Amalgamating Convictions.

The John Mayer Concert.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It was amazing! I'm still super excited and I just can't hide it. It was definitely the highlight of this Monday... and probably this week. Possibly this year, and years to come. ARGH I still feel the adrenaline rush. Ahh, John Mayer. (: Could God make any human any more beautiful?

It lifts my mood, and I smile every time I think about it.

It's a good thing that I think about it a lot.

---
And the day after the event was not unmingled with unhappiness; even so.

I tried my best to make you happy for all of these years. My biggest goal was to make you laugh, and to make you feel loved. For as soon as you were happy, I felt that I could help but be happy myself. But the moment that I am happy without you, you seem to stare at me with such a look of scorn and distaste. And so it seems that I cannot be happy without you. I absolutely must only be happy when you are, and if there is something enlightening to me that I cannot relay towards you, I must do my utmost to conceal it from you.

So there you have it. I am sorry that I cannot help myself sometimes.

---
I suppose I am a bit weary these days. Things will come to you straight for a short while. And that, the truth is that I'm losing confidence. I'm uncertain, and thus I shudder at even the faintest whisper of wind. I am trembling more than ever, and though my steps are small, I am stumbling to and fro, and rocking back and forth in utter confusion, utter precariousness. I still believe in my God, in all this uncertainty, but I am selfish. Too selfish. I want more. I want too much.

Of course I cannot blame you. Who wouldn't run away from me? I am dangerous, I hurt unknowingly, and so much more painfully than any other simple, sad, and shallow acquaintance. I had foreseen this, and I made sure you knew as well. But I could not help myself. This was an opportunity that I thought I could not miss. Thus I did not, and consequently, I feel like I cut the rope, and burnt both ends, and I can only wonder how you hold up after my nasty affliction.

I feel a little sad. And a little alone. But I am determined to not let this selfishness overtake me. I only want to need my God. For His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and His grace is sufficient for all of my needs. And His love conquers all.

Such beautiful things to think about.

LOL, Sarah.