The Foolish Heart.

Meeting you is like finding treasure.

I am trapped in the allure of having finally made a fantastic new discovery: one unseen, one unheard of. And amidst this ecstasy my eyes widen, and I am filled to the brim with utter excitement, and it wants so desperately to escape from under my fastened lid.

But I can't let it escape, I dare not let another being even hear of your existence. You are now far too precious to the ignorant world. They wouldn't appreciate you, they wouldn't love you as immensely as I do...

But what can be helped? Because deep inside, I know someone else already knows all of your secrets, all of your treasures. And my feeble attempts to keep you sheltered from the world, as though you were mine and mine alone, are inept. For though I desperately love you and long for you to be my own, you already belong to nature, and another, and I can't tamper with nature. I certainly know that if I dared to chip you from the foundations on which you stand, your brilliant glow would immediately begin to fade, you would sooner die than survive and be called mine...

And now, all that I have done, my entire journey and my efforts in seeking, finding, and discovering the beautiful creature that you are... It is all futile, for my time and efforts have been sacrificed for something beautiful, and yet it is tragic, for I know so well, and so clearly, that I could never have you.

Honestly, I do. I feel a tinge of self hatred, because you truly can only tolerate me. My being to you seems only to trap you, and to suffocate the vivacity that wells up inside of you. It is by far too much to expect you to notice me as a friend, let alone appreciate me for my reckless behaviour. How can you? I'm selfish, and I want you to all to myself. I want to keep you hidden in the corner of my heart, where no one else would dare enter in. But this is only disastrous for you, for you need your freedom, and you need others far more than you need me.

So I can only watch as your enigma is discovered, and even loved, but certainly never appreciated, by the world, and I only hold onto the fact that I could at least share, even for just a little while, in this wondrous treasure that is you...

LOL, Sarah.

I thought this old quote was worth re-quoting, heh.

"...not all the birds and butterflies will stay on your hands forever... some may fly away and come back, some may never come back. But true companionship and trust stay at the warmth of your hands as long you don't close your hands on them..." - NitNav.

The Trees.

I have a huge fascination for people. I'm not quite sure why. It's something about meeting people, the spark in their eye, their little hop in each step that they take, the tiny clicks between their fingers when they point here and there. People are just so interesting.

I love people. I love meeting new people (this is especially interesting, because they are only new to me, but they themselves aren't new at all...) . I love to hear their whole life story, everything they've been through, in hopes (and often to no avail, but that's okay) to empathise with them, to understand where they come from. I want to know what it's like to live their lives, to be human in the way that they see it. I am so intrigued by their reactions; why people believe the things they believe, and how they react in such a unique way to any sequence of events. I want to know their thought process, what they think, why they think it, and how their thoughts play out. And how do those thoughts translate into actions?

It is not only that. I love getting to know the sound of their voice, their nervous laugh. I yearn to anticipate the sound of their footsteps, and to recognise the shape of their back, and their posture every time they walk. I want to see the little features across their face; a dimple, a little flinch, and visualise it in my mind everytime my mind crosses towards them. I want to see how their face lights up when they are met with a gentle surprise, and how their eyebrows furrow at the sight, or even mere sound of something foul to their taste.

I find myself with such a deeply profound interest in every aspect of a person's life, that I don't know what to do. I cannot help but long to know them, to understand them, to recognise every single bit of them, and to isolate them out from the 'crowd'.

--

Whenever I'm on the tram, I like to watch people. Not in the seriously stalkerish way (although the more I think of it, the more I'm convinced I've become a stalker haha), but whenever I pass by a street full of people crossing, I can't help but to glance at each person there, and just wonder about who they are.

Their background. Their experiences. Their knowledge. Their interests. Their hobbies. Their pet-peeves. Their philosophies. Their beliefs. Just... their entire life.

Isn't it amazing to think that each and every single person, young and old, has a whole life that they have lived? How inside the world in which we all live in, there's another totally personal, intimate world that each person can call their own? I don't think you would understand. Not even I do... I just accept that it is beyond my imagination and will never cease to bewilder me whenever I think of it. But it is quite profound, and it is a really humbling experience, just being reminded of how truly small we are in this world, and, although there is one world, somehow there is an endless multitude of worlds within.

--

Sometimes, I feel like I see not the forest, but the trees. It's just that people are just so interesting, and I am constantly astounded by them.

I love people. I am constantly, and perhaps will forever be, intrigued by them.

It's just that sometimes, I wish I were just so too.

LOL, Sarah.