Oh, how I've missed this space.All those ideas that flitted about in my mind: words, phrases, eloquent sentences; how they so eagerly awaited to be splayed across these pages as memoirs, never to be erased, and certainly never to be forgotten. Words, words, and more words that circled, filled, and ever so vibrantly coloured my mind; it was so much like flora bursting to life at the first glimpse of the new season of spring. These words danced me to the end of the world and back; they have shown me abundance of beauty and knowledge beyond my comprehension, leaving me no choice but to drink up all that life had to offer me...
And now, these very same words have led me to this end of the road. The journey was almost surreal, and I find myself still unable to completely comprehend the life that I've spent here.
It's been over three years. With that has come what I've known to be some of my highest of highs, and no doubt has seen my most desperate of lows. I could never cease to forget how frustrating it would be to maintain this blog - desperately stringing words and phrases to conjure up something emphatically pedestrian, and then pasting a pathetic sorry by the end of an entry whilst kicking myself for failing to meet my usual standard of creativity. I would almost panic if I'd ever leave myself no time to write an entry - more than two days with no posts certainly would have me nervously scraping at nothing and everything just to satisfy this craving for my words to be posted and to be read.
Consequently, this canvas has certainly not been left plain or untouched. It displays the fullest and most vigorous strokes of the last three years of my life - some of the most intense memoirs which can never be forgotten as they resonate from the block letters on our screens. It is full of contradictions - times of undeniable joy interwoven in moments of utter downheartedness and pain; downcast faces mirrored by ones resonating with momentous hope; hurricanes of confusion and loss, and yet certain peace in a still heart, and a faithful light bringing warmth in the darkest, dampest of hours. It has withstood irrationality, impulse, and intense emotion, and yet, it had not once failed to be my solace.
Yet... The more I think about this, the less I am certain that this canvas which I have for so long toiled over needs anything more. There are very few holes, more or less merely in need of the final touches; bits of refining paint, and that finishing gloss to complete it. And now, when I turn to gaze at this piece, I find myself almost completely satisfied with the result. I'm happy to put down my tools, cease working, and leave this piece to speak for itself.
For once, I'm content with this blog.
Now, I know that I don't need fancy letters or picturesque paragraphs to round this off, but I feel that after so long, nothing else would do this blog justice, heh. It's almost laughable how hard I had tried for this, and how I would somehow always find reason to fail myself from achieving any sort of commitment.
But truly, really, I am happy. I'm happy that I can leave this all behind, and (perhaps finally) grow up. I definitely won't stop writing, and I most certainly won't forget this space, but I feel that it's time for me to leave these last remaining words to ring for themselves.
I hate corny thank-you's, long speeches and emotional dedications. But I can't leave without saying how blessed I am to have you guys (my readers) support me through these three years, and helped made my blog whatever it has become today.
But what can I say? You guys make my life, sort of. :P We all have our ups and downs, but it's all these things: mistakes, regrets, impulses, reactions... all these make us who we are, and if it happened any other way, we wouldn't be who we are today, nor who we are intended to be in the future... you get? Heheh. :)
And I praise God that He gives me a reason to smile when I become blinded by the things that overwhelm me. He's pretty cool like that. (:
Well, that's me, over and out. I hope you all enjoyed the ride with me, and in some way I hope my blog (or even just fragments of it) stays with you as it will with me for the rest of my life. It's been a good one.
Sincerely,
PTL/LOL, Sarah.
