It's Not Infatuation, But You're Amazing.

It has been a good 8 months since all this had first started. I'm beginning to lose hope that this will pass from me, because I'm finding that no matter what I say and do, as time goes on, my thoughts always find its way back to you. I'm praying about this, that if this doesn't pass, that God would give me the strength to persevere and be patient until the time is right.

This is something new I'm trying. I am proudly presenting to you a new structure for this blog, where I invite you to take a trip with me into the realms of my life once again. This time, the italics that I have just written at the top will be about this one you until 'this' is over. Just to ensure, we are not talking about the history of my blog... as for what it IS, you can try and work it out :) Sorry to be cryptic, but I do have the right to reserve some privacy, hehe.

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Would it ever hurt to think of the 'what if'? Even so, I'm still convinced that this was the best decision for us. I hope you, also, will never regret this.

I dare you this: Explain the difference between a best friend, and a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Where Do I Go From Here
- Relient K

LOL, Sarah.

Dramatized Improvisations.

We'd known each other for our whole lives, and it was only now that I could find a single photo of you and me. Just us, just together.

Something happened the other day. This something happened in the evening, almost midnight, and this something happened between you and me. You initiated it, and I could not respond with words; my voice was caught in my throat with my breath escalating ten times faster with no avail in its attempt to oxygenate my blood. My heart raced as fast as I could exhale in response to the sudden oxygen flow, and a shot of cold followed by a wave of warmth sent my body into frantics. I shivered uncontrollably, and my limbs jerked in every direction. It felt like I was getting a fever, a hot/cold temperature of which I was only afflicted with when I suffered from stress. The symptoms could have said otherwise, but tonight, I had an epiphany.

In the midst of all my dramatizing and all my health-risking symptoms, I had a smile on my face. In my trek of discovering love, I was discovering the 'second part' of the triune love given by a triune God to His people. You were the same, amazing, admirable person that I'd always looked up to, and now you'd helped me discover a way to describe this kind of love: the love that I had for you, and for all who were kept so closely into my heart.

This love, called 'philia', is a love that spiritually manifests and overflows from our hearts, and is true brotherly/sisterly love. I am yet to discover the full depths of this love, but it resonates so strongly just how deeply bound we are as brothers and sisters of Christ, and how Christ's love abounds in us. I know in my heart of hearts that this love runs so deep; we share Christ's blood, and share in His love.

And isn't it great to know that Christ's love can manifest in all of our hearts?

And finally, as I draw nearer to Him, I find that I am drawing nearer to you also...

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Hey guys! FIRST, CLICK HERE, THEN CLICK HERE! And enjoy my youth group's amazing skills at improvisation for 'DRAMA NIGHT'!

Try to guess our topics; if you're lazy, you can ask me or any of the characters about our topics.

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This blog is the second of the three part series of the triune love given to us by God... but the third part may be slightly delayed for a short while. I don't believe I am in the position to even be able to clarify this part of love. It's kind of... sensual. Haha!

Until then, my friend!

LOL, Sarah.

Let's Talk Love, Love.

Because once you've let someone enter to your heart once, if or when they leave, there's going to be a void left that can't be filled by anyone else. In a sense, they've taken a part of your heart for keeps, and the scar will be there forever, and it's impossible to be completely and humanly whole again.

But by the grace of God...

And this is why I pursue a life without pointless, fleeting relationships: high-school relationships and the like. Most high-school relationships are based on simple attractions towards each other; temporary, rapid increase of hormones which almost completely controls us as we desperately try to find our place and make our mark in the world... but it seems that we've been making marks on each other's hearts. Are we really so selfish as to force our desire to be granted to us, that we should be loved by those who don't know how to love us, and steal a part of their heart for ourselves? Can we really say that we love them, when really, we just want them to make us happy and complete? Through trial and error, we sift through many things, and even many people, in search for this 'love' that makes everyone whole again... but why are we going through each other as if we can find completeness within them when we can't even find it within ourselves to genuinely 'love' without selfish cause?

Everyone's looking for something more. Everyone is searching for some sort of 'thing' that is supernatural, miraculous, and something eternal. Everyone knows that feelings are like the weather, ever changing, and yet we pursue them anyway, in effort to make ourselves complete. We're destroying ourselves and each other, we're taking each other apart to stitch ourselves back up, and in effect, we're dying.

