well anyway, I'm just happy that I can move on, because I know there's more to life than a measly little SAC, and well, God's always in control, and everything will turn out for the good (: Romans 8:28! So all I did was drown my sorrows with a hot chocolate, but I was chipper for the remainder of the day. I hold on to the hope that God is faithful and He will provide (:

Which kind of places me into a state of being 'okay'. And I guess when you're okay, your friends are okay, which is what we all want, right? Mm yeah, but I'm greedy and selfish and needy, so...

I wrote like thrice as much as this, but golly, I can really bore myself out! Haha, so this is the end result. (:

LOL, Sarah
These posts are so lame... it deserved a lame title.

Obsessive Governance.

I really had no idea where I was going with this...

---
We fear letting go of our problems, for we fear that they may control us. We trust ourselves far too much, and we're only too happy to take on as much as we can... as long as we're under control.

But who are we kidding? We're masters of our own destruction. We're piling up the papers, unknowingly that we're on the top of the ladder just to place the last bit on a mountain of papers. And when we come back down, we eagerly unslot a loose leaf, only too late to realise that it's all falling upon us; our world - that is, our worries crushing down upon us and overwhelming us in oceans of despair (cliche, I know >_>).

But it's who we are. We like to be in complete control - of everything we can muster in our life. When it comes to relationships, what can we do? We're too controlling to surrender even an inkling of our life story to another, perhaps lend them the pen, and let them write a chapter into our books, or even simply a paragraph or sentence. It's so hard for us to let anyone else in without surrendering our control, but until we do, they can't really be there, can they?

Because we all like to be independent. We all like to be in control. We don't ever want to rely on others - for fear of becoming a burden, perhaps, or simply because of our pride, and so we clasp onto the reigns even tighter, determined to do it ourselves. But our hearts will never be broken, moulded and shaped if we don't surrender the 'maker's position. We want to be independent, and yes, that's a good thing... but really, how much can we rely on ourselves? Sooner or later we'll be overwhelmed by a mountain of problems that we simply can't handle ourselves. And it's simple: we're pathetic. Who knew? Yet we give ourselves too much credit, allocating ourselves with far more than we ourselves can bear. We simply cannot do it all ourselves. Sometimes, we need to give others the reigns so that we can rest.

And we can't have others work in our lives until we give them that control to. We can't have God moving in our lives if we haven't surrendered any part of ourselves to Him. Once we do surrender to God, who holds the world in His hands... how much more will He take care of us? He who dresses the flowers, and gives beautiful tunes for the bird to sing. He who paid attention to the detail, so much that He created us in His own likeness...

“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

If only we would surrender, and ask Him what we obviously need...

²⁸“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Stuff Christians like, yeah I can't really say anything else cos I'm going all blabbery and jibber jabbering: clicky here people!

---
I'm fairly level-headed, I like to say, but I hate this feeling of being fooled. Not by anyone else, because I can laugh it off sooner or later... but this feeling of fooling myself. I've had no one to help me convince myself that I'm fine, that I have all that I need - even though I really do. How could I complain? Why do I complain? Why am I so selfish, when it's so evident that I have all that I need and so much more?

But I'm so tired of all this convincing. Sometimes it just feels like I'm fooling myself into believing something that isn't really there.

Argh.

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord, I really need to see You.

---
I just needed to write T_T

LOL, Sarah.
I really need to let go.

Abstract Deception.

Of course, I'm not one who regrets their sleep, no matter how long it may be. Sleep is an infallible state to be in: the almighty cure to weariness, albeit from psychological, to physical, and even emotional causes. Sleep brings about rest, and possibly temporary peace. It also (almost literally) takes you away to another world, a world full of dreams with no expectations, of boundless vision and no effort. It's blatant that I do appreciate my sleep.

But it seems as though, lately, my sleep had led me to a pinnacle of distress. What was once, personally, my cure for not only physical tiredness, but especially to alleviate my emotional outbursts, has become a place of its very own conception of a second fantasized reality with just the same consequences due to my situations in my dreamy state. Somehow, my visionary dreams have turned from such immature illusions as being able to fly or breathe underwater, and instead have become situations which are astoundingly normal, and fantastically real.

The problem, however, isn't that I am unable to fly, or breathe underwater, although I can delight in these childish desires within my dreams, but it is that I am confronted once again with a reality which I already must deal with. Dreams are bizarre, and this fantastic depiction of reality really ebbs away at my apprehensions of situations that could possibly be what I would face in the real. The environment of my dreams: too realistic, and too parallel to what surrounds me whilst I'm awake, and the circumstances, they are like my very own situations, but I am displaced to wind up in one where there is no good solution but for me to hurt...

I wake up suddenly, in tears, far more often than I expect to be; I only cry for two reasons, and this has become one of them. Another is that these second realities are far too like realities, and I am struggling so much more nowadays even to simply get a glimpse of my reality: being awake, being truly aware of my surroundings and the place I live in, not the place I dreamed to be in.

And now I have a new fear: I fear my dreams will overtake me, and I fear not being able to wake on my own accord, no matter how I fight to be awake, because I know I don't belong in dreams. And even then, my dreams now only torment me and punish me. I simply don't know why.

The first day of spring...

This was the first... and no doubt not the last. I am troubled, constantly, and I am growing more weary than ever, for I now fear sleep, even though I need it. It scares me. The emotion which has been invoked by these deceptive realities is real, and has left me in a constant state of distress.

Hmm...

LOL, Sarah.
She doesn't doubt this relationship... so why should I... or why do I?

Conceptual Reverberations.

Music; it steals your senses away into a world of its own.

A thump of the drum is like a sudden dream; you're thrown into a new world of wonders, and of pure senses.
A slide on the guitar is like the quenching of thirst; drips of water splashing into your dry throat.
A hum of a sustained note is like the sudden sensation in your fingers; a rush of warmth as you press your hand on a sun-baked footpath on an ardent autumn day.
A whisper of melody is like the sweet aroma of a flower; a permeating encounter of its blossoming freshness.

The clustering of all that's harmonious is like the sudden invoking of tears; tears of joy, of sadness, and of reminisce.

But strip away all senses; all emotion... and what have you left? Nothing more than the mashing of different notes and sounds together, like white noise: simple, incomprehensible and simply nothing.

"Music makes sense."

LOL, Sarah.
No, that's not me in the picture. I got two pictures this time because they're both pretty and conceptual! :D