Our hearts thirst for something that is eternal, so why are we quenching their thirst with the temporary? Is it not right that as long as we live, we give our heart what it needs for as long as it lives? And in our hearts, we all know that there was something more than our lives, something beyond this life, so why are we covering our true desires for the eternal with the fleeting?

... we are called to something heavenly.

I pray that you might find the love that I am discovering, and that you will diligently and earnestly seek this love. This is real, this is eternal, and this is the love that was poured out on the cross that day, just over 2000 years back. When someone dies for you, and you never see their face, and you don't even know their name... do you take this love for granted?

Let me tell you one thing: this love that I speak of is called 'agape' love. We cannot comprehend it, but we can only accept it.

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This is something that seems to me to be really heavy... and I don't want to exhaust the point I am trying to make with further evaluation. This is what I present to you, this is what is on my heart. I hope this challenges you, as it challenges me every day.

And finally, I hope that I can show you this love, not by my words, but by my actions.

LOL, Sarah. :)

We'll Sing: You're Beautiful.

Her body was shaking. Her eyes were wet with tears. She lay in a crumpled mess on the floor. Hopeless. Meaningless. Broken. Worthless. Waste.

But in the end, words were just words, and feelings are fleeting. Something heavenly is dwelling within me.

~~~

I continuously drifted in and out of sleep, and the faces of the people I loved flashed passed me. They were all smiling, their faces glowing so incandescently - school friends, church friends, family, and others seemed to be overflowing with inexplicable joy, and I shared that as I silently laughed along with them. Their faces flashed by quicker as I spun about, struggling to keep the images in my head. I reached to touch even just one face, but I was stopped by the sudden ringing of the bell.

It was time to get up, and my alarm bell never ceased to remind me of it. It rang so boldly and proudly with all its might, and I sprawled my arm across the floor to get a hold of it. The old fashioned alarm clock continued to ring as I picked it up to examine the time; its a single lever which stood in between two large bells swung rapidly from side to side, straining the bells with a resounding ring. I lazily switched the alarm off, only to hear a buzzing sound coming from the tile floors. My phone was vibrating as a second alarm to wake me up, and I finally gave in to the start of another school day.

But today felt different, despite the same routine in the same environment requiring the same items. This morning, all I could think about was You. Every thought streamed towards reminding me that You were there, and You were looking forward to meeting with me. I was in no rush, but I felt energized at the thought of spending time with You once again. Knowing that I was going to talk to You, and You were going to talk to me; I was excited about being with You after so long. My passion for You was rekindling inside of me, and I felt Your love just pouring overflow into my heart...

All I can say is that You are beyond beautiful, and my eyes are fixed on You once again.

LOL, Sarah. :)

Lay Down My Guns.

Okayyyyyy.

The dream of you makes me want to puke now.

I wish it were someone else.

If I hadn't got myself into some sort of whacked out mess, I wouldn't be so discrouraged and lacking confidence.

I have a short rap. :]

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If you haven't yet received the grace revelation,
Let me try and give you one simple demonstration.
Christ, He bled and then He died,
So on the third day, He would rise,
To sanctify and save our lives.
And we can glorify His name on high.
And that is what we call our salvation
Salvation that was without hesitation.
He has taken away our infatuations,
Our transgressions and our temptations.
And it's by His love, and His grace.
That He came down and took our place.

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Yo yo, whaddUP G!

Inspired by family camp, around the campfire.

You were so cool.

LOL, Sarah.

Life Is Beautiful, Did You Know?

mistakes bring out frustration, but they bring laughter by the end of it.
drama brings confusion and stress, but it brings a good time and a great adventure by the end of it.
when you learn to laugh at yourself, you begin to laugh along with everyone else.
youll smile one day, i hope for it.

what i dont understand is how people can be so sad and cynically depressing, and have everything to show for it. however, when something uplifting, encouraging; something optimistic comes up, it becomes unheard of.

i had tutor with kathy. we're so going to ace the next maths test. our tutor is funny, his laugh is funny. he has a son who i think is pretty alright, but he only talks to kathy. jealous much?

im really hoping to be able to finish my art folio by tomorrow. im also hoping that i would be able to pass english with an a. i have less and less hope of that each passing day.

i love my friends.

i love my family, and im sorry for being such a teenager; im moody when i dont need to be, and its a burden on all of you. sorry, im trying.

you you you you you you you.

you are amazing. you are awesome. you are beyond anything. i just dont want to lose sight of you. maybe youll find out one day, how much in awe i am of you

and You. You are the only one who can let me see anything good. You reveal to me Your work, and Your work is good. every single passing day is good only by Your work, for Your glory. You are simply everything.

I love You.

LOL, Sarah.

Let Your Imagination Wild.

You may need to bare with the descriptions. I may have gone overboard.

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I had a dream.

Patches of dark purple and red stretched over the horizon, looming like a dark, foreboding cloud carrying the weight of the ocean. The entire landscape was carpeted with a thick layer of soft, yet crisp grass which rustled as the cool winds swept over with soothing ambience. I stood in the centre of it all, and I watched numerous shapes emerge from the dense, black grass. Daisies sprang from the loamy undergrowth, sparks of yellows and reds brightened the gloomy scene. The grass suddenly began to shoot up, their leaves brushing against me with quick fury. I could no longer see the tiny daisies that stood so desperately against the grass, and with a loud gush of wind, I was swept away.

The scene changed.

I fell into a large, red reclining chair, and for the first few moments, I just sat there, spinning around slowly, gazing and wondering about the sudden change of scene. The similar shroud of colours from the previous scene was familiar; and I could only make out a poorly lit room which faded into darkness. Beside my "thinking" chair, there was a rather large round dinner table, represented with a solid blotch of red, encircled by a brilliant purple rim. A thin, white vase with a single rose stood in the middle of the table, and a flicker of flame drew me to a candle beside it. As I watched the small flame attempt to reach the height of the rose, I saw a figure form from the blackness, walking towards the table, where another chair awaited her occupancy.

My best friend greeted me with a smile, and I found myself warmed by her soft, cheerful expression, despite the lack of heat that the candle's flame could simply not provide. I pushed myself to move out of my seat so that I could properly greet her, but to no avail was I able to move an inch, so I contented myself with rotating my chair around. After almost a full turn, I saw you. You entered through blackness, just as my best friend had, and stood lazily nearby the table. Your dark hair was fairly thick and messy, cropped just above your eyes, which gleamed that same shine that used to always warm my heart. The corners of your lips perked up to create the smallest smile, although the rest of your face remained composed, and expressionless. Your hands were fastened into your pockets, giving the slightest of hunches in your tall frame; your eyes scanned everything before you, watching me, watching my best friend.

You were just as I saw you, every day at school, but this time, you're a part of my dream. It's been a year since I've known you, and even though I accepted that we would never speak, I couldn't help but be thankful that you were there. And yet this fact, still, intrigued me further. What were you doing here? Why did I choose you to enter at this moment in time?

You took interest in my best friend, and engaged in light conversation with her. For a short moment, I watched on, disgruntled that you did not talk to me, or even take notice of me. However, as I had my eyes fixed on your enlightened face, I saw your eyes flit around, and suddenly you shot your eyes directly at me, and sent me the slimmest of smiles in the midst of your conversation with her. Your smile penetrated my heart in that moment, and I couldn't bare to look at you anymore. I closed my eyes and spun myself away from you while you continued to mumble incoherently with my best friend.

I opened my eyes to see that you were in front of me; we stood opposite each other, and my best friend was no longer there. You seemed taller than I'd thought, and a bent mirror beside us reflected it against the familiar dark background. I examined us in a bent mirror, squinting my eyes for a clearer view. You were over a head taller than me now; I could only reach your shoulder in height, but I knew the mirror was playing tricks on me. I cocked my head to the side in deep scrutiny, and eventually turned to face you. You caught me by surprise; you were exactly level with me, and your eyes shot into me. I hadn't realised that you were holding me so close to you, and I attempted to take a step back. My body didn't will me to, and neither did you.

My heart fluttered with every breath that you blew into my face. I smiled, and nodded my head towards you. You held your gaze, and I could not turn away; you leaned in closer to me, and I hesitated. You felt my body shudder, and you let out a soft chuckle, your chest bouncing ever so softly against mine. Your sudden breath felt hot against my skin, and I squeezed my eyes shut in hope that my cheeks wouldn't turn pink. After a single second, I felt your nose graze against mine; once, twice, and I opened my eyes to see yours still fixed on me. Your brilliant white teeth shone against your cheeky smile, and your eyes darted from my left to my right, longing for my reaction.

And I woke up.

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Whacked. Took me the whole day to finish this; on and off. I told you I'd write a story, but I never said it was going to be any good. :)


LOL, Sarah.